seek advice, then just do what feels right

"Its psycologically damaging for babies to be left to cry!"

"You have to let babies cry it out- otherwise you will spoil them and they will manipulate you"

"Feed on demand"

"Feed on a schedule"

"Keep your baby awake all day, then they will sleep better at night"

"Babies need naps, then they will sleep better at night"

"Swings are for lazy moms. You should hold your baby all the time"

"Breast-fed babies shouldn't sleep longer than 5 hours without waking to feed"*


As a new parent, its easy to be persuaded by all the voices; and feel overwhelmed. Many well-meaning friends and relatives will quickly offer their opinion from their years of parenting wisdom, in an effort to help the new mommy. Books and parenting communities are even more opinionated and expressive. This new mommy used to take this advice, and then get extremely anxious if I didn't follow it correctly, or if it didn't work. I would think, "Oh my gosh, I have a colicky baby" and "I'm not a good mom".

I'm not getting down on the advice- I have actually received a lot of really great advice from people and books and am thankful for that. However, I have learned at everyone's experience is different, and what may have been right for one family is not necessarily right for another.

Here is what I have learned about Maddy- an extremely sweet and patient baby who was very sweet natured while Ross and I figured all this out:


*She NEEDS frequent naps during the day to be a happy baby. Very counter-intuitive, but effective

* A mixture of adequate naps and The Kiddopautomus SwaddleMe blanket (AKA cozy straight jacket for babies) was the key to her sleeping through the night (we went from 5 hours at a time to anywhere from 8-12 hours!

*At this point, there is no reason we should let her cry it out to go to sleep. As mentioned before, she sleeps through the night when held/rocked to sleep. Also, she doesn't cry very often. Sometimes it takes up to 30 minutes to soothe her to a deep sleep (last night it only took about 5 minutes), but it is worth it. I often catch her give a big smile as she drifts into her deep sleep, sometimes even accompanied with a giggle. That is definitly worth up to 30 minutes of my evening; especially if the result is a happy baby who sleeps through the night. She falls asleep with her mommy or daddy and sleeps all alone for 8-12 hours. Once she wakes up and needs us, we are there within a minute. Its a great mixture of independence and attachment.

*There are different cries. If she's just fussing, I let her fuss (unless its a hunger fuss or poopy diaper fuss). I usually figure out that its a "I just want you to hold me" fuss within a few minutes, and then will pick her up after a little bit. But I don't jump up everytime she lets out a whine.

*Sometimes, once she is soothed properly, I become too much of a distraction or stimulation. She doesn't need me to hold her 24/7- sometimes she needs to be in the swing or bouncer seat. I make a point to use the swing an average of once or less a day, but sometimes its what she needs. Hell, sometimes, its what I need!

*She latches and feeds way better than any other way with the side-lying hold. Then, football hold, THEN the most popular cradle hold.

*She seems happy sleeping in her crib at night. But once she wakes up and needs love/food (lately anywhere from 6am to 9am; usually 8am on the dot) she is in our bed with us. Mostly because I nurse her lying down and we just both fall back asleep that way! Also because I am too lazy to get up and put her back to sleep in her room. Thirdly, because I LOVE cuddling with her in the morning (I love my new freedom while she sleeps, but also miss her a little).

The most important thing I have learned lately is that Ross and I are doing a GREAT job parenting Maddy. She is so happy and knows she is loved. Our parenting style is a mixture of Dr. Sears' attachment parenting philisophy and more strict "Babywise" (Parent Directed/controlled) methods. Ask most attachment parenting proponents, and they will tell you that "Babywise" is evil.

But learning that our baby is happy and that we are doing a good job is WAY more important to learn than what Dr. Sears or some random mom on a parenting website says.

Listen to the wisdom of other moms (even though some can end up being toxic!). Then do what feels right and works for your baby, your husband, and yourself!

* I'm convinced this advice is only relevant to babies who aren't gaining weight steadily. I figured out my little girl eats 6 or more oz per feeding totalling approx. 36 oz a day which is well within the rec. range

Better Late than Never?

After following a friend's blog, I realized that I am NOT doing a good job documenting Maddy's milestones. I won't remember these things years down the road, so I am going to copy Alena's format and start documentin'!:

Age - Almost 11 weeks

Weight - oops, I don't know :) She was almost 11 lbs at her 2 month appt, and she has definitly started chunking out since then, so I'll guess 13 lbs

Height - She was 23" at said appt, but I know she is longer now. We even thought the nurse didn't measure her correctly, because she is one long baby!

Sleeping habit - 7 blissful nights in a row of sleeping 8-10 hours in a row, and in her own bedroom/crib! Usually goes to sleep between 9-10pm and wakes between 5-9am. If she stays swaddled, she sleeps longer, but she's outgrowing her current SwaddleMe. I DEFINITLY will buy a new one, since they seem to do the trick!

Eating habits - Still happily breast feeding, and we're so much better and more efficient at it these days. I now can simply slip a burp rag over my shoulder and NOT flash anyone while feeding her! Since sleeping through the night, she is consistenty taking 6 feedings in a 24 hour period. When I pump and feed, she appears to be eating 5-6 ounces per feeding.

Cutest Moment of the Week - HUGE flirty smiles. She's been smiling for a while now, but now she just charms anyone and everyone with her huge bright eyed gummy smiles. It makes me melt every time! And sometimes when she sneezes she yells, "Whaaaaaaaa!!!!-choo"

Milestones - really actually sleeping through the night w/o waking to feed 7 nights in a row. Sleeping in her own room.

Firsts - making more sounds with her little voice...and a new first for me? Getting 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep. Thats worth noting :)

Maddy's Picasa Web Album!

Maddy

Whoa, girl....Whoooaa.....

I need to just relax and stop wishing this pregnancy to end. I am at the 34 week mark and honestly could have 2 more months to go (if she came at 42 weeks!).

I am BIG. I grunt when I get up from a sitting or lying position. I have to put my feet up or they look like dinosour feet at the end of the day. And most recently...I have just discovered that I may not have full control of my bladder because my sweet daughter is squeezing the life out of it. I actually had to call my OB yesterday (my first weekend after hours call ever) because my mom and I were worried I was leaking amniotic fluid. NOPE! Just pee! Lovely. Sexy- Rowr!

My fingers look like sausages!

We were looking at some pictures from a couple years ago and I was longing for my old body. So thin and much tinier than it is now. I can't beleive I ever was unsatisfied with my body...how could I be so ungreatful??? Will I ever get it back???

Madelyn- so many wonderful friends and family have given you the most BEAUTIFUL and nice things at your baby showers. I have washed and folded them ALL for you and your nursery is all set. Your mommy and daddy (and Grandmas and Grandpa and aunties) are SO excited to hold you, and your aunties (and probably grandmas) will spoil you and probably give you whatever you desire. Doesn't that sound SOOOO nice? MUCH better than that stinky old uterus in there. Its a litttttle too early to come now, but don't you want to come earlier?? Like in 2-3 weeks?

Scratch that. I need to continue praying for patience and a healthy pregnancy. Patience mostly. Patience and wisdom; to have the ability to enjoy these last few weeks of it being just Ross and I.

Other details: Madelyn gets the hiccups just about once a day. She still likes to stretch out her little legs, as I frequently see and feel a foot on my right side. She seems to be measuring on time, and is very active.

I don't get it?

Since tonight is my "friday" (no work tomorrow) I am relaxing at home, watching my favorite show (Still Sex and the City- its the perfect DVD to put on when I'm folding laundry and sewing, which I am also doing tonight). I have taken breaks from those tasks to look at some of my favorite baby websites, which inevitably leads to me reading random blogs.

I am truly fascinated by the blogger women out there who make being a "Green Mama" such a huge part of their identity. They adorn their blogs and pages with little "badges" that proclaim: "Cloth Diaper Mama"..."Proud Green Mama"...I even saw one badge that advertised that she didn't feed her baby wheat or dairy. Okay....Some of these women also have multiple pictures of their cloth diaper collection and put lists about how many covers they have and what brand. I am not bashing these women, I guess I am writing about this because I don't quite understand it. I happily talk about these subjects with other women I know who are cloth diapering, but I can't see myself advertising it or writing about it that much. Maybe its one of those things I won't understand until the baby is here? I don't know. Part of me wants to say that perhaps there is just a little too much free time going on there. But then that would be judgemental. Would it? Well I don't WANT to sound that way...moving on...

While we have some "bumps in the road", I want to express first how blessed we are right now with we are provided for and how healthy the pregancy has been.

-I had a scare with my Gestational diabetes testing but I passed the three hour test. The whole experience, however, did reveal that I do need to watch my sugar/carb intake, which is good for Madelyn and I anyway.
-I am well into the third trimester (30 weeks) now and am doing quite well! I still love her kicks, and all of my symptoms are very normal. My blood pressure is outstandingly low.

In the end, can I really ask for more than a healthy me and baby? Well...yes. But I'll make it quick:
Ross is still on the job hunt and it is frustrating for everyone. I do feel bad for him because he hates being at home. He WANTS to be at work and to be the breadwinner. I am getting tired of being the breadwinner...and just getting plain tired. This is a challenging time for us but I am convinced that God is helping to build our character(s). As I was driving to work today I thought about how even though life hasn't always been perfect and easy, I have gotten everything I wanted and needed so far. This is a good lesson in patience and gratitude for everything we do have.

Okay, so that wasn't very quick :) But right now I am playing with a little foot that keeps sticking out on my right side. Its so cute!

Okay, I am going to go back to sewing some reusable baby wipes. Sorry, no "Cloth Baby Wipes Mama" badge or pictures to follow;)

What a smart husband!

It has been amazing to see how Ross and I have grown as individuals through nearly 5 years of marriage. Neither of us are perfect, but we have certainly accomplished a lot and have become much better people in that time span. It has taken counseling, prayer, and patience; but that has paid off 100x over.

I always used to be the patient calm one, while Ross tends to be more of a...um, firecracker? (for lack of better words). During this pregnancy, he has really grown to be a good support for his crazy hormonal wife. As I mentioned before, I have already begun "nesting". I used to be much more relaxed but I am becoming very strict on the cleanliness of the house amd obsessing about "clutter". I am convinced everything needs to be put into some kind of container, and Ross thinks I am going nuts.

This morning I wanted to make apple streudel to use up some apples before we go to Hawaii. As I started peeling and slicing the apples, I saw a big black ant run across our kitchen counter near our sink. I eventually saw about 4 more. Because of my bug anxiety I put my baking on hold and did a major cleaning of the sink, counters, dishes, etc; massacring a couple more ants on the way. I then washed up and continued with baking. I neglected to realized (after I started make it) that 1) we had no brown sugar and 2)i only had one up of flower but I needed 2. This is about when I lost it. Ross came to the rescue and gave me a big hug, saying "Come on now, lets lower that blood pressure". Then he was very thrifty; suggesting we mix white sugar with the molasses flavored syrup we had. I looked it up and it was in my cookbook's "emergency substitutions". He then put Nine Inch Nails on the sound system so I could listen to rage filled music to go along with my current mood.

I'm sure you feel very sorry for my husband now, but I promise I'm not like that all the time. I am recognising my, "psycho-ness" and trying to tame it as much as I can.

More Blessings

21 weeks pregnant: I'm enjoying every minute. Several times during the day, Madelyn (yes the spelling changed, per Ross) kicks up a storm. Sometimes when I'm at work sitting and charting, it startles me so much that I jump a little. When I am laying down at home it is instant happiness for me. Even Ross gets to feel her kick from time to time. I am so happy and feel so blessed to have a healthy little kicker. As I thought, my OB does not think my placenta will pose any danger in the pregnancy or delivery. He will probably check it again later in the pregnancy, but he felt it wasn't in the danger zone.

Ross had a phone intervew yesterday that went very well; in fact he has a second interview next Tuesday! Keep those prayers coming; we are really excited about this! And for my own selfish reasons, I am dreaming of the joys of not being responsible for financially supporting our family once our baby arrives. As for more important reasons, I think Ross is really excited about this job possibility and that it will suit him well. We will see.

Work is going well. I love my job more and more every day and am so glad to be working there. I am a little overwhelmed as I prepare for Madelyn's arrival, as well as adjusting to my already changing life. My home has become much more of a priority lately. #1) I am really sensetive to smells, so I cannot deal with any odors and am cleaning much more frequently. Reason #2) I am completing as many projects as I can to improve the appearance. I don't want our home and yard to look like trash once I am sleep deprived and unable to be as ambitious as I am now, and #3) In approximately 4 months, there will be a baby living here, and she needs "stuff". I have never even babysat before, so I have been starting from scratch.

What my body is doing: I looked down in disgust at about 10 pairs of jeans in my closet that do not even come close to fitting. This is not a vanity thing, I am NOT upset that my body is changing. It is just discouraging when you want to wear an outfit with jeans but can't because both of the 2 pairs that fit are in the laundry. I know, boo hoo. I had to buy another new bra and you would not believe what size I am even if I told you! This is one side effect I will be sad about losing. Other than those, the rest of me is pretty much the same. The nasty breakouts are getting better with my mixure of Aveeno, tea tree oil, and Frankincense oil. My love handles and belly itch all the time from my skin being stretched. My feet get swollen by the end of the day and putting my feet up is my new favorite activity. I eat watermelon like there's no tomorrow. My nails have never been so healthy! I just feel really good. Everyone says this is the golden stage of pregnancy. As long as Maddy and I stay healthy I guess I don't have too much to complain about!