And a REAL Update/ 18 months

The job opportunity? DENIED. I won't lie; last week was a very difficult week in the Lumsden household. Just picture Ross reading the denial email 15 minutes before I had to leave for work. Many tears were shed, hopes and dreams crashed, and that day I was actually sent home early because I was so upset. Wednesday March 16th, 2011 was a pretty low point for us.

Thursday morning was difficult too, but it all got better from there. We went to our regular Thursday night Bible study and were uplifted with prayer and support. We had a great weekend with friends, and then had a quick visit to my mom. I honestly had been feeling sorry for myself. After talking with a couple friends who are also going through difficult times, and watching footage of the recent tragedy in Japan; I was humbled and reminded that I need to be thankful for our blessings; even though I don't have exactly what I want now.

Its hard to explain our struggle; because its not like we can't pay the bills, or go out from time to time. We are both physically healthy beings, and we have a beautiful, sweet, intelligent, amazing daughter (can you tell I'm a bit proud?). We have amazingly supportive family and friends. We have a roof over our heads, and its even a nice roof by some people's standards ;)

In fact, sorting it all out like that makes me feel like we're selfish and ungrateful. And for that reason, I'm not going to talk about our struggle. You get it; you've heard it about it for the last 2 years. Last week WAS a low point, emotionally, but we are doing a lot better. Prayer and perspective works miracles. I am growing up every day, and I am thankful to gain wisdom now so that I can teach my daughter to be a smart and grateful young lady. Oh yeah, and the other kids someday when we get to it. *as a side note- I held a 1 week old baby tonight and felt completely at ease. Even when Maddy tugged at my shirt and said "bay-be? Ma ma! Ma ma!". YES I'd like another, please*.

Oh...and for those who pray for us? We actually do have yet another job prospect on the horizon. I won't talk about it, nor get my hopes up. But just please, pray for Ross and this possible opportunity.

*switching gears*

I am a bad mommy and haven't been keeping record of my growing girl, so here are some quick 18 mo stats:

Words:

Mama

Dada

"i-eet" (light- and she points to lights)

"Hot!" (and she points to oven, fireplace, dishwasher, lights, etc :)

"Mow" (meow, in answer to cats meowing)

"Nye nye" ("Night night!")

"Uh-Oh!"

Duck

"Uck" (yuck, eew)

Bay-bee (baby- and she points to a baby)

Na-na (Banana)

Bye bye

Hi

Milestones- Her last canine tooth (bottom L.) is poking through and she has a full set of teeth other than her 2 year molars.

-She runs (hilarious), jumps, climbs onto chairs and sits on regular chairs. She hugs other kids CONSTANTLY; she is very affectionate.

-She is in an interesting phase with her mama. She has severe separation anxiety with me especially; she goes ballistic when I leave. But she also butts heads with me and battles me more than anyone else. If she grabs I pen and I take it from her, she tries to hit me and throws a tantrum. If a friend, another child, or a family member takes it; she willingly hands it over.

Am I really up for this?

I promised myself (and my husband...and my friends...and my co-workers who have to sit next to me all day...) that I wouldn't be someone who talked about their new health kicks or food allergies all the time. I also promised I wouldn't become one of those smug Portlandia-ish types (oh how I love that the rest of the world now knows what I deal with from living in PDX) food snobs who turns their nose up at the sight of a non-organic cheeseburger and fries. I have been irritated and disgusted at the fact that people with gluten and dairy intolerances seem to be on the rise.

THEN...I started to get tired of certain digestive issues I have been dealing with lately (as open as I am on here I do NOT wish to go into the details.) It all started one weekend when I was at a super-fun girls beach weekend. I ate Totinos pizza, potato chips, a little bit of wine, and other sweet goodies in all their glory. I awoke at 3am with severe nausea and ended up hurling. I know what you're thinking- but I assure you it was not the wine, as I only had a total of 2 glasses all night. I was sick for the next day or so. A "junk food hangover" as I have started calling it. SO a few junk food hangovers later, I decided that (duh) I should stop eating junk and eat healthier in order to feel better.

Thankfully, I am incredibly blessed to have a father-in-law who is a chiropractor who specializes in naturopathic medicine. I suspected a dairy intolerance, so he drew 3 vials of my blood a couple weeks ago and sent it to a laboratory to test for food and environmental intolerances. The results...were shocking to say the least.

I had a severe intolerance to chicken, potato, garlic, lime, soy, oats, wheat, cranberry and many, many others. GARLIC?!?! Kill me now.

I don't need to list all the other severe, moderate, and mild intolerances; but needless to say it is laughable that I have been downing the tofu and soy milk since I thought I had a dairy problem. Dairy was at the bottom of my list. Folks; there's a solid lesson of why NOT to try to diagnose yourself by books or the internet.

The moral of the story is that starting Monday, I am committing to a 6-12 week regimen of food elimination and systematic re-introduction to find out which of the foods on my "bad" list really cause me symptoms. So why I am doing this? To feel better and not have bowel issues (ugh...I hate talking about my bowels).

But why am I REALLY doing this? Honestly; because of cancer. I've been working in oncology for almost 5 years now and I just see too much of it to feel like I'm protected from it. I know that our immune system plays a role in avoiding and getting various malignancies or autoimmune disorders. Eating food that makes my body go into attack mode can't be good for my immune system. I cannot guarantee that I will be totally compliant, or that my life is changed forever. I, in no way, am going to become preachy and judgy of eating McDonalds; nor will I become a Portlandia-like Portland suburbian food snob. Part of me is mourning the loss of my junk food indulgences. I am just praying that I'm not really allergic to garlic :)

Not to be a cliche, but diet starts Monday!

Hopefully Excited

Ross is applying for a super awesome job that he has a really good shot at. He should know in a week or two if he gets an interview. He has a lot of connections and odds in his favor. It is an IT position with the Clackamas Co Sheriff Dept. There are so many great things about this job that I don't even want to think or talk about it, because I don't want to divulge too much in case he doesn't get it. But the biggest thing is: the pay and benefits are great, so working would be "optional" for me if he got this job.

*SCREAM*

This is the only place I can "scream" and get excited over something that is in no way guaranteed. Why?Well, I'm not saying we have had it rough, but I will say that having a husband who is the type of man who likes to work and be the breadwinner being unemployed for 2+ years while this mama who wants to be a semi-SAHM has been bringing home the bacon has been...less than desirable for the both of us. We have faught. We have envied each other due to our role reversal and have even been bitter toward each other at times because of this. I have walked out the front door to my car gracefully after hugging my sweet baby girl; only to hear her screaming and crying as soon as the front door closes...and have it break my heart a little every time. The older and wiser she gets, the worse the cries are and the tighter her hugs get before I'm about to leave.

I'm not asking for sympathy. I fully understand that millions of moms around America do this every day; and probably have harder, lower paying jobs than I do. I get that. But that doesn't change the fact that I have a very strong calling to have MOM/WIFE be my #1 duty for a little while and put being an RN to the backburner for a bit. I can work as an RN for another 40 years. I only get to be a mom of babies/toddlers for another 5 years or so; so I want to catch every minute I can. I want to have more babies and soak in every minute of it; and be there for every moment. I want to work on disciplining Maddy; and help form her into a well behaved young lady. I have a really hard time with discipline now; because on days I work I just want to cuddle and laugh with her; not say 'no' constantly and discipline her as needed. I want to stop envying all the SAHM's I know, and get sad every time I can't go to a playdate or playgroup because I will be at work.

I know women who seriously rock it as the working-mom. These women are terrific planners and delegaters; and just seem to do it all with no sweat. I have tried to be this woman, and I think in God's eyes I have succeeded enough to make me wiser and more appreciative...but I definitely don't "rock it". I never have. I have done it because I had to. I am extremely excited at the possibility of not having to TRY so hard to rock it anymore. I am thrilled that I may actually get a chance to be what I have wanted to be for so long; what my heart really desires. Just thinking about it makes me giddy.

I cannot say these things out loud though. Ross has put HOURS upon hours into the job application (very intensive for a job with the Sheriff's Dept!) and he is feeling the pressure because of what is at stake. He wants so badly for me to be able to work optionally, and for him to be the breadwinner. He knows how badly I want it too, so I am not discussing my excitement with him, because I know there is a possibility that he may not get the job. But for now, I am going to just enjoy the excitement of the possibility...and maybe even fantasize a little.