The Breastfeeding Chronicals- Chapter One

I always knew I wanted to breastfeed my baby, if possible. Before Maddy was born, my decision to do this was pretty simple (and even a little selfish:
-It just "seemed" like the right thing to do. My mom did it and Ross's mom did it.
-Formula is expensive, and we are always looking for ways to save $
-I had heard you burn 500 calories a day breastfeeding. This pretty much sold me on it.

To be honest, I had a lot of hesitations and fears about it. I was a little icked out about having a human sucking on my boob all the time. Maybe its our culture, but it was hard for me to imagine breasts being anything other than sexual. As I have mentioned before, I was always appalled when I would see a woman breastfeeding in public. It made me uncomfortable, even though I knew I would be breastfeeding.

Fast foward to Maddy being born. The plan was that she would come out of the womb, lay on my chest, and she would naturally suck away and find nurishment and comfort in me.

Um....nope.

Don't get me wrong. Our first meeting face to face was magical. I recently watched it on video (YES, Ross filmed Madelyn's birth!) and it was amazing how her and I stared at each other forever. It really was. But when it was time for her to nurse, she didn't perform the way I thought she would. My boob was there, right there next to her mouth, but she was less than interested. I still wonder to this day if it was the small dose of IV narcotics for my labor pains.



I felt confident and held her right up to it like I had learned how to through my intense research and what I remembered from nursing school. Her tiny lips landed on my nipple, gave a few weak sucks, then she lost interest. In movies, a nursing baby is depicted as sucking on the nipple; but in actuality, the baby is supposed to take the entire areola in its mouth before sucking. This is needed to actually draw the milk out. Maddy just sucked on my nipple. This, my friends, is PAINFUL. Do not underestimate the power of a baby's suck.

The nurses were very helpful, but it just wasn't happening. I ended up staying the hospital 2 nights after birth- just to keep working on the nursing. I loved my nurses, but I really think they were a little quick to give us a "pass" on the nursing. By that, I mean that they can't discharge a nursing mother until she demonstrates correct technique and successful breastfeeding. So they would watch me, and if Maddy had a few successful sucks, they would say, "Great- there you go!" and then run off to chart that I was ready to go home.


The night we brought Maddy home from the hospital will forever go down in history, in the Lumsden household, as one of the worst nights of our lives.

Birth Story- raw and unedited

I had worked a full day on Friday (9/18/09). All of my co-workers told me, “You are having that baby this weekend! I just know it!”. I shrugged off these comments, as I didn't want to be too excited. I had not had a single contraction yet, and I knew that first babies are usually late. I was only 38 weeks and 2 days, and wanted to stay realistic about the fact that I could be pregnant for another two weeks or even longer.

Saturday morning (9/19/09), Ross got up at about 8-9am. I had felt like I should get up and start taking care of chores and “things to do before baby arrives”. But then a voice told me, “You know, you opportunities to have mornings like this are numbered. Once that baby comes, you won't get to sleep in! Enjoy it!”. So I did. I just went right back to sleep...until about 10:00am. I woke up feeling a deep sudden shift downward in my pelvis; almost like a pop. Intense discomfort followed that I have never experienced before, but I figured it must have been cramping. I got up to use the bathroom and felt like I peed for a lot longer than I anticipated. I wondered if it was my water breaking...but again didn't want to get too excited. I had been told that if you lay down, the fluid should run out, so I went back to bed. No fluid. But the discomfort returned about 10 minutes later, so I wrote it down to keep track. At 10:45, I was still unsure and in disbelief, but I told Ross. “This may be it”. I decided to take a shower. In our child birthing class, we were told that pre-labor and early labor can last up to 12 hours or more, so I figured I would get all cleaned up and do some chores. I had wanted to do my hair and make-up prior to the delivery. I even had waterproof makeup picked out. Call it vain, but I wanted beautiful pictures of the delivery!

While in the shower, I noticed that the pains were quickly becoming “longer, stronger, and closer together”, which was our cue to call the hospital, and when I knew this was really it. I actually was in disbeleif that I was in active labor this quickly, and was a little concerned that something was wrong. It was about 11:15am. I had Ross call Labor and Delivery, and then Dr. Tan. I bumbled through the closet and put clothes on but the pain was getting so intense that I could hardly do anything! Ross wanted to take a shower and pack more things, and I confidently told him, “No, we need to go NOW”. With wet hair and absolutely no makeup, we scramled out the front door to Providence Milwaukie Hospital, which thankfully is only 10 minutes away.

We arrived at the hospital around 11:45am, I think. I had already completed pre-registration very early in my pregnancy, but as Murphy's Law would have it, the admissions person was having trouble admitting me and pulling up my file. I was contracting and we were beginning to panic in the waiting room. I leaned over one of the chairs in the waiting room as a strong contraction came. I heard the admissions lady say on the phone, “Okay, you know what?! Someone just needs to come get her and take her up, she is contracting and needs to go NOW”. The brought me up in a wheelchair as I tried to keep my composure. I can't tell you how close together contractions were; it was all too chaotic. All I know is I barely had enough time to breath and rest from the painfully intense contractions before the next one came on.

We got to my room shortly after (around noon). I put my gown on in the bathroom, and there was fluid EV-ERY-WHERE. It felt gross. I climbed into bed and had my IV started and was hooked up to the monitor.The nurse checked my cervix. I was 7cm and 100% effaced!. Dr. Tan was on his way, and a resident was there to assist. They asked if it was okay to have the resident, and I told her that I didn't care if he delivered the baby as long as I could get her out soon! They told me it was probably too late for an epidural. I said that was fine, as I wanted to go without anyway.

When Dr. Tan arrived I was just about 10cm (I'm guessing this was about 12:45 to 1pm). The nurse had given me a small shot of IV Fentanyl, and this helped me relax more between contractions. In my loose birthing plan, I had decided to avoid narcotics, but I was in a panic over how much pain I was in. After a short discussion (between contractions) with Dr. Tan about getting a small enough dose that my baby would not need a shot of narcan (rescue drug that reverses the effects of narcotics) I went for it. I was just desparate for anything. I really had no concept of time, but they had to have been about a minute apart. I went ahead and started pushing as Dr. Tan got there, but then there was a little twist in events. Dr. Tan notified me that she has turned and was face up, and he was going to try and turn her. I had to get on all fours while he did some maneuvering while I was pushing. I remember getting angry at him, because he was manipulating during my rest time between contractions! At this point he said that it may end up taking a bit longer, so I asked for the epidural. The anesthesiologist was 30 minutes away, but they went ahead and called for him. Thankfully, he was able to get the baby to turn, and we were back on track with the pushing.

I remember hearing someone say, “Okay, the anesthesiologist is here...” and then Dr. Tan saying, “Wait, no, its too late. She's crowning”. I had already been pushing, but now it was time for the real pushes. The pushes I had been doing before felt like I had not made any progress, but now I could feel her coming. They held the mirror up for me to see, and I promptly demanded that they remove it, because it freaked me out. I was one of those women who screamed and grunted and made ALL kinds of noises. Like in the movies, only I'm sure I was a lot scarier and uglier, and I probably made the funniest looking faces. Thank the Lord for the doctors and nurses, because they encouraged me all the way through the difficult pushing. The excitement in their voices as they told me, “Good, that's perfect! Okay now push...GOOD!!” was exactly what I needed. Ross was at my side encouraging me. He kept telling me I could do it when I wanted to give up and was just amazingly loving and supportive the entire time.

Once I felt her coming, it really felt like she came out quickly. I remember seeing her and just repeating, “Oh my gosh, I can't believe this...” over and over. It was 2:09pm. They set her on my chest, and the pain was all gone. I didn't feel any pain, even as they removed the placenta and repaired my tears (I had 2nd degree tears from the quick labor, and apparently she had her hand up by her face when she came out, which was the major culprit for the tearing). I will not lie; this was the most pain I have ever experienced in my life. The contractions were way worse than the tearing and pushing the baby out. If I could go back in time, I would have skipped the Fentanyl. I didn't feel any actual pain releif; although Ross said he noticed a difference in my rest time between contractions. I also wonder if having narcs on board had anything to do with Maddy's horrid difficulty with latching to feed as a newborn. But that is a whole other story in itself.

As mentioned before, I had a loose birth plan prior to all of this. I am not sure if this helped or not. I don't think any woman's "birth plan" involves being practically naked, on all fours in front of two men and three women; none of whom I am romantically involved with. Yes, poo happened. It just does. Sorry if that's gross, and if I just gave too much info. I remember saying these words: "I am SO having my nurse give me an enema before delivering my baby. I am NOT pooping on the delivery table". Well, just like my dream of having my hair and makeup done; this idea went out the window. Childbirth is not pretty, I have learned. But amazingly enough, I did not feel self counscious about any of those things. I am too proud and amazed at what my body has done to feel bad about it not being perfect. Hello, Reality- Nice to meet you!

Madelyn Kristine Lumsden was born on 9/19/09 and 2:09pm at 7lbs-7.5oz and 19.5 inches. I was 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant. She came out with a head full of dark brown hair and blue eyes. She is very healthy. She has her daddy's fingers and toes, and she appears to have her mommy's nose! My OB, Dr. Tan, his assisting resident Dr. Frank, and the nurses at Providence Milwaukie Hospital were beyond AMAZING and so good at what they do. Ross was incredible and supportive through the whole pregnancy, labor, and delivery...and now is an incredibly loving and involved father. I feel so incredibly blessed by the whole experience.

Balance

We had a REALLy fun day today. It started at 10:30 am with meeting our friends Kara, Jacen, and Kelley; who was visiting from Texas. We went to a resturant called Bertie Lou's, which I highly recommend. Great food and great coffee (Stumptown, the only brewed coffee that doesn't irritate my bowels. That's right, I said "bowels", and I know you want to hear all about them).

We had so much fun that we went shopping-well, a quick trip to Costco and they sat around waiting for us at Verizon while I exchanged my Android phone for a simpler LG EnV touch. The smart phone had too many bells and whistles and I couldn't justify the expensive data plan. So there you have it.

Then we went to Kara and Jacen's for fantastic macaroni and cheese from scratch (made by Kelley. Maddy had been a real sweetie all day, even though her schedule was all messed up. I tried really hard not to let this bother me. From what I understand, I guess my being so rigid about her schedule and bed time has put a damper on many a fun time for others. It once interrupted a movie that Ross and his parents were watching (I was not watching it, as I was distracted by caring for Maddy and have ADD when it comes to movies that aren't chick flicks). I didn't even flip when she went down for a nap at 6pm- VERY late for a nap, considering she is usually in bed by 7:30.

As 8pm came and went and my little daughter started rubbing her eyes, I just wanted to get home. I couldn't even enjoy time with my friends anymore, because I knew Maddy was about to begin her downward spiral into extreme fussiness. Her nighttime fussiness is not enough of a distant memory for me to start messing with it. I have mastered avoiding this trauma by sticking to her schedule. Tonight, I decided to relax a little and have us stay out an hour past her bed time; which would mean she wouldn't get to sleep until 2 hours past her usual sleep time. I figured she would be fine since she had the late nap.

We left at about 8:15pm, and I felt bad for leaving. Our friends are so acommodating for Maddy, and even have a baby bassinet she can nap in (they have a baby on the way!). They even kept their dogs in another room so they wouldn't be too loud. As we drove home, I was angry at myself for us not staying out longer. We ultimately HAD to leave because I hadn't packed enough diapers, and didn't pack her PJ's or other bedtime essentials. But I felt like once again; my rigidity had put an end to a fun evening....

Then the crying started.

It started as a wimper but then quickly escalated to full out screaming. The kind where she is coughing beause she is crying so hard. It is a 30 minute drive, and we had 10 minutes left to go. My adrenaline was going and I wanted mothing more than to jump in the back seat and hold her; but obviously I was driving. I carefully kept my eyes on the road; and then suddenly the car in the lane to the left of me started drifting over toward us and almost hit us. Thankfully I hit the horn and swerved enough to miss them. As if we needed any more drama in our car at that moment. We made it home, and Maddy had stopped crying. As I took her upstairs to her room, she actually smiled at me, even though her eyes were still wet from crying. This broke my heart for some reason.

I know I may sound like I'm making a really big freaking deal out of my baby crying, but for some reason it really tore my heart up tonight. I found myself caught up in an emotional battle between my baby's demands and my adult life and freedom. Ross and I need time with our friends, and the occasional freedom to just get up and spend a day and evening out once in a while. But as a result, Madelyn may get upset over some things. Her being upset makes me upset, because I love her so stinking much. I actually shed a couple tears tonight after all of this because I love her so much. So I guess we can have some freedom but it comes with consequences. I mean, don't get me wrong, she is FINE. She really isn't the suffering soul I have made it sound like- she just got upset. Next time, I am going to plan ahead and bring her portable crib and night time gear, and hopefully we will have a better outcome. So I guess the real lesson is that we should be more prepared in the future. I'm sure she would have been fine sleeping in the other room.

I am in a funk tonight over this. Hopefully, I can reach a good balance and find some peace over this.

19 weeks

Age 19 weeks


Weight - 13 lbs 8 oz. She had another visit to her pediatrician for a rash, and is still growing fast!

Sleeping habit - back on track with 11ish hours...wakes up between 6 and 7am and eats while lying next to me, then sleeps another hour with me and/or Ross (sometimes I can carefully get up to go shower w/o waking her

Eating habits - 5-6 full nursing sessions (or bottle of my milk)

Cutest Moment of the Week - not to be unoriginal, but every moment of hers is cute :) She is making the cutest noises and squeals.

Milestones - hmm...being cuter every day?

Firsts -
1) Sat in a highchair in a restaurant. She needed my puffy coat behind her to fill in the seat, but she did so well. She just sat at the table like a sweet little lady

18 weeks- I think I've been off a week!

Age18 weeks, but last week should have been 17. whoops! I can't count...or maybe I skipped last week? I don't know...


Weight - 13 lbs at her pediatrician appt. Not as big as I thought! 50th percentile for her age. Height was 23" but the nurse totally measured wrong. Seriously...not just being an obnoxious parent. She's 24"- promise :)

Sleeping habit - hmmm....not 12 hours every night this week. Think she has been in a growth spurt, or that ridiculous "4 month wakeful period" people talk about. Still sleeps 6-8 hours at a time though, so I can't complain! 12 hours last night.

Eating habits - Hmmm, again- growth spurt! One day she nursed 8 times, which is way up from her usual 5-6. She was back to 5 today, so hopefully it was just a growth spurt and we are all regular now :) Also I have decided not to start her solids until 6 months. Who knows; she MAY be ready. She holds her head up steady and sits up assisted. But I would rather just wait, since my milk seems to keep her full (and, lets just be honest: I'M not ready for her to eat solids. My baby is growing up too fast!)

Cutest Moment of the Week - She totally charmed the pediatrician. He kept getting distracted by her while he was trying to explain stuff to us. She gave him huge flirty smiles. Watch out for this one! Also Ross's new beard tickles her when he kisses her. She closes her eyes and giggles every time he nuzzles or kisses her.

Milestones - 4 month old birthday! Possibly teething, and very alert.

Firsts - Got 2 big ones this week!
1) Rolls from back to tummy! She can now roll both ways! She did it for the first time at her 4 month pediatrician appointment on the exam table, right in front of him. She must like him :)
2) Sits up unassisted for a few seconds (in tripod position- bending over and one hand on ground, one hand on foot).

Conservative Hippy

"Green"
"Crunchy"
"Tree-Hugging"
"Jesus Freak"
"Conservative Bible Thumper"
etc, etc, etc...

I have a love/hate relationship with these labels. Because of stereotypes, you usually don't see these labels together in one family. I'm happy to say that they describe us- but hopefully without the bad stereotypes.

The other day I was in a natural baby/cloth diaper store in a very liberal SE Portland neighborhood. I visit that store when I need a quick item right away, and I needed immediate help troubleshooting a problem I have been having with our cloth diapers. I chatted away with the woman in the store for quite a while, and then sat down and nursed Maddy when she got hungry. Right in the middle of the store!

This is something I would NEVER usually do out in public, because sadly, its frowned upon. (Even when staying covered up). I even used to frown upon it.

While nursing Maddy in the Nordstrom mother's lounge adjacent to the ladies bathroom, I have gotten many dirty looks from women. Even though I was in a designated "mother's" area and totally had my boobs covered! Again, the sad thing is that I used to be weirded out by it too. How did we get this way? I understand its awkward if a woman just throws her boob out in front of everyone, but why is even just the idea of breastfeeding so creepy to people (my former self included)?

As I sat there nursing Maddy in the natural hippy store, I couldn't help but feel so comfortable and wished that there were more places like that. But then it also occurred to me that the store owner would probably not appreciate it if she knew I am a republican :) Yes, I have gotten the look of horror when people hear this fact. We have even been yelled at in a restaurant in downtown Portland from a woman who overheard us discussing politics.

Again, I ask, why is that?

For now, I will remain a secret republican to the hippies; and a secret natural breastfeeding mother in more conservative public places. I just need to learn how to be confident in my values and not care about what other people think (what a concept. I have been struggling with this since I was 12 years old).

16 weeks, and even more changes

Age - 16 weeks

Weight - finally checked on our scale and i THINK she's about 14 lbs. Her next pediatrician appt. is in about a week, so we will finally get a real weight! She is definetly getting bigger though

Sleeping habit - In her crib, 12 hours. If she doesn't sleep 12 hours she is still very sleepy in the morning. She has 1 long nap 1-2 hours (on good days) and one short nap or 3 30-45 minute naps. 7-8pm is a good bedtime for her.

Eating habits - 5 full meals and one snack a day (snack is when she only feeds off of one side before she gets bored or sleepy). I think she is going through a growth spurt and possibly eating more per meal and may only need 5 feedings a day. Still is exclusively eating breast milk despite me working part time, which is great.

Cutest Moment of the Week - We put her in her jumparoo next to me as I was doing a workout video. I did my jumping jacks in front of her and she got a big smile and started bouncing with me! Also, she tries to sit up ALL THE TIME when she is on her back. My sister just said it looks like she is doing baby pilates. She strains and lifts her head and legs off the ground.

Milestones - Is now sleeping through the night without being swaddled. Is very chatty and squealy, and much more interactive.
Firsts - almost rolls all the way over. Tummy to back is easy, an then she ALMOST rolled from her back to tummy; so close but her arm was in the way. She worked at it for a good 20 minutes and was very persistent. Hopefully next week her next milestone will be that!