quick update and things I hate

life is so hectic right now. I have felt for a week straight like I just want to quit my job. Housework and babycare with a husband who works 50 hours a week is hard to juggle with a 24 hour/week job! Many vents were said, and many prayers were said, and I am convinced and have had many indications that I need to keep going and not be discouraged. I can do it. I just will have hairy legs and an ugly no makeup face a lot of the time. Ross told me I'm still beautiful- God bless him.

Tonight and this afternoon I was so busy I didn't have time to eat- so I ate the leftover pureed sweet potatos and peas that Maddy didn't want. Score! I spend so much time making sure my baby has everything all natural and pure; and yet my diet consists of string cheese (quick protien) and Clif bars with the occasional hit of McDonalds fries. It seems so backwards, but I'm working on it.

Oh yeah, things I hate (for some reason I wanted to stress this:)
-"Heeleys" or those shoes with the wheel on the heel. I hate them with a passion. If anyone ever gifts these to Maddy, then some lucky boy or girl will come across a brand new, unused pair of Heeley's at the Salvation Army.
-Cheesy pictures with Babies heads in the center of a big flower. Can you say butt ugly? There are tons in Maddy's pediatrician clinic and they make me almost angry because I hate them so much.

Okay, time to bathe and put my girl to bed.

27 weeks (6 months, 1 week)

Age: 27 weeks


Weight -we will find out thursday for her 6 month check-up, but I'm guessing ball park of 15 lbs

Sleeping habit - 8pm to 7-7:30am. Her naps are getting a lot better. I finally figured out a rhythm; she naps at about 9:30 am and 2-3pm for at least an hour each time.

Eating habits -
7-7:30am: nurse
8:30am- solids meal- usually 3 fruit cubes (3oz) Lately has been pears and apples; dad likes to add oatmeal to thicken it up
10:30am-nurse
11am- snack; just started this one; prunes to help with bowel movements or apple chunks in her mesh feeder/teether

Cutest Moment of the Week - playing "peek-a-boo" with my mom. My mom was holding her and quickly caught on that maddy kept turning her head away and then turning back to look at her everytime she talked. So everytime Maddy turned to my mom, my mom said, "BooP!!!". Maddy turned it into a game and kept turning away and then back to my mom and would giggle everytime my mom "boop'ed.

Milestones - very stong and sitting up very well for a long time without falling over

Firsts -
1) real food- apple chunks in the teether

About Madelyn: She is a very sweet baby. She is rarely fussing- only when she's had a rough/busy day. She can sit and play with toys for a LONG time and be content. She is full of smiles and beams anytime you look at her and talk to her. She still loves to bounce and stand. She is very intent and sometimes really concentrates hard on toys. She "talks" a lot now. She squeals, says "ah-mah", and laughs a ton.

Nee-ew Life, Nee-ew Life

Background to random title- since everyone other than my husband and possibly my sisters don't understand whats going on in my head: Title says "New Life" in English Depeche Mode accent; sung to the tune of their hit from their first album Speak and Spell titled, "New Life".

Either way- we have a new life. It consists of Ross working at least 50 hours a week and me working 24 hours a week. In his spare time he sleeps, does yard work, hugs me, hangs with the fam, or tries to process his new job; if he's not working overtime giving a test drive to someone who walked on the lot 10 minutes before closing time.

I spend 24 hours at work. As for the other 144 hours in the week, I am: Sleeping approximately 7 hours each night, taking care of Maddy, spring cleaning, usual house cleaning, laundry, dishes, making dinner, grocery shopping....etc, etc.

I'm not complaining or asking for sympathy in any way. My house actually looks better than ever because I have become way more efficient with my time. Since it is the change of a season, the bugs are out. Those who know me know that I am almost pathologically bug-phobic. So once a see a bug in the house, every square inch gets cleaned to make sure I destroy any of its little friends and family.

Work is pretty good. Getting into the groove of having babysitters is a new adjustment. I had a mini-meltdown yesterday that caused me to re-evaulate everything. Here's a peek into our life (which I am very thankful for, by the way!):

I work Tue, Wed, Fri. Ross works Wed-Sun. That leaves us with Monday off together, Ross home with her Tuesday while I'm at work, and babysitters required for Wednesday and Friday. Ross's mom has commited to watching Maddy most Wednesdays. So Friday is up for grabs. My sisters fill in the blanks as possible with their jobs (I am SO blessed to have family watching her most of the time!!!!). When my sisters or Ross's mom can't watch her on Friday, our good friend Jenni has watched her (I totally trust Jenni and she is basically family; Ross has known her since he was little). However; this week Jenni is out of town and my sisters are super busy with work due to spring break. So two weeks into our new life of both of us working; we are without a babysitter. Long story short, I had a good talk with my new manager who I am just getting to know. She is being super supportive (Thank You Lord)and told me to take this Friday off like it was no big deal. THIS is the kind of thing that keeps me working. Working for a good company with supportive staff makes all the difference.

I can't deny that all these stressors have made me comtemplate taking a hiatus from work and being a stay at home mom. Maddy is growing like a weed and changing ev-ery-day. She is such an awesome person and I love getting to know her and don't want to miss a second with her. I worked hard throughout my pregnancy to support our family; and now that Ross has a job I feel like I can pass the torch to him. Right now I am providing our health insurance (damn good insurance at that) so I will obviously keep at it. At 90 days, Ross will have benefits, but I'm not sure if they will be as good as mine. Also, this is a new career for him, and who knows how long he will be there. Also, who knows how much he will make, and how steady in the flow of his income will be as a car salesman? Its a feast and famine type of deal. Me, on the other hand? I have a sweet job working with the greatest patients you could imagine. I get paid well, get awesome benefits for only working 24 hours a week, and I will always have weekends and holidays off. I also happen to love being a housewife and mommy, and would like to start thinking about Maddy getting a little brother or sister. Without the second (and then third, and...maybe fourth???) kid, I am already running off of adrenaline every day, because now that Ross is working so much I have ALL of the baby and home resonsibilities, WITH 24 hours a week of work.

Welcome to the inside of my head.

Again, I am not compaining. We are literally overflowing with blessings. We have blessings coming out of our ears. I just am constantly thinking about this dilemma. In so many ways I should stay home. But in so many ways I shouldn't stop working. I didn't even mention how important it is for me to keep up my skills as an RN, and I don't think I would be completely happy if I wasn't being a nurse at all for a while. ALSO, Madelyn is getting very special time with her grandma Kris and her aunts Emily and Pam. When she is at Jenni's, she gets to be around Jenni's daughter Lilly (age 2) and experience some valuable lessons in independence in being away from her family.

It could go either way, really. For now, obviously the best option is to keep working. In the meantime, many prayers will be said. My mind is awfully tired, and I need to turn this over to God.

***EDIT*** I forgot to mention, that my natural mothering choices are causing a bit of a strain in my life. My milk supply is not keeping up with Maddy for her bedtime feedings, so this is how it goes: She used to nurse at night for 20-30 minutes and fall asleep at the end. It was beautiful. Now she nurses for 30-45 minutes and then almost falls asleep, but then spazzes out because she is still hungry and I don't make enough milk for her for bedtime (daytime nursing seems to be fine). So she punches my boob and fusses (seriously). So I set her down in the crib, go downstairs, heat up formula or pumped milk, and then try to calm her down after she's pissed off from not filling her stomach as she pleased earlier. The, she GULPS down about 3 oz of breast milk or formula in the bottle, and I am cursing my boobs and wondering why I just nursed her for 45 freaking minutes minutes in the first place. Also, after 6 months, my cloth diapers have stink build up and I now have to "strip" them. "Stripping" cloth diapers = washing and then boiling them in a pot of water on the stove for 15 minutes; 4 diapers in a pot at a time. We have approximately 50 cloth diapers. This has been very time consuming in my already busy life. Venting aside: I still want to breastfeed and cloth diaper her, and its worth it so far.

Naps

Madelyn is NOT a good napper. While she has other great qualities such as sleeping through the night and being incredibly sweet and cute; naps are not her thang. It is 9:25am and I am attemptimg nap #1 of the day. Ross and I have this thing where if we see her yawn, we go "ooooooooO! I saw that yawn! I saw that yawn! You know you need o nap!" and it just makes her laugh hysterically. So today I made up a clever little naptime time; sung to the tune of Ace of Base's "I Saw the Sign".


I saw the yawn, now its time to close your eyes I saw the yawn
Life is demanding, without naps, Oh Maddy!
I saw the yawn, now its time to close your eyes I saw the yawn
Now its time to nap it up, so get into the crib where you belong
(Now where do you belong?- The crib!)

Moms, you can totally use it. But beware; as it might just excite and entertain the already stimulated baby.

I have totally slacked on the weekly Maddy updates, so I plan to add one today as she is almost 26 weeks old- 6 months!

If I don't get to it, which is possible, I will give a quick rundown.

-She is sitting up really well and playing with her xylophone toy her aunt Pam gave her.
-She still loves Sophie the Giraffe, but usually thrashes her around and hits her against things.
-Crawls backwards. Moving forward is a work in progress.
-No teeth yet! But I think she was "teething" last week, but she seems to have chilled out this week.
-She eats solids 2-3 times a day. Rice cereal totally plugged her up so i am NOT giving that to her again, unless she has diarrhea. The story of Maddy being constipated is probably material for its own blog post. Hint- all my nursing skills and knowledge vanish when something goes wrong with my baby. The only thing being a nurse has done so far is made me MORE paranoid when something goes wrong. Such as- "Hmm...no bowel movements and I think that was puke and not just spit up. Could this be the beginning of a bowel obstruction?". Funny how before having a baby I thought being a nurse would make me a natural as a mother; but instead it hinders it. Oh well!

Solids Review (which is also a review of my cooking, because I made them all myself!)
Green Beans: loves them!
Sweet Potatoes: likes them- especially when I mix them with green beans
Butternut Squash- she could take it or leave it
Pears- LOVES them!
Apples- likes it when they are mixed with pears- otherwise, meh
Avocado- LOVES

She is eating oatmeal baby cereal now instead of rice cereal.

coffee.

So I'm thinking of changing the name of my blog to, "Watch Me Eat My Words", because everyday I am finding new persepctives on things I used to be sooo opinionated about.

The topic today is Stumptown Coffee. I thought this coffee was just another excuse for Portland hipsters to feel better than the rest of us meager suburbians who drank Starbucks. I remember visiting a Stumptown cafe circa 2004 and being disgusted at how snobby the hipsters were who worked there, and the hipster who I overheard complaining about not being able to make rent for her apartment on Belmont; yet she ordered a $3.50 drink and was wearing Citizens of Humanity jeans.

Fast forward to 2009/2010. When I host family get togethers (which is often, much to my delight) my wonderful sisters often bring a pound or two of Stumptown coffee. I always secrety enjoyed it and would be sad as soon as it ran out and I would have to go back to my cheap Trader Joes coffee or the Starbucks roast I had picked up on sale at Safeway. I also came to realize that for whatever reason; Stumptown coffee doesn't give me stomach/colon issues. Sorry for oversharing, but I am quite happy and amazed by this.

So I finally decided that I would now be a Stumptown drinker. I figured that we could even save money by me brewing at home more often. More often became every day, and now I can't even remember the last time I had a latte. Lattes and mochas are soo milky and sweet and don't have enough of that smooth coffee taste. Now, I am at the point where sometimes at night, I am looking forward to brewing a pot of coffee to enjoy in the morning.

Does this kinda sound like an addiction? I think so.

I also realized that I am going through almost a pound of coffee a week; and a pound of coffee is $10, which equals $40 a month. So no, not saving money on coffee by brewing at home. Not good. Not good at all.

So as I sit here and sip liquid gold with a splash of half and half, I realize I need to create a game plan. There must be some weaning involed. I am thinking of brewing 3 cup pots instead of 6 cup pots (even though 6 cup pot of coffee equals about 3 full mugs- which is still too much!)Plus I almost always never finish the last mug and dump it out- what a waste. There is just something about a bottomless cup of coffee. But its time to stop giving into this excessive habit. Its not good for my health either- it stains teeth and raises blood pressure. Ick.

The tenative game plan: Coffee only on work mornings (Tue, Wed, Fri) and Saturday and Sunday morning. I realize thats all but 2 days, but I have to make the goal attainable! And no more 6-cup pots. They will now be 3 cup pots. Herbal tea will be sipped in the meantime.

In My Bag

I'm not sure if this would help anyone out there, but only now have I finally got my pump supplies bag for work all figured out (I've been back for over 2 months now!):

1) Lansonoh Double Electric Pump with extra valves
2) Extra bottles to pump into
3) Lansinoh milk storage bags
4) Breast condtioning/cleaning wipes (http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Soothing-Breast-Wipes/dp/B001G4TMUI) to clean before pumping. Can also wipe down pump parts with these
5)Permanent marker (for marking storage bags)
6)An insulated bottle storage bag (to discreetly store my milk after pumping. I work in an office full of women, but how gross would it be to just set my milk in the fridge!)
7)A burp cloth and zip-lock bag (I lay the burp cloth out on the table and set up my "pumping station", and then to roll the used pump parts up when I'm finished. Then put rolled up parts in a ziplock bag, then put this in a grocery bag and keep in the fridge between pumps*)
8)Lanolin and/or prescription nipple ointment (Only for those who's daughters are mean to their nipples)
9)Clif bars, rosted soy nuts (or other high protein snack), and a bottle of water
10) Magazine (or in my case, I use the computer in the conference room to surf the net or if its a crazy day I pump and chart
11) Last but not least, a Do Not Disturb sign for the door! My co-worker made me a "Privacy Please" sign with a picture of a cow on it. hehe

*Yes, I have learned you don't have to wash the pump parts between use! Simply keep them in fridge between uses. I roll them up in a burp cloth to contain the mess.Then double bag them. I never want my co workers to see a drop of breast milk next to their lunches. Eew.

Enough about breast pumps- I recently shed another 5 pounds! I'm SOOOO excited for this. I have just been eating healthy and avoiding too many sweets. Only about 7 lbs to go.

Week 23/ Maddy's solid food review

Weight -"she's so....heh-vay" (heavy)

Sleeping habit - 7:30-8ishpm to 6:30-7ish am. Had some night wakings to eat last week while she was sick and while Aunt Flo was visiting (this makes my milk supply go down a ton, unfortunately)

Eating habits - 5 full feedings a day, with the new addition of her solid food dinner. We have not changed any of her "liquid feedings", but just add dinner in between her 4pm and 7pm feedings. More on what she thinks about solids later..

Cutest Moment of the Week - Sophie. Yesterday at Ikea, she was grunting and thrashing Sophie repeatedly against her car seat. She was so excited about this that she kept smacking her own face in the heat of things. Either she really loves Sophie, or has some unexplained rage towards her!

Milestones - learning to crawl! Moved herself backwards last week, about 3 feet or so. Also, she suddenly looks exactly like her dad. Her nose is forming and is taking the shape of his (except for the little line on the point- sorry sweetie, you got that from me!)

Firsts -
1) Solid foods- loves them!
2) Sitting up much better- still tips over after a bit

2/20- Rice cereal mixed with formula for dinner (didn't have any breastmilk thawed)
2/21-23 Rice cereal mixed with breast milk- she liked this way better
2/24-2/27- mashed avocado wwith a side of rice cereal. She loves Avocado.
2/28- Butternut squash and a side of rice cereal. She totally made a face at her first few bites of butternut squash, but she still ate 2 tablespoons of it. I have a little leftover avodcado, so I may give her the rest of that tonight.