We Have a Walker!

Madelyn is officially walking now! She has been cruising, walking while holding my hand, and taking anywhere from 3-10 steps to test out the waters before lowering herself to her knees to crawl for about 2 months now. Well, the other day she decided to use walking as her primary mode of transportation from point A to point B. Its so crazy. The last time I went grocery shopping, I held her or put her in the cart. Today, I was just picking up a couple things, so I didn't use a cart. My arms were super sore from the kick-boxing class and 50 girly push-ups I did this morning, so holding her was out of the question. My Beco was in Ross's car, so I just set her down, held her hand a little to guide her, and she just went for it! I have to get used to walking slower; because in my haste I accidentally caused her to take a rolling spill across the linoleum floor at K-mart. I felt terrible, but after a few tears she was up and smiling again in no time. Oh, and I went to K-Mart because Ross is always telling me I should support the underdog and they are closer, so I should go there. Well K-Mart didn't have a black one-sie and black tights for Maddy, so poop on you, Blue Light Special. Target still reigns as the champion as far as I'm concerned.

Oh, and WHY was I at a kick-boxing class? (Seriously- Kick boxing and K-mart? Who am I?) Because 24-hour fitness is undergoing rennovations and all but 1 cardio machine was unavailable. Since I had already packed my bags and dropped Maddy off at the kids room, there was no way I was going back. I ended up hanging out towards the back of the class with the other inept, uncoordinated women. Meanwhile. some 50 year old hot shot in the front row with frosted tips was doing extra kicks, booty shakes, and twirls. I was actually getting frustrated with her because I was trying to watch the instructor to do the moves right, and this other lady kept messing me up! Towards the end, I was tired and lacked motivation to keep up with the new moves. I just started bouncing around a bit and punching my arms when I felt it was appropriate. They were just moving so fast, and I was yawning, dripping with sweat, and so tired and over it. The class only had 5 minutes left, and I just wanted to be done so I could go wash my hair. At one point, the class instructer came over and started doing the moves right in front of me; trying to help I'm sure. I had to fight the urge to tell her that I was a lost cause, and she really was wasting her time.

After the work out, I was excited to take a shower and *gasp* blow dry and style my hair while Madelyn was in a supervised, padded play environment. A luxury I usually forego at home to wash dishes or fold the endless laundry. After my shower I got dressed and made my way over to the mirror. I was about to plug in my hair dryer, when all of a sudden I heard the overhead speaker:

'Attention 24-Hour Fitness guests; Would Amy Lumsden please come to the kids room. Amy Lumsden. Thank you".

She had a poopy diaper. I have NEVER been paged before. Madelyn is an angel in play rooms and church child care situations, and on the day I finally get to run a comb through my hair, she poops. So I went on looking like I always do (hair air dried/unstyled and minimal, half done make-up) and picked up my sweet smiling daughter. I guess motherhood has taught me to let go of my outward appearance and be thankful for a sweet girl and husband who think I'm beautiful, anyway!

Vintage Amy #2 with an Update

"Ross lost his job a f***ing week before Christmas (f**** bastards). Merry Christmas to us, right? So we don't have health insurance now, and guess what, I needed an updated tuburculosis test! (have to get them every year if you're a nurse). So rather than paying 70$ out of pocket to have a tiny bit of purified protien derivative injected just underneath my skin (which I freaking know how to do by the way), I went to freaking north portland to the county health clinic. SO I was surounded by people rudely staring at me and the stench of urine and rotten cigarrettes. Sounds mean, I know, but I hate public health/ services/ transportation. If the people weren't so rude, gross, and inappropriate, it wouldn't be so bad. I feel bad for their kids. "

-Amy Lumsden, January 12,2006

I joined 24-hour fitness so Maddy could have some pseudo day care time. Background: We looked into daycares in the area and its just too expensive! It would make sense if we were both working full time, but we're not. . Even part time day care a couple 5 hour-days a week would be $400/month which makes no sense for us! And the day care was not intended for us; but for her. Our smart and active little girl is bored in our living room. I don't blame her. I tried to find us play groups, but nothing has resulted from my efforts. We DID, however, find an awesome small group/Bible study that meets Thursday nights. I am so excited about our group, but thats only one night a week.

But I discovered I could join the athletic club for $12.50 a month. And they have child care in a big padded room for $1.50/hr. Sure beats $400+! Maddy can walk, stumble, and crawl to her heart's content and get all nice and worn out. And I am forced to work out, as a result. Maddy takes 2 1/2 - 3 hour naps on days we go there. I think we have found what you might call a win-win situation. If I don't sabotage myself, maybe I'll even get into shape! Otherwise, you may find me sneaking out the back door of 24-hour fitness to go shopping after dropping off Maddy. Just kidding. Or am I?

But seriously; I went twice this week and am going back tomorrow. Monday and Thursday I spent the time peacefully on the elliptical machine studying for my OCN exam (OCN= Onclogy Certified Nurse- a new title to go after the R.N.). I love that time, and I love the feeling of knowing I actually exercised! I have a poor track record for athletic clubs, so I truly need to work on this one so that it proves to be beneficial for my family.

*I saved approx. $130 on DIY hair dye and waxing kit. Wish me luck!

Vintage Amy #1

Okay- a new feature for those who read:
Vintage Amy! I found my old blog from 5 years ago and have really enjoyed reading it. I thought it would be fun to break out a gem or two every now and then. eventually; I hope to somehow merge all my old blogs into one. This was the time in my life when I was a newly wed and in nursing school. Life was so different back then. I was so young...so immature...so....selfish :)

"June 11, 2005
Current mood:
irritated
Current music:
the sound of silence....not the song, really...just silence
crazy babblings...I'm lonely. If I would have known Ross was going to be gone ALL night, I would have driven down to Eugene. Damn *insert Ross' friend's name here*. Ross is at his friend ****'s house, and I don't think ***** likes me. He keeps Ross there until 5am and says things like "It's too bad you already have a housemate- it would be so much fun if you lived here". Seriously...there have been times where Ross has said "I'll be home at midnight" and then I wait for him, and then at 2am he comes in and says "I couldn't get away, ***** wouldn't stop talking to me and he looked really sad when I said I had to go". Well does **** not understand that men have lives of their own outside the world of computers, and maybe even they promised their wife a romantic evening and she's sitting there all primped up and waiting? I feel like he wishes I didn't exist so that Ross could be a part of his crazy antisocial band of computer geneuses that don't talk to women. He won't talk to me if I'm around, even when I totally try to make friendly conversation. Sometimes I worry that he's going to send out a hit-man to have me whacked off so that he can have Ross all to himself. I know I might sound mean, but I'm just babbling and overeggagerating about a real issue that bugs me. He never wants Ross to go home. I totally encourage Ross to go out and be with friends, but this one just bugs me- at least all of Ross's other friends like me. Who wouldn't like me? I'm so easy to get along with! (joking...but hey its not far from true!) Grrrrr...I understand that people are shy....but come on man, get away from the computer and learn how to socialize a little. There is more to life than computer fantasy land, and I can respect it if you are passionate about computers and games...but get out of the house. I know this SOUNDS mean, but does anyone else concur? When else can I let out these angry somewhat bitchy frustrations?"

wow, what a sweetheart, aye? *rolls eyes*

I was made to understand there would be grilled cheese sandwiches here...

the title has nothing to do with this post. I am currently watching Arrest Development: Season 1 and enjoying every minute. But this post is about:

Gossip.

I used to gossip. I used to prefer talking about people who pissed me off rather than confront them about why they pissed me off. I don't know exactly when this changed; but something happened yesterday that marked my complete transition to just NOT doing that anymore.

It is easier to talk about people you don't like/are mad at than it is to actually talk TO them. When you compain about another person; you can say whatEVER you want, and there usually won't be anyone to argue with you. The person being talked about cannot defend themself, so you can say ANYthing without retribution or true confrontation. Usually, a gossiper finds a willing gossip-ee, or co-gossiper; rather than someone who will call them out. This makes for an easy way to talk down someone else to feel better about yourself. Sure, just venting itself can make you feel better, but the truth is that talking about how nasty or terrible someone else is makes you feel better about yourself.

Sounds horrible, right? Well, the only reason I was able to write all of that is because it takes one to know one. I am an imperfect person, and I have spent too many years being a gossiping girl (hey, isn't that the name of a TV show?). I still "vent", and make the occasional catty comments to those I love and trust, and who I know won't judge me for making the occasional catty comment. But being a wife, mother, Christian woman, and nurse has taught me, well many things.

As a Christian girl/woman, I have always known (or should have known) that gossiping was bad, but I did it anyway. As an immature Christian, I felt that gossiping was beans compared to "real" sinning, such as adultery and murder. As I am continuing and trying to mature in my relationship with Jesus, it has finally (and way overdue) clicked that a sin is a sin. Sure; killing is more severe than gossiping, but just because one sin is less severe than another does not mean that it isn't wrong. And it is ESPECIALLY wrong if I am doing it even know i know its wrong.

The mother part? Well; I can sum that all up by saying that when you hold a little girl like Madelyn in your arms and look at her sweet innocent young face; you realize that you are her example of what a woman should be like. If that doesn't make you want to be the best you can be, I don't know what would.

Balancing being a wife and nurse (and mother) just has shown me that there simply is no time for that nonsense. It's totally true that people who gossip usually do it out of boredom and the desire for some excitement in any way, shape, or form. I still indulge in my Us Weekly from time to time, but that usually is only during my lunch break because our office subscribes to it. I'm not saying my life is "exciting", but it is busy.

So back to my transition. Earlier this year, I made peace with someone from my past whom I used to gossip about (well, it was a two-way/double offender, gossiper, she said/she said sitaution). This was part of my healing; and my way of closing up any possible wounds that may have been caused. It felt great. I also made it a point to be open with people as much as I could. If a friend, family member, or co-worker upset me, I would tell them; rather than talk to someone else about how they made me feel.

This has been working in all of my relationships except for at work. I love all the ladies in my office, but there is a fair amount of gossip that disturbs the peace. Yesterday; a lot of tension culminated to a few comments made my way that really upset me. The old Amy would have crumbled in offensive comments; shutting down in the moment only to bitch about it later to someone else. Instead, I said EXACTLY. HOW. I FELT. I immediately told the person that they were being passive agressive. And I asked her to please tell me how she felt; rather than explode inapproprately. It took her by surprise; because I think she expected me to react passive agressively as well. I was angry about it last night; and discussed it/vented with a close friend and my husband.

This morning (at work) the co-worker and I discussed the issue. Again, I expressed how I felt about the situation. She apologized, and I forgave her. Things aren't 100% healed, but at the end, we hugged. As a result; today I have not thought about it once (until tonight; which promted me to write this post).

*click* (*imaginary lightbulb*)

Do you know that in the past, this type of situation would have led me to just gossip about that person for saying something hurtful that upset me? Her comments and my anger would have blistered on my heart, and it would have taken a long time for me to get over her comments (which by the way- were cruel; I wasn't being oversensetive). But today I am not hurt by her comments anymore. I truly forgive her, and look forward to a new start next week.

I am now addicted to being honest and open! Its so liberating!

When your toddler stops breathing...

...while stuffing her face with cheese;
1) give her a few pats on the back.
2)If no response, turn her upside down, lay her tummy down on your thigh with her head pointing down and pat her back between the shoulder blades- HARD.
3)When she begins to cough or breathe, take your index finger and perform a "sweep" with your finger bent like a hook.
4)Remove object, if it didn't pop out before. Examine mouth for possible lingering obstruction or object that might obstruct airway again.
5)When the child begins to cough and then cry, give her a big hug and rub her back and reassure her.
6) Now YOU breathe. You may possibly need to change your pants if you wet yourself (or worse) from that freak-out moment.
7) immediately pick up the glob of sticky cheese (she was so hungry she was stuffing it in w/o chewing, so there were 5 small pieces globbed together), before the child tries to pick it up and eat it again.

*if you cannot remove obstruction, call 9-1-1.
**I highly recommend taking a child CPR class to learn this skill. In all seriousness, it saved Madelyn's life today! Regular pats weren't cutting it.

And that was our excitement for the day!