The Rumors are True...

I have been anxiously waiting and waiting for the 12 week mark. Everyone said that by this time the nausea should wane and the energy should start to climb back up. I am so thankful that this appears to be true for me! Today I spent 2 1/2 hours browsing Nordstrom Rack and enjoyed every minute of it, and then enjoyed a great spaghetti and salad dinner. I also just enjoyed my first (decaf) latte in about two months. I'm back, kids! Bring on the fat!

I just got myself a Bella Band at Target. Its this little white stretchy thing that kind of looks like a tube top; but you can unbutton your pre-pregnancy jeans and cover the top with this band and it keeps them up (and covers the obvious unbuttoned look). This thing is awesome. Its the first time in ages I've been able to wear some of my more fitted jeans without having muffin tops! It just looks like I'm wearing a long white tank underneath my shirt (which I usually do anyway). I may keep this thing around for after the pregnancy; just when I feel a little poochy.

In other good news, we did get that temporary intrest rate reduction on our home loan, which saves us a hefty little chunk of cash each month. Halleluja!!!!! Ross is still job hunting and has his sites set on a certain company. Please keep him in your prayers.

Well its approaching 8:00pm, so I need to start thinking about bed in the next hour or so. Tomorrow looks to be a slow day at work, so I need the extra sleep to keep me awake.

Phinally some Photos

Grr...I wish I knew how to make this look really nice and put captions on each separate one! Is blogger not so user friendly or I am too lazy to figure it out? Okay so you just get one caption:

Top 2 photos: 3/11/09- 11 weeks along. "His"? little head is on the right- see the little nose? The white thing right above the nose is actually its little right fist. He was either punching or giving us a thumbs up, "Nice work, guys". The second picture is just more close up, but I just love the little chicken legs! (Left side of baby)
Third from top: 2/10/09- Little baby at 7 weeks and my first OB visit. The little heart flickered away on the screen as we stared in awe; wondering how something so tiny could cause so much suffering (and yes, joy).
Bottom: 1/19/09. My third positive pregnancy test. I had taken tests on 1/15 and 1/16but those results were undecided (incredibly faint line); which I later learned is still a big fat positive.

These pics are captured by our crappy 6 year old digital camera, so they are a little blurry. I will actually scan these at some point to get better quality.

OBSESSED

I got to see my little baby again yesterday and it was just so amazing! My doctor performs the ultrasound right in the exam room while I have my appointment, so we spent a good twenty minutes watching the little "guy" and looking at "it" from different angles. I am officially in love. Not that I was indifferent about the baby before, but this time I got to see way more that a little blob with a flickering heart (which my mom reminds me "a little blob is a baby too!"). I saw a nose and chin, an arm that took a swing and looked like it punched at us, little legs that kicked like they were riding a bicycle, and even a little "swimming" around. It is something I have never experienced before and I can't stop thinking about it! I am already becoming an obnoxious proud mommy and showed the pictures and have told this story about a dozen times already. But I just can't help it! This is the highlight of my life right now- between my fatigue and job uncertainty (hubs) we have this wonderful bundle of joy to make us happy.

Ross found a letter today when he was cleaning the house. I had written it to him in 2005 when we were still newly weds. I think we had just had a big fight and had made up, and I wrote him a long letter about loving him unconditionally and having faith in our committment to each other. It was actually pretty powerful for us both to read, and to think about how far we have come since then. Wow.

And now here we are. I am actually supposed to be taking a nap before we go to our friends house, but I got distracted by the 'ole computer again. I'll probably end up falling asleep on their couch :)

A blog from this arctic blast of a living room

We are using practically NO heat now to save money. Only intermittently using the fireplace. This is the part I hate. I can be good and save money. I can bargain shop for groceries, I can go without my "shopping fixes"....but I HATE sacrificing comfort. Ross and I are different in terms of our ideas for cutting costs. In my opinion, we should never have to go without heat unless we are practically homeless. Ross is firm that we should go without heat and other luxeries so that we will NEVER be practically homeless. He is probably the right one. Bummer. Pardon me for being a spoiled brat, but I just hate being cold on top of tired and nauseous (but only a little nauseous these days, at least!). All this makes for one crabby mamma to be.

As you can probably tell from the tone of this blog, I am bummed. I normally would be fine, but I think the pregnancy hormones are gettng the best of me. I have been taking it out on Ross terribly, and I'm surprised he's taking it the way he has. Probably because I usually follow it up with a hug and "I'm sorry for being mean, I'm sorry"...you know, like a wife beater does :)

Wells Fargo has been very difficult about giving us a better rate on our mortgage. First they told us we made too much money for a rate decrease. So when we sent them our updated stats, they had the nerve to say, "Uh, now you don't make enough money...forclosure may be the only option". What!?!?! And they won't count unemployment as income either; so they are very much assuming we can't make our mortgage payment- which couldn't be farther from the truth. What about people who are responsible and plan ahead or have the means to have a savings account for situations like this? I guess that doesn't count for anything. I will work overtime and sell my left pinky before we would ever forclose on this house, so thats not the concern here. But then at that point they still aren't going to help us out. Lame. They are handing out lower rates to everything that breathes and we cannot get any help at all. Then again, Ross and I are both able bodies with college degrees that can work, so I shouldn't complain too much. Its just frustrating to be told that foreclosure is even an option. Just saying the word "foreclosure" raises my heart rate.

Annnnyyyway...I officially feel like a big complainer. But it does feel good to get it all out. I'm whining because we had to turn the heat off and I don't know when I'll have extra spending money again. How ridiculous is that? Very ridiculous, in the grand scheme of things. There are people out there sleeping on the sidewalk at this very moment. I need to get a grip.

Its my day off-tuesday,and I slept for 12 hours last night. It felt so good I could do it again! The nausea is getting much, much better which helps me see a light at the end of the tunnel for this first trimester. Two more weeks and I will officially be in the second trimester- when the growing begins. I still don't look pregnant at all, except for when I pooch my stomach out after a meal from all the gas. My babe is about 1.5 inches long or so, and we get to see him or her again tomorrow!

I just want to throw him out the window

Sometimes I get really sick of my cat, Nigel. He constantly wines and would eat 24/7 if he had his way. Then when WE'RE eating he wants to jump on our laps and cuddle. If there is no food in his dish, and he don't respond to him immediately, he eats any peice of dirt or fuzz he can find on the floor, which often leads to him puking on the rug or carpet. Not on the hard floor which is easier to clean, but always on a rug.
The worst part to this is, when I yell at him for being annoying (and naughty), I see and hear myself yelling at our kid(s) when they get older and do something bad, and I HATE the way it sounds. If I want to toss an annoying cat out the window, will I be okay when a baby never stops crying? I know a baby is not a CAT, but sometimes I get scared and wonder if I'll be a good parent.
On to more exciting things...we are going to Hawaii in May! We're going for Lisa and Tim's wedding but we'll stay an entire week. I thought we weren't going to be able to afford it, but a time share opened up for the week of the wedding. We own a timeshare and can exchange it for pretty much anywhere in the world- but it seems like you usually have to book it 2 years in advance to get the time and place you want. We have been really frustrated with it, but it is finally paying off! So we get to stay in a resort in Kauai for about 20$ a day. Then we found ultra cheap plane tickets for they days we were going, so clearly it was meant to be. I hesitated momentarily d/t to the job loss situation, but I felt so strongly that we need to do this. Who knows when we would ever get to go to Hawaii again (for so cheap at least). I'll be 5 months pregnant,super white pale since I can't go tanning, and will have to drink virgin mai tais, but who cares :) If anyone has been to Kauai and has any restaurants or activities to recommend, please do!

The bump in the road I sadly was halfway expecting

Ross lost his job today. The small company he worked for had to lay off 1/3 of their employees due to how bad business has been. This has been in the back of our minds for a while now- since the economy has tanked. Amazingly enough, we both feel okay. Ross received huge amounts of praise from his former boss and president of the company. They even said that if things got better, they would call him and love to have him back. I honestly feel bad for the president of a company like this- HAVING to lay people off and watching your business fail. Its just a bad situation all around. The only part of this that made me cry is thinking about Ross's co-workers who are already fathers and are the main providers for their family. Here are the reasons Ross and I are taking this better than I ever thought we would:

1) First and foremost, we both have this amazing, surprisingly strong amount of comfort that God is taking care of us, He will provide and protect, and we will be okay.
2) I have an amazing job that pays well and has outstanding benefits. I can insure Ross and myself for about 12$ a month. As a registered nurse I will always have a job (unless my fingers get chopped off...but then I could always still do phone triage :)
3)If we need more $, I can go back to working 5 days a week instead of 4.
4) We tried to refinance our home to get a better rate for our mortgage. The other day we were told we do not qualify unless we can prove we are in financial hardship. Hmmm...daddy lost his job with a baby on the way? I think we qualify :)Which leads me to another silver lining...We have to send the bank my last two paystubs so they can see what I make (as I am now the sole provider)
5) My last two paystubs were smaller than usual because I took a couple days off and I don't have PTO yet. So that will help us to qualify for help and get a lower mortgage rate.
6) We were blessed with a very hearty tax refund this year! I was going to save it for maternity leave, but we can use it while Ross finds a new job
7) Ross received a severance check which included his vacation time, and it was for more than a month's pay.
8) They made his official termination date March 1 so he is still insured through March.
9) We've been through this before...about 4 years ago when were were already a lot worse off financially. We made it through that one. I believe we have the wisdom, faith, and support from family to make it through again.
10) He should qualify for unemployment.
11) Ross is highly skilled and educated, and has a very diverse, unique, and desirable skill set. Not to mention a stunning personality and handsome face :) He is very hirable. I know it won't be easy to find a job during this time, but he will.


Pray mostly for Ross- that he not be discouraged and is able to find a new job that fulfills him and provides for our family. Maybe even a better job so I won't have to alway be a working mommy? :) He actually is doing well. His lay off had nothing to do with perfomance and everything to do with the company failing, and he understands that.

Our sweetie in the womb is almost 10 weeks old and we are still as thrilled as ever about having a little baby. My nausea has leveled out and maybe even improved slightly. Still there though. I won't go into any details, but sadly I won't be able to eat lasagne or strawberries for a while (hopefully not forever!) My mom to this day hates curry, because once when she had pregnancy nausea they lived next to a Thai couple who always had curry smells coming from their home. (Notice I call it pregnancy nausea and not "morning sickness". I am boycotting the name "morning sickness", its so misleading.)

I should go to enjoy the evening with my hubby. We are cooking leftover pizza under the broiler, watching a movie, and cuddling next to the space heater to save $$ on heating the place :) We're going to be alright!

"I have to admit its getting bettah..."

Today just felt glorious for me. I didn't hurl this morning during my shower (isn't that weird? Almost every morning during my shower, I have to puke, and then shower sitting down so I don't faint. Its so pathetic!). But today I took a shower STANDING up without interruptions! Then I ate a good breakfast of an entire ruby red grapefruit (not just half) and yogurt, and a big turkey sandwich for lunch. A very good day indeed. Yesterday was okay, so I am thinking that either a) I'm just getting used to this first trimester junk and have learned to adapt or b) I have just been lucky these last couple days. (Then of course there's c)- the fear in the back of my mind that something went wrong with the pregnancy...but there's no need for me to obsess about that. No. I obsess about bad stuff way too much as it is!). Any way you look at it, its good, because I am tired of being a whiney little bee-yotch. The faitgue is becoming more acceptable; I just have allowed myself to lay down and nap whenever I please (except at work- although its not too far fetched condidering we have recliner chairs and warm blankets.)
I know I have said this before, but work has been wonderful for this time in my life. Not only am I surrounded by such supportive and helpful ladies at work, but my patients are just amazing people. A lot of them deal with nausea, vomiting, and fatigue, but they are fighting for their life. It puts my symptoms into perspective, and helps me to stop focusing on myself and my nausea (or "Our Nausea" as Buster would refer to it. 50 points if you get that joke.)
On Wednesday night, Ross really wanted me to go with him to Best Buy, because him and I don't get to spend that much quality time together (when not working, I'm usually sleeping). He lured me with the promise of getting me a Rodeo Cheeseburger from Burger King, so I came. I could only eat half of it, but it was worth it. I felt so white trash in my little mismatched hoodie, yoga pants that are a little too long for my short legs, and house slippers. Not to mention the Burger King Soda in my hand. It was pretty great. But the evening only got better when we had to stop at "Geek Squad" inside Best Buy to discuss our faulty DVD player. The guy helping us was as pleasant as could be, but he had this presumably fake British accent that kind of came and went as he gave us his spiel on the DVD player. Ross and I later giggled about how he broke character more than a few times. It was an entertaining Wednesday night.

Well now I am feeling a little guilty for not doing a little work on my disgusting kitchen, or cooking a little something for dinner. Man, it will be hard once this baby comes into the world and I won't be able to get out of house work and chores. I may update later with "Belly pictures". (Just for fun, since I'm not supposed to be showing yet. But I am a little more poochy than normal from my uterus growing to acommodate the new one AND all that gas. Ah, the gas. Its hard to act like a lady with all this gas! Too much info? Gas gas gas gas gas!)