I was made to understand there would be grilled cheese sandwiches here...

the title has nothing to do with this post. I am currently watching Arrest Development: Season 1 and enjoying every minute. But this post is about:

Gossip.

I used to gossip. I used to prefer talking about people who pissed me off rather than confront them about why they pissed me off. I don't know exactly when this changed; but something happened yesterday that marked my complete transition to just NOT doing that anymore.

It is easier to talk about people you don't like/are mad at than it is to actually talk TO them. When you compain about another person; you can say whatEVER you want, and there usually won't be anyone to argue with you. The person being talked about cannot defend themself, so you can say ANYthing without retribution or true confrontation. Usually, a gossiper finds a willing gossip-ee, or co-gossiper; rather than someone who will call them out. This makes for an easy way to talk down someone else to feel better about yourself. Sure, just venting itself can make you feel better, but the truth is that talking about how nasty or terrible someone else is makes you feel better about yourself.

Sounds horrible, right? Well, the only reason I was able to write all of that is because it takes one to know one. I am an imperfect person, and I have spent too many years being a gossiping girl (hey, isn't that the name of a TV show?). I still "vent", and make the occasional catty comments to those I love and trust, and who I know won't judge me for making the occasional catty comment. But being a wife, mother, Christian woman, and nurse has taught me, well many things.

As a Christian girl/woman, I have always known (or should have known) that gossiping was bad, but I did it anyway. As an immature Christian, I felt that gossiping was beans compared to "real" sinning, such as adultery and murder. As I am continuing and trying to mature in my relationship with Jesus, it has finally (and way overdue) clicked that a sin is a sin. Sure; killing is more severe than gossiping, but just because one sin is less severe than another does not mean that it isn't wrong. And it is ESPECIALLY wrong if I am doing it even know i know its wrong.

The mother part? Well; I can sum that all up by saying that when you hold a little girl like Madelyn in your arms and look at her sweet innocent young face; you realize that you are her example of what a woman should be like. If that doesn't make you want to be the best you can be, I don't know what would.

Balancing being a wife and nurse (and mother) just has shown me that there simply is no time for that nonsense. It's totally true that people who gossip usually do it out of boredom and the desire for some excitement in any way, shape, or form. I still indulge in my Us Weekly from time to time, but that usually is only during my lunch break because our office subscribes to it. I'm not saying my life is "exciting", but it is busy.

So back to my transition. Earlier this year, I made peace with someone from my past whom I used to gossip about (well, it was a two-way/double offender, gossiper, she said/she said sitaution). This was part of my healing; and my way of closing up any possible wounds that may have been caused. It felt great. I also made it a point to be open with people as much as I could. If a friend, family member, or co-worker upset me, I would tell them; rather than talk to someone else about how they made me feel.

This has been working in all of my relationships except for at work. I love all the ladies in my office, but there is a fair amount of gossip that disturbs the peace. Yesterday; a lot of tension culminated to a few comments made my way that really upset me. The old Amy would have crumbled in offensive comments; shutting down in the moment only to bitch about it later to someone else. Instead, I said EXACTLY. HOW. I FELT. I immediately told the person that they were being passive agressive. And I asked her to please tell me how she felt; rather than explode inapproprately. It took her by surprise; because I think she expected me to react passive agressively as well. I was angry about it last night; and discussed it/vented with a close friend and my husband.

This morning (at work) the co-worker and I discussed the issue. Again, I expressed how I felt about the situation. She apologized, and I forgave her. Things aren't 100% healed, but at the end, we hugged. As a result; today I have not thought about it once (until tonight; which promted me to write this post).

*click* (*imaginary lightbulb*)

Do you know that in the past, this type of situation would have led me to just gossip about that person for saying something hurtful that upset me? Her comments and my anger would have blistered on my heart, and it would have taken a long time for me to get over her comments (which by the way- were cruel; I wasn't being oversensetive). But today I am not hurt by her comments anymore. I truly forgive her, and look forward to a new start next week.

I am now addicted to being honest and open! Its so liberating!