Sophie/Wine Drunk.

Yes, you read that accurately. I am tipsey. The crazy part? I have had 2 1/2 glasses of red wine in 4 hours. YOWZA! Its amazing how my body STILL does not process alcohol well since not drinking for 9 months. I guess this is a good thing. And its also the reason why I rarely have more than 1 or 2 drinks :) So now I blog. Again. What can I say? I like to talk when I'm tipsey, and Ross went to bed after listening to me jabber for about 2 hours :)

I did buy the Sophie today. It is so amazing how amazing this simple rubber giraffe is; I mean really. It costs $22.95, and goes against my eco(nomical) friendly values, but I knew too many mamas who swear by this thing, and they were right:



Moms, don't question the power of Sophie- just buy it. I questioned it for months, only to find that my 5 month old loves this thing. I have never seen her so amazed and interested in a toy. I am now a believer. I do not understand Sophie's powers, just like I never understood what the other 13 year-old girls saw in The Hanson brothers. But it is real.

Baby Products Review

We just got this for super cheap online (like $55, which is about $200 cheaper than most video monitors):



let me start by saying its a peice of crap if used as the only monitor. Very static-y and the volume does not go high enough. It is not loud enough to wake the parents when the baby starts crying- major flaw!

HOWEVER, it is working out beautifully for us. We already have the Sony Babycall monitor which we love. I was actually pretty sad at the thought of not using it anymore. So we just have both monitors on (surprisingly theres no interference) but only turn on the Sony on when we go to sleep. If I want to see what she's doing if she wakes, I just flip on the video monitor and take a look. It has actually worked out really well! I love that I can take a quick look at what she's doing before I go to bed or when she takes naps. I just turn the volume down all the way so I don't have to listen to the static. So even though I was initially dissapointed with the quality of the Q-See monitor, it worked out and now we have the best of both worlds. Sweet.

Plans for today:
1) finish laundry
2) take a bath
3) go shopping with Kara (maybe? she might come over) I think She's about 30-31 weeks pregnant now- I can't wait to see her belly!
4) Go to St. John's later and visit my sister, eat at an awesome Taqueria, visit some baby consignment stores, and some cool baby toy stores (might even get a Sophie today. I have been persuaded by success stories $22 rubber teething giraffe. That is so not like me. Okay wait, maybe it is like me)

I suppose I should get off this un-showered pajama wearing booty!

Breastfeeding Chronicals Chapter 4

where I left off: "...For the next few days, I would continue to try to nurse Maddy. I was determined to be totally patient with my tiny little human, and not be frustrated with her. Unfortunately a mixture of post-partum baby blues and her difficulty with latching made for a very difficult few weeks."

We went home from the hospital on a Monday afternoon, and by Thursday morning I had an appointment with the lactation consultant at Providence. I believe that was the day after my milk came in. Which, by the way, was quite a surprise to wake up to. Hello, bowling ball boobs! Nice to meet you both. Now excuse me, while I go buy some DD bras. Anyway, the appointment was ALL the way over in Beaverton, so I packed my newborn and trecked across town. I needed to get out of the house, plus my left nipple was cracked and bleeding. Also, breastfeeding was proving to be very difficult; WAY harder than I ever expected. Maddy was eating, but each nursing session lasted about 45 minutes (or more) and I knew she wasn't latching correctly.

I had learned that Maddy ate about every 2-3 hours, so I timed my appointment accordingly. I knew she would need to WANT to eat when I was with the LC, the the LC could assess her. I sat and prayed to myself quietly in the waiting room that my baby wouldn't get upset for some reason and start crying; because I still didn't know quite what to do when she cried, and I was way too emotionally fragile to deal with it in public.

The post partum "baby blues" were definitly in full swing. The day before, I had watched an episode of "16 and Pregnant" and bawled uncontrollably as a 16 year old girl gave her baby up for adoption. The rollercoaster of emotions was intense; feeling a new undescribable love for my tiny bundle; while also feeling overwhelmed and somewhat burdended by her complete dependence on me. Its not that I didn't think she would be dependent on me, but since her birth was somewhat early and fast and furious, I guess I didn't get as much time to emotionally prepare as I thought I would.

Back to the waiting room. I was summoned by a lactation consultant with wild curly blond hair and kind of crazy eyes. She also had breath that smelled like hummus, as she had probably just finished her lunch break and rushed to my 1pm appointment. I'm not being mean, she was very sweet and cute. I just remember this so vividly. I sat the Graco carseat/carrier on the exam table and took Maddy out. She must have known how exhausted and defeated I was, because she went ahead and changed Maddy's diaper for me. I remember being so absolutely stoked about this. She weighed my naked baby girl before I fed her, and then settled us down for a feeding.

She assessed and repositioned; and really did help in some ways. A lot of problems came from my hold and positioning. She also taught me to compress the boob to get the milk to come out faster. This resulted in some successful swallows, which made us both cheer. She told me it would take some work, but we would get it. SHe re-weighed Maddy after the feeding and she had gained 2 oz. That's good. Despite the horrible and painful latch, she WAS getting nurishment.

The LC left to take care of another patient. I got Maddy back into her carseat and prepared to go. Keep in mind, at this point in my life, a diaper change, a feeding, and putting the baby in the carseat was a HUGE task to perform all by myself. As I had just finished strapping her in she spit/puked up blood streaked spit up ALL over herself. "Oh dear Lord", I said. Actually, I'm pretty sure I said something else I shouldn't type. I didn't panic, because I knew the blood came from me. I just wanted to cry.

I showed this to the LC, and she looked very concerned, and had me request a prescription for a special breast ointment from my OB. Then I was on my way. My appointment was in the same building as the the Providence Westside Oncology/Hematology office(I work in the SE clinic). I knew a lot of the nurses and physicians who worked there, and had planned on stopping by to show off Maddy. I didn't though, because I felt like such a huge mess. What would happen if they bent down to see her and saw the blood all over her onesie? I felt ashamed and like a total mess. I opted to just go home and cry.

Things got a little better after that, but not totally. During the day, nursing went sort of okay, because we were both awake and alert, and I was able to get the positioning perfect for her. Night time was another story. She would wake to feed every 2-3 hours, and I would open my eyes and dread these feedings. Ross would pick her up and hand her to his depressed and frustrated wife, who would begin to cry as the feeding commenced, due to the pain. I contemplated giving it up. Ross knew breastfeeding was important, but he was starting to want me to give it up, too. I was beginning to resent my newborn baby everytime she got hungry. It wasn't good. I remember a well-meaning woman asking me how breastfeeding was going, and then saying, "I just LOVED breastfeeding. Don't you?". I had to hold back from telling her how much I absolutely HATED it. I though, I must not be cut out for this breastfeeding thing.

One pivotal night, when Maddy was about 2 weeks old, we were once again struggling with latching in the middle of the night. Angry, I unlatched her from me and held her out in front of me and said:
"What is WRONG with you!?!?!?!?!"
She looked back, somewhat startled about being interrupted from her meal. At that moment, I decided I HAD to quit. I couldn't be angry at my 2 week old baby anymore, it was too painful. I wanted to do nothing but love her, and because of breastfeeding, I had moments where I was angry with her. I don't think I have ever felt so guilty about anything in my entire life. (in case you're wondering, don't worry, I never harmed her in any way.)

I said this night was pivotal, because in that moment, I decided to quit breastfeeding, but then somehow a voice told me not to give up. So I pushed forward.

I didn't get mad at Maddy again after that. At about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks, something finally clicked. She started latching better, and feeding went so much more smoothly. Ross actually encouraged me to try lying down on my side while nursing Maddy in bed and this opened a whole new door for me! I could now rest (and even sleep sometimes) while she nursed in the middle of the night, and then just wake up and put her back to her bassinett (since she had passed out from a full tummy).

Things only got better. By 2 months old, we were both nursing pros. Now, at 5 months old, it is perfectly effortless, and even more, I LOVE it. Sometimes Ross even smiles while I'm nursing and says, "Wow, look at that latch! I bet you never thought you would see the day".

Nursing is now enjoyable and special. Every night, I nurse Maddy to sleep in my mom's old rocking chair in her room. It gives us a special bond and soothes her any time she is upset. At this point, I honestly don't know when I'll stop nursing her. But I can imagine that I will take it very hard when that time comes. Its amazing how much things change! I am so glad I stuck with it and kept going.

Congratulations, Fresh Baby.

You managed to get me to pay 12.99 for two ice cube trays with lids. Shame on me. Oh well, at least they are BPA free.

http://freshbaby.com/buy_our_products/trays.cfm

Making butternut squash and sweet potato for Mads today. Also sewing a lot of cute things for upcoming babies! I know SO many pregnant girls who are having boys right now (and one friend who is keeping the sex under wraps until birth) so I don't get to make any cute pink stuff. Wah wah :) Kidding, the prints I have picked are pretty darn cute, too. I'll just have to make some pink stuff for Maddy, I guess! I'll post pics of those when finished (and AFTER they are gifted to the mamas, since one of them is a blogger :)

Thursday and so much to say!

I have been really busy with being sick and having family visiting. My oldest sister Kathy visited us from San Diego. All 3 of my sisters and my mom were here- so fun! I also hosted a big brunch on saturday and invited other relatives to come and see Kathy. It was a huge success, I thought, and in the future I will be hosting brunches instead of dinners! Way easier and less of me running around the kitchen stressing while everyone else is visiting! Here was the menu:

Fruit Danishes
Noah's Bagels (and 3 kinds of cream cheese)
Stumptown Coffee
Chai tea lattes (soy or regular)
Pastries my aunt Paula picked up from a french bakery)
Fruit Salad (made by my mother in law)
Sausage/Egg Casserole (also made by my wonderful mother in law- yes, I think my MIL is wonderful)
Ham/egg/cheese/hashbrown casserole
And of course- Memosas! (or just OJ if preferred)

Set out the bagels and pastries while working on casseroles, which took about an hour each to bake. Drinks were self- serve. I am totally doing this again!

There has been a nasty bug going around- Ross, me, Maddy, two of my sisters, my mother in law, and several of my patients have had its. Its worse than your usual common cold for some reason- its just aweful! Maddy survived it with nothing more than a low grade fever for one day and a continual stuffy nose (don't get me started on the frustrations of trying to get boogers out of a tiny nose on a stubborn girl). I can't take any decongestants or meds because of breastfeeding, so I have been doing this:



and this:



I'm going on 3 weeks with this thing, but its slowly getting better, thank goodness.

I need to do my official Maddy update- I am so behind! But I will say this:

I decided to start solids based on her cues and my instincts. I was going to wait until 6 months, but there are actually new studies out saying that maybe its not the best idea to wait, afterall (re: allergies, picky eaters, etc.) I got this information from the AAP, which is the most reliable source, in my opinion. Also, it got to the point where the only reason I was waiting was because so many people said I should. Thats not a good enough reason. I learned a while back that its best to trust my instincts, and I was right! Maddy took right to the rice ceral, no problemo. Last night we introduced her to avocado, and she did awesome with that too!


Other milestone:

She "crawled" backwards. It wasn't really crawling, so much, but she did move herself backwards half-way across the living room. She is growing up so fast!

sick day...kinda.

I stayed home from work today. I've been fighting a nasty cold, which has made the rounds in our home. For some reason, its hit me the hardest. It seemed like it was gone (after resting most of the weekend) but after working yesterday it has come back to rear its ugly head. I felt like a truck hit me when I woke up, so home I stayed. I didn't have much of an appetite for the past couple days, and two thoughts went through my head:
1) Shoot, I better eat so my milk supply isn't affected...
2) ooooo, ooooh! maybe I'll lose a couple pounds!

Terrible, isn't it?

So I went to McDonalds today, and its funny (hilarious, actually) how my hunger problems seem to have disappeared as I devoured a Crispy chicken meal. Pathetic! I did manage to take some cute pictures, though. Enjoy!

(The park photos were actually taken on Monday. We went on a walk to the park near our house and looked at the ducks)

Breastfeeding Chronicals- Chapter 3

The scene where I left off: Our first night home from the hospital with our brand new baby, who has been crying-no, screaming- for 2 hours straight. Ross and I were both in tears at this point. Her diaper had been changed twice, and she still would not latch on to nurse. With adult humans, you treat dehydration with (duh) drinking water or IV fluids. For some reason, I didn't know how to treat newborn dehydration. I didn't know if it was "okay" to give her a bottle of water. I was terrified.

We called the hospital. That's right, the hospital. We were close to getting her in the car and taking her back. Not to "return" her, like she was faulty merchandise or something; but because in the hospital she never cried like this. Surely the baby nurses would have the magic touch to make my baby stop crying. Afterall, I had NO idea what I was doing. I felt like a failure as a mother.

The hospital patched us through to a lactation consultant or advice nurse (I don't remember). I answered her bag full of stock questions: Maddy didn't have a fever (I already checked) and she didn't have any of my hairs wrapped around her little toe (which apparently is a very common cause of unexplained crying?). Her final answer?:

She's hungry.

I opened up my breast pump, thinking I could pump something and feed it to her. With my hands shaking, I opened the box and fumbled through the parts, which STILL needed to be sanitized. Nope, this isn't happening. Even if we sanitized the parts, I was way too emotionally fragile to figure out a new machine, and its not like I could practice before she was born! While fumbling through all this, and attempting yet again to nurse, the on-call pediatrician returned our call. I was hoping he would have the magic answer to make her stop crying; or that he would tell us to go to the hospital. I watched the hope on Ross's face disappear during their very brief 30 second phone call. Apparently, this was the cranky on-call pediatrician's answer:

"Umm...well, babies do CRY. Give her some formula."

As abrasive as that comment was, we realized that would be what we had to do. Unfortunately, we didn't have any formula. With all the exhausting and thorough preparations I did before Maddy was born, I never in my wildest dreams thought we would need to have formula on hand. I thought breastfeeding was just intuitive for mom and baby. We have a Safeway down the street, where Ross could have gotten formula when this all first started. But for some reason, Safeway felt too far away. Its amazing how all reason goes out the window when you are panicked that there is something wrong with your baby and you can't fix it.

Ross ran down the street to our neighbors, Chris and Jodi's house. Their son was a little over a year old, and we had hoped they had some formula. What felt like an eternity later, Ross returned with a can of Similac and a bottle of simethicone drops (baby gas drops). Ross made a 2-oz bottle of formula and added the drops. My tiny baby chugged that thing down like there was no tomorrow.

And then, there was peace in our home.

I cried and hugged Maddy. I felt like a terrible mom. I apoligized to her for not knowing what to do, and for her going through that. Ross hugged me. She finally settled down to sleep...for a while.

This was our initiation into the difficult journey I would embark on. Many breastfeeding supporters would critisize our decision to give our baby a bottle of formula that night. I don't have an ounce (no pun intended) of regret over that choice. It saved her, and us that night. Maybe I should have done things differently, or maybe if I had a lactation consultant or experienced family member in our home with us, I could have been more properly coached for her to latch and feed from me. Afterall, my mom was in town, and we had roughly 10 family members within a 10 mile radius of us. But for some reason, it never occurred to us to ask someone to come over. I think we needed to do it ourselves.

For the next few days, I would continue to try to nurse Maddy. I was determined to be totally patient with my tiny little human, and not be frustrated with her. Unfortunately a mixture of post-partum baby blues and her difficulty with latching made for a very difficult few weeks.

20 weeks

Age: 20 weeks


Weight -hmmm, something more than 13 lbs 8 oz.

Sleeping habit - Has woken up at almost 7am on the dot just about every morning this week. Asleep by 7:30-8pm. So this is great. Naps on the other hand? Almost non-existant. usually totals about 1 1/2 hours of naps a day. Today she took three 15min naps. It was a bad scene by bedtime. We would even take time to put her down, but she would just wake up very alert after 15-20 minutes.

Eating habits - 5 full feedings a day. She dropped the 6th feeding every day this week, and now goes 3-4 hours between feedings, which is crazy!

Cutest Moment of the Week - She LOVES her kitties! She pets them (well, reaches out and touches them and grabs their fur..sometimes pulling some out)

Milestones - if you look at her lower left gum area, you can now see a tiny light bump and can feel...yes! An itty bitty tooth under there.

Firsts -
1) She finally figured out how to blow razzberries. Its not very loud, but it is adorable.

Breastfeeding Chronicals- Chapter 2

"The Night We Came Home From the Hospital"...oh that fateful night.

I was discharged and we packed our things. I carried my tiny baby out of Providence Milwaukie Hospital, and was escorted out in a wheelchair, per protocol. Ross drove the Subaru Baja up to the pick-up area. We carefully strapped our 6 lb 14 oz baby (her weight after the initial weight loss after being born) into the huge Britax convertable carseat. She was a tiny little bundle in that seat- it looked way too big for her. Once we verified about 16 times that she was secure, I managed to climb into the car (still sore and bleeding from childbirth and its wounds) and we were on our way home. I sat in the back seat to monitor our little being. The entire way home, Ross asked how she was doing and talked to her. For some reason, it just didn't feel safe to be driving her anywhere. She was way too fragile and precious.

We got home, and set my new home for the next few weeks on the couch in the living room. We used an empty laundry basket to keep the essentials- diapers, cloth wipes and spray solution, burp cloths, lanolin, pacifiers that never got used, Colace, Ibuprofen 800mg tabs, my Providence water bottle, and books: "What to Expect- The First Year" and several different books and pamplets on breastfeeding. Ross and I would carry this basket up and down the stairs for the next few weeks. We set the inflatable "donut" for me to sit on to relieve the hemorrhoids and pain in my seat. The downstairs bathroom was stocked with a warm water squirt bottle, a sitz bath, and plenty of jumbo sized pads.

We sat down and held and marveled at our little joy as we wondered what our new life would be like with her in it. Around 5:30pm, we decided we should eat so Ross went to the Papa Murphy's down the street to fetch a Chicken Bacon Articoke DeLite Pizza. He was also going to the store to get me some beer (sweet beer, that I had gone 9 months without). I felt that I, the mother, should have no problem handling her on my own as he stepped out. About 10 minutes after he left, she started crying. I changed her diaper, I attempted to feed her. Her weak little sucks lasted but a few minutes, and she was back to crying. It didn't stop. Ross came home to find me in a panic, holding our newborn to my chest. She wouldn't latch to eat, but was still very upset. It had been about 45 minutes of nonstop crying at this point. He tried to calm her by holding her, rocking her, and singing to her. I remember I went upstairs to take a breath, cry, and pray while Ross held her. I could hear him singing, "Daddy loves Maddy" over and over to her and she wailed. I could tell he was frightened, too.

The crying would stop momentarily; as she caught her breath. Then she would resume just as forcefully as before. I remember looking at the clock and realizing my baby had been crying for almost 2 hours. She still would not latch and feed. She felt hot, and her oral mucosa was bone dry. The nurse in me panicked, because I knew she was dehydrated. Ross called his parents, and I don't even remember what they said. I remember there being a suggestion about me drinking a beer to help my milk come in. Looking back, they were probably right- not about the milk, but it would have at least helped me.

I'm thinking of adding more pictures...

This should be a good start!
photo by Kelley Huebler 1/30/10 (almost 4 1/2 months old)
Sometimes, I get teary over how beautiful she is. Thank you Lord!

The Breastfeeding Chronicals- Chapter One

I always knew I wanted to breastfeed my baby, if possible. Before Maddy was born, my decision to do this was pretty simple (and even a little selfish:
-It just "seemed" like the right thing to do. My mom did it and Ross's mom did it.
-Formula is expensive, and we are always looking for ways to save $
-I had heard you burn 500 calories a day breastfeeding. This pretty much sold me on it.

To be honest, I had a lot of hesitations and fears about it. I was a little icked out about having a human sucking on my boob all the time. Maybe its our culture, but it was hard for me to imagine breasts being anything other than sexual. As I have mentioned before, I was always appalled when I would see a woman breastfeeding in public. It made me uncomfortable, even though I knew I would be breastfeeding.

Fast foward to Maddy being born. The plan was that she would come out of the womb, lay on my chest, and she would naturally suck away and find nurishment and comfort in me.

Um....nope.

Don't get me wrong. Our first meeting face to face was magical. I recently watched it on video (YES, Ross filmed Madelyn's birth!) and it was amazing how her and I stared at each other forever. It really was. But when it was time for her to nurse, she didn't perform the way I thought she would. My boob was there, right there next to her mouth, but she was less than interested. I still wonder to this day if it was the small dose of IV narcotics for my labor pains.



I felt confident and held her right up to it like I had learned how to through my intense research and what I remembered from nursing school. Her tiny lips landed on my nipple, gave a few weak sucks, then she lost interest. In movies, a nursing baby is depicted as sucking on the nipple; but in actuality, the baby is supposed to take the entire areola in its mouth before sucking. This is needed to actually draw the milk out. Maddy just sucked on my nipple. This, my friends, is PAINFUL. Do not underestimate the power of a baby's suck.

The nurses were very helpful, but it just wasn't happening. I ended up staying the hospital 2 nights after birth- just to keep working on the nursing. I loved my nurses, but I really think they were a little quick to give us a "pass" on the nursing. By that, I mean that they can't discharge a nursing mother until she demonstrates correct technique and successful breastfeeding. So they would watch me, and if Maddy had a few successful sucks, they would say, "Great- there you go!" and then run off to chart that I was ready to go home.


The night we brought Maddy home from the hospital will forever go down in history, in the Lumsden household, as one of the worst nights of our lives.