seek advice, then just do what feels right

"Its psycologically damaging for babies to be left to cry!"

"You have to let babies cry it out- otherwise you will spoil them and they will manipulate you"

"Feed on demand"

"Feed on a schedule"

"Keep your baby awake all day, then they will sleep better at night"

"Babies need naps, then they will sleep better at night"

"Swings are for lazy moms. You should hold your baby all the time"

"Breast-fed babies shouldn't sleep longer than 5 hours without waking to feed"*


As a new parent, its easy to be persuaded by all the voices; and feel overwhelmed. Many well-meaning friends and relatives will quickly offer their opinion from their years of parenting wisdom, in an effort to help the new mommy. Books and parenting communities are even more opinionated and expressive. This new mommy used to take this advice, and then get extremely anxious if I didn't follow it correctly, or if it didn't work. I would think, "Oh my gosh, I have a colicky baby" and "I'm not a good mom".

I'm not getting down on the advice- I have actually received a lot of really great advice from people and books and am thankful for that. However, I have learned at everyone's experience is different, and what may have been right for one family is not necessarily right for another.

Here is what I have learned about Maddy- an extremely sweet and patient baby who was very sweet natured while Ross and I figured all this out:


*She NEEDS frequent naps during the day to be a happy baby. Very counter-intuitive, but effective

* A mixture of adequate naps and The Kiddopautomus SwaddleMe blanket (AKA cozy straight jacket for babies) was the key to her sleeping through the night (we went from 5 hours at a time to anywhere from 8-12 hours!

*At this point, there is no reason we should let her cry it out to go to sleep. As mentioned before, she sleeps through the night when held/rocked to sleep. Also, she doesn't cry very often. Sometimes it takes up to 30 minutes to soothe her to a deep sleep (last night it only took about 5 minutes), but it is worth it. I often catch her give a big smile as she drifts into her deep sleep, sometimes even accompanied with a giggle. That is definitly worth up to 30 minutes of my evening; especially if the result is a happy baby who sleeps through the night. She falls asleep with her mommy or daddy and sleeps all alone for 8-12 hours. Once she wakes up and needs us, we are there within a minute. Its a great mixture of independence and attachment.

*There are different cries. If she's just fussing, I let her fuss (unless its a hunger fuss or poopy diaper fuss). I usually figure out that its a "I just want you to hold me" fuss within a few minutes, and then will pick her up after a little bit. But I don't jump up everytime she lets out a whine.

*Sometimes, once she is soothed properly, I become too much of a distraction or stimulation. She doesn't need me to hold her 24/7- sometimes she needs to be in the swing or bouncer seat. I make a point to use the swing an average of once or less a day, but sometimes its what she needs. Hell, sometimes, its what I need!

*She latches and feeds way better than any other way with the side-lying hold. Then, football hold, THEN the most popular cradle hold.

*She seems happy sleeping in her crib at night. But once she wakes up and needs love/food (lately anywhere from 6am to 9am; usually 8am on the dot) she is in our bed with us. Mostly because I nurse her lying down and we just both fall back asleep that way! Also because I am too lazy to get up and put her back to sleep in her room. Thirdly, because I LOVE cuddling with her in the morning (I love my new freedom while she sleeps, but also miss her a little).

The most important thing I have learned lately is that Ross and I are doing a GREAT job parenting Maddy. She is so happy and knows she is loved. Our parenting style is a mixture of Dr. Sears' attachment parenting philisophy and more strict "Babywise" (Parent Directed/controlled) methods. Ask most attachment parenting proponents, and they will tell you that "Babywise" is evil.

But learning that our baby is happy and that we are doing a good job is WAY more important to learn than what Dr. Sears or some random mom on a parenting website says.

Listen to the wisdom of other moms (even though some can end up being toxic!). Then do what feels right and works for your baby, your husband, and yourself!

* I'm convinced this advice is only relevant to babies who aren't gaining weight steadily. I figured out my little girl eats 6 or more oz per feeding totalling approx. 36 oz a day which is well within the rec. range