Choices and the Future

Ross and I (and Madelyn) are at an interesting point in our lives. We are pretty sure that we won't be where we are 1 to 2 years from now. By where, I mean physically, emotionally, family-wise, job-wise, etc.

In fact, we don't know where we'll be in a month or so. Ross is not happy with his job at the car lot and wants to quit, but he doesn't want to quit unless he has a really good job lined up. But it is long, exhausting, and tedious for very little reward (paycheck). So we will see.

I have actually gotten to a very happy place with my job. 3 days a week is a good balance. Then, yesterday, someone approached me with a possible new opportunity. Sorry for being so vague, but I never know who reads this thing, and I don't want to be too transparent about life changing decisions like this; especially since it may never materialize into anything. It is a great opportunity, and something I have always thought I would love to do at some point in my career; like 5-10 years down the line. I never thought that 4 years into my career (3 years as a chemo nurse) I would [possibly] be given this opportunity. I have mixed feelings about it:
- I feel proud of myself for being considered
-I feel blessed to have an opportunity for something I have once dreamed of [fall on my lap.
-I feel SCARED. And unsure.

As I said before, I am very happy in my job. I love chemo infusion, and most of all I love my clinic. I have a great relationship with my coworkers, doctors, and patients. My current job works well for my family; I live close by, they pay me well, and I have full benefits for me and my family and only have to work 24 hours a week. I am working on becoming and OCN (Oncology Certified Nurse) this year, which is its own certification and title. I am just about in a place where I have never been before: an expert in my field of work.

However...

I have been wanting to get away from chemo infusion at some point; just because I don't want to limit myself as an RN to one field when I am so young. I want to be challenged and broaden my experiences and knowlege. I don't know what to do. So I have gone along and prayed, and waited for an answer to become clear. Now this opporunity has presented itself, and I feel like a deer in headlights. Even still, I don't know which way to go.

I often wonder what God is telling me. My quest for more knowlege has unfortunately reminded me about the fact that I still don't have a bachelor's degree. I feel confident in my skills and knowledge, but the sad thing is that it is more about what other people think, and the stigma attached to a associates degree. I often hear remarks made by people alluding to them thinking that having "just an associates degree" equals a lesser quality of knowledge. I don't think they realize they are talking about me, too...

Anyway, being reminded of this made me feel that I will ultimately miss out on this opportunity, because I thought you had to have your bachelor's degree for the position. As I was pondering all of this, I walked to Barnes and Noble Starbucks to find a new ceramic and stainless steel coffee mug with a handle and a lid (my beloved mug I had for 4 years separated at the base and collected mold; eeeeewwww). I passed and somehow overheard this conversation between an adult man and woman:

"I mean...associates or bachelors; in the end they all had to take and pass the same test. They are doing the exact same job"

I slowed down my step and pondered the mugs a bit longer so I could listen. I thought to myself- WOW! He must be talking about something else...that would be too weird. But as he went on, I heard him mention the words :registered nurse.

It makes me teary as I type this story to realize how amazingly and perfectly God leads our lives and speaks to us. There has been nothing but excitement, self-doubt, and fear since I got an email from my colleage a mere 24 hours ago about the opportunity. To stumble upon that conversation was a much needed boost. If I cannot be considered for the position because of my "academic title", then I know I am meant to stay right where I am; and that I am not to beat up on myself or feel like a failure. I think it would be a good goal for me to start working on completing my bachelors degree in a year; or after November when I take the OCN exam.

Okay, Maddy has been standing up WAY too long as I typed this (her new favorite thing is leaning against a storage bin, which is the perfect height for her, and playing with stacking toys). She officially has a toothy grin with two little bottom teeth. It is beyond cute.