We have a mover...

Maddy has changed SO much the last couple days! She can crawl forward a little bit now. She still works on it intensely every one of her waking moments, and I know she's going to be into everything once she masters it! I bought baby proofing stuff, but have not yet installed it. I am still in disbelief that my baby is becoming less and less of a baby. Then yesterday, as I sat her up on her changing table to put on her little tee shirt, she reached out and grabbed the edge of the changing table (which has a raised edge/bar on it) and pulled herself up to standing! All by herself, out of the blue! I yelled for Ross and sat her back down and she did it again! We got it on video (will upload soon hopefully).

Weight watchers is going fine. I don't know how much I lost this week because I missed weigh-in today (too busy today, which i will get to later). I am planning on going in tomorrow morning before work, but we will see if that happens. My pants are fitting better and I wore a pair of my size 26 jeans yesterday (stretched them to the max, yes, but hardly ANY muffin tops!) I'm making progress.

Today I had to go in for a work meeting at 8am on my day off, but I won a PF Changs gift card! And my supervisor brought a yummy healthy breakfast (plain yogurt, granola, and berries) so the day started out well. My mother in law babysat maddy for the meeting and then after so I could get a massage!!! I had a one hour massage at Dosha and it was AWESOME. I WILL get one again, but next time allot more time afterward. The have a really nice soaking tub, steam room, and shower facilities that I would have LOVED to utilized more. Then I came home, put the stinker down for a nap, and proceded to move all the furniture out of the living room, vaccum, and shampoo the carpet; effectively undoing all the work that "Matt the Masseuse" did on me. Seriously, I am sitting here in pain and kicking myself. You see, yesterday Ross found a stinky brown spot on the carpet. He even put his finger in it to smell it and try to figure out what it was. Then he found another. And another. Then he looked on the bottom of his shoe and found dog crap. He had just been out in our yard, and we don't even have any freaking dogs. But here we are, with our carpet splattered in poo and a newly crawling 7 month old. Perfect timing, eh? Not as good of timing as pampering yourself in the morning, only to overwork all your muscles in the afternoon. What a crazy life we live.

Other than that, all is well. Ross isn't home from work yet, but he sold 2 cars today. Thats GOOD. I should actually go to bed soon if I want to get weighed tomorrow. Wish me luck and skinniness! :P

Dude, Where's My Blog?

Wow, that was a super lame title. But its what came to mind, so it stays.

Life has been crazy and I wish I had documented it better!

Jobs: Mine is going great! After my wah wah fest (see previous blog) I spent a lot of time thinking and in prayer and decided to change my attitude. After talking with my mother-in-law about things, I realized how great I have it. Great income and benefits for 24 hours a week. Looks like someone needs to count their blessings and be gratful *points to self*. Ross on the other hand...we are thankful he is working, but with how poor sales are going it turns out we were better off when he had unemployment! Seriously- he got his first paycheck and he would be making the same on unemployment. But i still believe it is good for him to be working. Even though it can be stressful to find babysitters, I really don't wish to have an unemployed husband again...I am encouraging him to seek job opportunities at our church, so hopefully more on that.

Husband: See above. My poor Ross. This past year has been REALLY unfair for him. Losing a job he enjoyed, unemployed for a year despite applying to over 100 jobs,getting kicked out of the band he had been faithful to for 6 years...then finally getting that job and it being somewhat of a dissapointment. Pray for him. He is experiencing some amazing growth through this, but I just want to see him happy. Don't worry though- we both agreed that Madelyn more than makes up for all those things listed previously.

Baby- Wonderful. We couldn't have asked for a sweeter baby. She is trying to crawl now. When I set her in her crib for her nap, she just gets up on all fours and gets extremely frustrated. I also think she's teething (aGAIN). However, I don't necessarily wish for this phase to end, because then I will have a crawling baby getting into everything AND with teeth to bite off my nipple. Eeew. And ouch. I celebrate her growth, but also mourn a bit as my baby grows up. And speaking of babies...

Friends- one of my best friends had her baby yesterday! Kara and Jacen welcomed their son Archer about a month before his due date. He is healthy and beautiful. He has the most adroable little cry when he gets unswaddled, but otherwise he just sleeps peacefully. It was only 2 weekends ago that I co-hosted a baby shower for them, and I can't beleive he's already here! That means that another certain baby boy will be making an appearance soon (Katie :)

Me- *sigh* I think God knew I almost had a meltdown, so Madelyn went to bed an hour early without a stink and Ross is coming home a bit late from work, so I get *gasp* ME TIME! Sooooo needed. I've been sitting down for a whole hour now and I feel 89% better. Life is just busy. I really can't complain, but its just...BUSY! But its busy with mostly joyous and wonderful things, so there is really nothing to gripe about. After the funk I was in a couple weeks ago, I decided to make a change. I joined Weight Watchers a week ago and it has been going very well. I have lost 1 lb as of today, but feel like I've lost 10 lbs. I am eating like I should be eating, and it feels really great. I KNOW I'm going to get back to my "happy" weight and am SO excited about that! I also bought some teeth whitener (due to all my working mom coffee binges) and better suited foundation. Got a few new clothing items with my birthday money, and will get my hair touched up with a Dosha gift certificate (also a birthday gift). I know it sounds vain for me to care so much about my appearance, but I am a woman who cares about these things. I also believe that if you are unhappy with someone and have control over it, then you should just change it rather than complain about it. So here I am- one of those silly women who counts their "points" with everything she eats :)

All in all, life is good. I felt bad about how much I complained in my last entry, but I feel its somewhat justified. Though I AM so grateful for the life I have. I need to make more time for myself, though. Thats the next goal, I guess!

week.

I know its my birthday for the next 13 minutes, but I have a secret. Today was really not so great. As I say it, I've "had a day". Now I can't say I've had a "bad day", because there were some really good parts. Ross made me breakfast and had an OK magazine waiting for me this morning. Then we got dressed up and made it to 9:30am service at 9:45am. Not too bad. We went right up to the cry room and enjoyed each other and a good message. Let us (I mean me) not forget what today was REALLY about...

But I actually was supposed to have a nice afternoon to myself shopping while my sister watched Maddy. I had grand ideas of getting myself new make up and buying something to make me feel "pretty". I really have not felt pretty lately. This has been quite a downer on my mood, if you haven't noticed. Sometimes I'll feel pretty and okay, and then I'll see a picture of me and think, "Who's that frizzy haired chunky girl with the bad dye job?". Okay, I know I'm being a little hard on myself, but it is hard to look at other pictures of a 120 lb girl with out a care in the world and then see the pics taken a couple days ago. Anyway, I got to the mall and most stores were closed because of Easter. I should have thought of that, I really should have. But I figured if Ross has to work on Easter, shouldn't the people at Nordstrom and Sephora? So I came home soaked from the rain and empty handed- I should have just stayed home and done laundry; because at least then it would have been finished and not in a huge stack in the corner of my bedroom.

I will be honest; our new lifestyle has been really hard on me. I KNOW I need to count my blessings. I KNOW there are plenty of working mothers out there who work 40 hours a week; not 24. I know that there are a lot of families who don't have the luxury of family babysitting. I know, I know, I know.

Part of it is the stress of Ross' job. He is stressed. He works long hours. Sometimes we barely get a small conversation in before we're ready to go to bed. On bad days, which unfortunately there have been a lot of lately, we end up arguing about something stressful and we don't even get to enjoy each other. We argue about how stressed we are, who should help with what, and other fun topics. Tonight we argued because Madelyn was very difficult to get down for sleep tonight.A couple days ago, I was in pieces over the fact that we thought we were pregnant again. My period was 2 weeks late and I was bloated and emotional. Plus Ross had a "feeling". Turns out I just got to have a REALLY long stint of PMS- sweet. Don't get me wrong, another baby would be a blessing in many ways. I just wouldn't even know what to do with myself in terms of work if I had a 14 month old and a newborn.

It feels good to "vent". As soon as I complain about this stuff, I can hear how spoiled I sound. Our bills are paid, we have a nice home, we have a gorgeous, sweet little baby girl, and despite recent bumps in the road, we have a really great marriage. We are healthy. But Lord, could you make things a little easier? I know I seem ungrateful...but at least give me an easier week this week? I hate to sound so whiney, but I have just had a really hard time adjusting to this. I think that after having Madelyn, I still had a lot of time to get things done and even have some time to myself. Maddy has been a fairly easy baby, and I had Ross as a stay at home dad. Now all at once; Maddy has been more demading, and Ross works so much that he doesn't have time to help with any house work.

For the first time in a while I have found some comfort in a poem. My mom told me part of it when I called her crying a couple days ago. I am thinking of having it tattooed on the inside of my wrist as a little reminder. Not really, but I just need to remember to slow down, breathe, and most of all remember that women have been in my dilemma (and in some cases much worse off) for ages.

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton