2011- The Year I Got a Bit of Myself Back

2009 and 2010 were all about breastfeeding, cloth diapers, sleeping or not sleeping, obsessing about nap schedules, the amount of ounces my baby drank, and just everything about Madelyn's well-being and my false perception that I had to obsess about every little detail or she would end up like this:

I recognized that my post-postpartum anxiety and obsessive tenancies were running myself and my husband ragged. Being forced to work (almost) full-time against my desires seriously challenged my remaining sanity and forced me to take a step back and essentially snap out of it, or else I would lose it.

So I decided to just...let it go.

Easier said than done, but I have been forcing myself to believe the following on a regular basis:

1) Madelyn won't spontaneously stop breathing for no reason

2) I am very unlikely to get into a horrible car accident when Madelyn is in the car

3) If she cries (whines) in her room by herself for a bit, she will not be permanently and emotionally scarred and hate her mother

4) If she's hungry, she will eat. If she's being difficult and picky; she can just chose not to eat, and I don't have to rip my hair out. If she went a whole day without eating a green vegetable; I won't be judged by others and she won't have colon issues when she's older. She's a healthy girl. I should encourage healthy eating; not obsess about it.

5) She won't stop loving me as much because I work 4 days out of the week.

.....and so on, and so on...

I'm pretty sure these are really common "new parent" fears and struggles, but these things were causing me to snap at people and I thought about these things way, way, way too often. Even though it wasn't totally easy, I have been SO much happier since I let it go.

What I have been doing in my spare time:

1) Rekindling my physical and emotional bond with my husband

2) Connecting with new and old friends (moms and non-moms)

3) Running a comb through my hair, wearing cuter outfits and makeup and feeling better about my overall physical appearance (Vain? yes. But I don't care. My looks matter to me; that's just how it is. I am a much happier woman when I feel groomed/done up. If 30-45 minutes in the morning as opposed to 15 can accomplish that, then I'd say thats 15 minutes well spent!).

4) Going to the gym 3 times a week (With Maddy). That has felt awesome. I am pretty sure I replace all calories burned with my ever-lasting love for food and wine, but at least I'm not gaining, and I am finally getting my old abs back!

Maddy is still as spoiled with love as she has ever been; only now her mama is looking and feeling a whole lot bettah. Honestly, my life still revolves around that little girl (what can I say? She's amazing) but I have a great balance, even though I'm away from her more than I have ever been. On Tuesday through Friday, I am usually the first person she see when she wakes up. I try to get ready before she wakes so that I can change her, give her a bottle, and love her for 15 minutes before I have to leave for work. When I get home, the girl gives me a huge smile with those bright blue eyes, runs up to me, throws her arms around my neck for a tight hug, and then pulls back, and holds my face with her little hands. She looks at me as if to say, "Just making sure- it is you, right mama? Okay, it is you! Oh, how I've missed you!" and then hugs me again. Sometimes, I even get a big 'ole smooch. Not too shabby!

Ross has some job prospects, so one day I may get my dream of being a part-time working mom again. Heck; if that happens, maybe we'll even have more babies. In the mean time, I am happy to say we are surviving; and maybe even thriving.

Madelyn Update- 16 months

I have been terrible at blogging, but I have been AWESOME at spending all my spare non-working time with Maddy, or spending time with Ross, or even spending time on myself. It's been so nice!

In all that time, I have observed so many changes in my little girl that I haven't written down anywhere- so here it is:

Madelyn Kristine- 16 months

Stats:

Height: 30.6"

Weight: 21 lb 12 oz

Head Circ: 18.3"

Teeth-

OMG- teeth galore. I wish I could draw a teeth map on here. Hold on...

So...according to the map above, Maddy has all of her baby teeth except for a few. On the uppers, she is just missing 1 second molar and 1 canine. On the bottom, she is missing 2 second molars and 1 canine. its crazy train! She is eating bits of steak and finally figuring out how to chew stuff!

Words:

My analytical little girl says these words on a regular basis:

Hi-ee (Hi, waves too)

Bu-Byeee (bye bye, waves too)

Mow (meow- in response to when the cats meow)

Mama

Dadee

occasionally---

-"i-eet"- she points to lights and says this sometimes

-"bah-ool"- bottle

She is very, very social and loves to play with toys and other kids. She runs and loves to climb up and go down the slide at Clackamas Town Center.

On January 7, 2011; she had her first kiss on the lips from a boy.

My little girl is growing up so fast! :)