We have a mover...

Maddy has changed SO much the last couple days! She can crawl forward a little bit now. She still works on it intensely every one of her waking moments, and I know she's going to be into everything once she masters it! I bought baby proofing stuff, but have not yet installed it. I am still in disbelief that my baby is becoming less and less of a baby. Then yesterday, as I sat her up on her changing table to put on her little tee shirt, she reached out and grabbed the edge of the changing table (which has a raised edge/bar on it) and pulled herself up to standing! All by herself, out of the blue! I yelled for Ross and sat her back down and she did it again! We got it on video (will upload soon hopefully).

Weight watchers is going fine. I don't know how much I lost this week because I missed weigh-in today (too busy today, which i will get to later). I am planning on going in tomorrow morning before work, but we will see if that happens. My pants are fitting better and I wore a pair of my size 26 jeans yesterday (stretched them to the max, yes, but hardly ANY muffin tops!) I'm making progress.

Today I had to go in for a work meeting at 8am on my day off, but I won a PF Changs gift card! And my supervisor brought a yummy healthy breakfast (plain yogurt, granola, and berries) so the day started out well. My mother in law babysat maddy for the meeting and then after so I could get a massage!!! I had a one hour massage at Dosha and it was AWESOME. I WILL get one again, but next time allot more time afterward. The have a really nice soaking tub, steam room, and shower facilities that I would have LOVED to utilized more. Then I came home, put the stinker down for a nap, and proceded to move all the furniture out of the living room, vaccum, and shampoo the carpet; effectively undoing all the work that "Matt the Masseuse" did on me. Seriously, I am sitting here in pain and kicking myself. You see, yesterday Ross found a stinky brown spot on the carpet. He even put his finger in it to smell it and try to figure out what it was. Then he found another. And another. Then he looked on the bottom of his shoe and found dog crap. He had just been out in our yard, and we don't even have any freaking dogs. But here we are, with our carpet splattered in poo and a newly crawling 7 month old. Perfect timing, eh? Not as good of timing as pampering yourself in the morning, only to overwork all your muscles in the afternoon. What a crazy life we live.

Other than that, all is well. Ross isn't home from work yet, but he sold 2 cars today. Thats GOOD. I should actually go to bed soon if I want to get weighed tomorrow. Wish me luck and skinniness! :P

Dude, Where's My Blog?

Wow, that was a super lame title. But its what came to mind, so it stays.

Life has been crazy and I wish I had documented it better!

Jobs: Mine is going great! After my wah wah fest (see previous blog) I spent a lot of time thinking and in prayer and decided to change my attitude. After talking with my mother-in-law about things, I realized how great I have it. Great income and benefits for 24 hours a week. Looks like someone needs to count their blessings and be gratful *points to self*. Ross on the other hand...we are thankful he is working, but with how poor sales are going it turns out we were better off when he had unemployment! Seriously- he got his first paycheck and he would be making the same on unemployment. But i still believe it is good for him to be working. Even though it can be stressful to find babysitters, I really don't wish to have an unemployed husband again...I am encouraging him to seek job opportunities at our church, so hopefully more on that.

Husband: See above. My poor Ross. This past year has been REALLY unfair for him. Losing a job he enjoyed, unemployed for a year despite applying to over 100 jobs,getting kicked out of the band he had been faithful to for 6 years...then finally getting that job and it being somewhat of a dissapointment. Pray for him. He is experiencing some amazing growth through this, but I just want to see him happy. Don't worry though- we both agreed that Madelyn more than makes up for all those things listed previously.

Baby- Wonderful. We couldn't have asked for a sweeter baby. She is trying to crawl now. When I set her in her crib for her nap, she just gets up on all fours and gets extremely frustrated. I also think she's teething (aGAIN). However, I don't necessarily wish for this phase to end, because then I will have a crawling baby getting into everything AND with teeth to bite off my nipple. Eeew. And ouch. I celebrate her growth, but also mourn a bit as my baby grows up. And speaking of babies...

Friends- one of my best friends had her baby yesterday! Kara and Jacen welcomed their son Archer about a month before his due date. He is healthy and beautiful. He has the most adroable little cry when he gets unswaddled, but otherwise he just sleeps peacefully. It was only 2 weekends ago that I co-hosted a baby shower for them, and I can't beleive he's already here! That means that another certain baby boy will be making an appearance soon (Katie :)

Me- *sigh* I think God knew I almost had a meltdown, so Madelyn went to bed an hour early without a stink and Ross is coming home a bit late from work, so I get *gasp* ME TIME! Sooooo needed. I've been sitting down for a whole hour now and I feel 89% better. Life is just busy. I really can't complain, but its just...BUSY! But its busy with mostly joyous and wonderful things, so there is really nothing to gripe about. After the funk I was in a couple weeks ago, I decided to make a change. I joined Weight Watchers a week ago and it has been going very well. I have lost 1 lb as of today, but feel like I've lost 10 lbs. I am eating like I should be eating, and it feels really great. I KNOW I'm going to get back to my "happy" weight and am SO excited about that! I also bought some teeth whitener (due to all my working mom coffee binges) and better suited foundation. Got a few new clothing items with my birthday money, and will get my hair touched up with a Dosha gift certificate (also a birthday gift). I know it sounds vain for me to care so much about my appearance, but I am a woman who cares about these things. I also believe that if you are unhappy with someone and have control over it, then you should just change it rather than complain about it. So here I am- one of those silly women who counts their "points" with everything she eats :)

All in all, life is good. I felt bad about how much I complained in my last entry, but I feel its somewhat justified. Though I AM so grateful for the life I have. I need to make more time for myself, though. Thats the next goal, I guess!

week.

I know its my birthday for the next 13 minutes, but I have a secret. Today was really not so great. As I say it, I've "had a day". Now I can't say I've had a "bad day", because there were some really good parts. Ross made me breakfast and had an OK magazine waiting for me this morning. Then we got dressed up and made it to 9:30am service at 9:45am. Not too bad. We went right up to the cry room and enjoyed each other and a good message. Let us (I mean me) not forget what today was REALLY about...

But I actually was supposed to have a nice afternoon to myself shopping while my sister watched Maddy. I had grand ideas of getting myself new make up and buying something to make me feel "pretty". I really have not felt pretty lately. This has been quite a downer on my mood, if you haven't noticed. Sometimes I'll feel pretty and okay, and then I'll see a picture of me and think, "Who's that frizzy haired chunky girl with the bad dye job?". Okay, I know I'm being a little hard on myself, but it is hard to look at other pictures of a 120 lb girl with out a care in the world and then see the pics taken a couple days ago. Anyway, I got to the mall and most stores were closed because of Easter. I should have thought of that, I really should have. But I figured if Ross has to work on Easter, shouldn't the people at Nordstrom and Sephora? So I came home soaked from the rain and empty handed- I should have just stayed home and done laundry; because at least then it would have been finished and not in a huge stack in the corner of my bedroom.

I will be honest; our new lifestyle has been really hard on me. I KNOW I need to count my blessings. I KNOW there are plenty of working mothers out there who work 40 hours a week; not 24. I know that there are a lot of families who don't have the luxury of family babysitting. I know, I know, I know.

Part of it is the stress of Ross' job. He is stressed. He works long hours. Sometimes we barely get a small conversation in before we're ready to go to bed. On bad days, which unfortunately there have been a lot of lately, we end up arguing about something stressful and we don't even get to enjoy each other. We argue about how stressed we are, who should help with what, and other fun topics. Tonight we argued because Madelyn was very difficult to get down for sleep tonight.A couple days ago, I was in pieces over the fact that we thought we were pregnant again. My period was 2 weeks late and I was bloated and emotional. Plus Ross had a "feeling". Turns out I just got to have a REALLY long stint of PMS- sweet. Don't get me wrong, another baby would be a blessing in many ways. I just wouldn't even know what to do with myself in terms of work if I had a 14 month old and a newborn.

It feels good to "vent". As soon as I complain about this stuff, I can hear how spoiled I sound. Our bills are paid, we have a nice home, we have a gorgeous, sweet little baby girl, and despite recent bumps in the road, we have a really great marriage. We are healthy. But Lord, could you make things a little easier? I know I seem ungrateful...but at least give me an easier week this week? I hate to sound so whiney, but I have just had a really hard time adjusting to this. I think that after having Madelyn, I still had a lot of time to get things done and even have some time to myself. Maddy has been a fairly easy baby, and I had Ross as a stay at home dad. Now all at once; Maddy has been more demading, and Ross works so much that he doesn't have time to help with any house work.

For the first time in a while I have found some comfort in a poem. My mom told me part of it when I called her crying a couple days ago. I am thinking of having it tattooed on the inside of my wrist as a little reminder. Not really, but I just need to remember to slow down, breathe, and most of all remember that women have been in my dilemma (and in some cases much worse off) for ages.

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

quick update and things I hate

life is so hectic right now. I have felt for a week straight like I just want to quit my job. Housework and babycare with a husband who works 50 hours a week is hard to juggle with a 24 hour/week job! Many vents were said, and many prayers were said, and I am convinced and have had many indications that I need to keep going and not be discouraged. I can do it. I just will have hairy legs and an ugly no makeup face a lot of the time. Ross told me I'm still beautiful- God bless him.

Tonight and this afternoon I was so busy I didn't have time to eat- so I ate the leftover pureed sweet potatos and peas that Maddy didn't want. Score! I spend so much time making sure my baby has everything all natural and pure; and yet my diet consists of string cheese (quick protien) and Clif bars with the occasional hit of McDonalds fries. It seems so backwards, but I'm working on it.

Oh yeah, things I hate (for some reason I wanted to stress this:)
-"Heeleys" or those shoes with the wheel on the heel. I hate them with a passion. If anyone ever gifts these to Maddy, then some lucky boy or girl will come across a brand new, unused pair of Heeley's at the Salvation Army.
-Cheesy pictures with Babies heads in the center of a big flower. Can you say butt ugly? There are tons in Maddy's pediatrician clinic and they make me almost angry because I hate them so much.

Okay, time to bathe and put my girl to bed.

27 weeks (6 months, 1 week)

Age: 27 weeks


Weight -we will find out thursday for her 6 month check-up, but I'm guessing ball park of 15 lbs

Sleeping habit - 8pm to 7-7:30am. Her naps are getting a lot better. I finally figured out a rhythm; she naps at about 9:30 am and 2-3pm for at least an hour each time.

Eating habits -
7-7:30am: nurse
8:30am- solids meal- usually 3 fruit cubes (3oz) Lately has been pears and apples; dad likes to add oatmeal to thicken it up
10:30am-nurse
11am- snack; just started this one; prunes to help with bowel movements or apple chunks in her mesh feeder/teether

Cutest Moment of the Week - playing "peek-a-boo" with my mom. My mom was holding her and quickly caught on that maddy kept turning her head away and then turning back to look at her everytime she talked. So everytime Maddy turned to my mom, my mom said, "BooP!!!". Maddy turned it into a game and kept turning away and then back to my mom and would giggle everytime my mom "boop'ed.

Milestones - very stong and sitting up very well for a long time without falling over

Firsts -
1) real food- apple chunks in the teether

About Madelyn: She is a very sweet baby. She is rarely fussing- only when she's had a rough/busy day. She can sit and play with toys for a LONG time and be content. She is full of smiles and beams anytime you look at her and talk to her. She still loves to bounce and stand. She is very intent and sometimes really concentrates hard on toys. She "talks" a lot now. She squeals, says "ah-mah", and laughs a ton.

Nee-ew Life, Nee-ew Life

Background to random title- since everyone other than my husband and possibly my sisters don't understand whats going on in my head: Title says "New Life" in English Depeche Mode accent; sung to the tune of their hit from their first album Speak and Spell titled, "New Life".

Either way- we have a new life. It consists of Ross working at least 50 hours a week and me working 24 hours a week. In his spare time he sleeps, does yard work, hugs me, hangs with the fam, or tries to process his new job; if he's not working overtime giving a test drive to someone who walked on the lot 10 minutes before closing time.

I spend 24 hours at work. As for the other 144 hours in the week, I am: Sleeping approximately 7 hours each night, taking care of Maddy, spring cleaning, usual house cleaning, laundry, dishes, making dinner, grocery shopping....etc, etc.

I'm not complaining or asking for sympathy in any way. My house actually looks better than ever because I have become way more efficient with my time. Since it is the change of a season, the bugs are out. Those who know me know that I am almost pathologically bug-phobic. So once a see a bug in the house, every square inch gets cleaned to make sure I destroy any of its little friends and family.

Work is pretty good. Getting into the groove of having babysitters is a new adjustment. I had a mini-meltdown yesterday that caused me to re-evaulate everything. Here's a peek into our life (which I am very thankful for, by the way!):

I work Tue, Wed, Fri. Ross works Wed-Sun. That leaves us with Monday off together, Ross home with her Tuesday while I'm at work, and babysitters required for Wednesday and Friday. Ross's mom has commited to watching Maddy most Wednesdays. So Friday is up for grabs. My sisters fill in the blanks as possible with their jobs (I am SO blessed to have family watching her most of the time!!!!). When my sisters or Ross's mom can't watch her on Friday, our good friend Jenni has watched her (I totally trust Jenni and she is basically family; Ross has known her since he was little). However; this week Jenni is out of town and my sisters are super busy with work due to spring break. So two weeks into our new life of both of us working; we are without a babysitter. Long story short, I had a good talk with my new manager who I am just getting to know. She is being super supportive (Thank You Lord)and told me to take this Friday off like it was no big deal. THIS is the kind of thing that keeps me working. Working for a good company with supportive staff makes all the difference.

I can't deny that all these stressors have made me comtemplate taking a hiatus from work and being a stay at home mom. Maddy is growing like a weed and changing ev-ery-day. She is such an awesome person and I love getting to know her and don't want to miss a second with her. I worked hard throughout my pregnancy to support our family; and now that Ross has a job I feel like I can pass the torch to him. Right now I am providing our health insurance (damn good insurance at that) so I will obviously keep at it. At 90 days, Ross will have benefits, but I'm not sure if they will be as good as mine. Also, this is a new career for him, and who knows how long he will be there. Also, who knows how much he will make, and how steady in the flow of his income will be as a car salesman? Its a feast and famine type of deal. Me, on the other hand? I have a sweet job working with the greatest patients you could imagine. I get paid well, get awesome benefits for only working 24 hours a week, and I will always have weekends and holidays off. I also happen to love being a housewife and mommy, and would like to start thinking about Maddy getting a little brother or sister. Without the second (and then third, and...maybe fourth???) kid, I am already running off of adrenaline every day, because now that Ross is working so much I have ALL of the baby and home resonsibilities, WITH 24 hours a week of work.

Welcome to the inside of my head.

Again, I am not compaining. We are literally overflowing with blessings. We have blessings coming out of our ears. I just am constantly thinking about this dilemma. In so many ways I should stay home. But in so many ways I shouldn't stop working. I didn't even mention how important it is for me to keep up my skills as an RN, and I don't think I would be completely happy if I wasn't being a nurse at all for a while. ALSO, Madelyn is getting very special time with her grandma Kris and her aunts Emily and Pam. When she is at Jenni's, she gets to be around Jenni's daughter Lilly (age 2) and experience some valuable lessons in independence in being away from her family.

It could go either way, really. For now, obviously the best option is to keep working. In the meantime, many prayers will be said. My mind is awfully tired, and I need to turn this over to God.

***EDIT*** I forgot to mention, that my natural mothering choices are causing a bit of a strain in my life. My milk supply is not keeping up with Maddy for her bedtime feedings, so this is how it goes: She used to nurse at night for 20-30 minutes and fall asleep at the end. It was beautiful. Now she nurses for 30-45 minutes and then almost falls asleep, but then spazzes out because she is still hungry and I don't make enough milk for her for bedtime (daytime nursing seems to be fine). So she punches my boob and fusses (seriously). So I set her down in the crib, go downstairs, heat up formula or pumped milk, and then try to calm her down after she's pissed off from not filling her stomach as she pleased earlier. The, she GULPS down about 3 oz of breast milk or formula in the bottle, and I am cursing my boobs and wondering why I just nursed her for 45 freaking minutes minutes in the first place. Also, after 6 months, my cloth diapers have stink build up and I now have to "strip" them. "Stripping" cloth diapers = washing and then boiling them in a pot of water on the stove for 15 minutes; 4 diapers in a pot at a time. We have approximately 50 cloth diapers. This has been very time consuming in my already busy life. Venting aside: I still want to breastfeed and cloth diaper her, and its worth it so far.

Naps

Madelyn is NOT a good napper. While she has other great qualities such as sleeping through the night and being incredibly sweet and cute; naps are not her thang. It is 9:25am and I am attemptimg nap #1 of the day. Ross and I have this thing where if we see her yawn, we go "ooooooooO! I saw that yawn! I saw that yawn! You know you need o nap!" and it just makes her laugh hysterically. So today I made up a clever little naptime time; sung to the tune of Ace of Base's "I Saw the Sign".


I saw the yawn, now its time to close your eyes I saw the yawn
Life is demanding, without naps, Oh Maddy!
I saw the yawn, now its time to close your eyes I saw the yawn
Now its time to nap it up, so get into the crib where you belong
(Now where do you belong?- The crib!)

Moms, you can totally use it. But beware; as it might just excite and entertain the already stimulated baby.

I have totally slacked on the weekly Maddy updates, so I plan to add one today as she is almost 26 weeks old- 6 months!

If I don't get to it, which is possible, I will give a quick rundown.

-She is sitting up really well and playing with her xylophone toy her aunt Pam gave her.
-She still loves Sophie the Giraffe, but usually thrashes her around and hits her against things.
-Crawls backwards. Moving forward is a work in progress.
-No teeth yet! But I think she was "teething" last week, but she seems to have chilled out this week.
-She eats solids 2-3 times a day. Rice cereal totally plugged her up so i am NOT giving that to her again, unless she has diarrhea. The story of Maddy being constipated is probably material for its own blog post. Hint- all my nursing skills and knowledge vanish when something goes wrong with my baby. The only thing being a nurse has done so far is made me MORE paranoid when something goes wrong. Such as- "Hmm...no bowel movements and I think that was puke and not just spit up. Could this be the beginning of a bowel obstruction?". Funny how before having a baby I thought being a nurse would make me a natural as a mother; but instead it hinders it. Oh well!

Solids Review (which is also a review of my cooking, because I made them all myself!)
Green Beans: loves them!
Sweet Potatoes: likes them- especially when I mix them with green beans
Butternut Squash- she could take it or leave it
Pears- LOVES them!
Apples- likes it when they are mixed with pears- otherwise, meh
Avocado- LOVES

She is eating oatmeal baby cereal now instead of rice cereal.