Confessions

Sometimes I feel like the least put-together person ever. I can allow myself to spiral into feeling guilty about some of these things and believing that I'm not good enough. Thankfully, I have enough faith in myself to brush off those feelings and know that I'm doing fine- just fine. The expectations I hold myself to aren't fair to me, and the people I think are so much better than me have flaws and struggles of their own that obviously I don't know about. Why don't I know about them? Because my reference point is Facebook- where everyone puts their best face forward. Where people actually post pictures that are, like, 5 years old because they don't like the way they look now (seriously- I saw someone use their high school senior photo as their profile pic.)

It is my belief that working moms (part-time or full) other than me are waking up before their kids and showering, doing hair and make-up, and putting on a cute outfit. Then they wake up their kid(s), get them ready, feed them, take them to day care, get to work on time, work, pick kids up, come home (OR actually attend sporting events or PTA meetings) make dinner, feed kids, go to bed, and do it all over again. I am in awe of these women, and have no idea how they do it.

I hit the snooze button until 7-7:15 even though Maddy wakes up at 7:30. I have to drop her off at the baby sitters by 8:15 and be at work by 8:30. I quickly shower and then walk in to greet my sweet girl (if my husband hasn't already done it). I set her on the bed and she gets to watch 1 episode of Yo Gabba Gabba while I get dressed in scrub pants or whatever still fits these days. I put on face lotion and start the make-up process (aka- masking my splotchy complexion and dark under eye circles). Maddy is so stinking cute that I get distracted and often will sing and dance with her, so I rarely actually put on any makeup before I leave the house. I get her dressed and grab her milk and some dry cereal to snack on in the car(she eats breakfast at the babysitters). I drop her off between 8:05-8:10. From 8:15-8:25 I am often going through the coffee drive through on the way to work and putting on eyeshadow, mascara, and blush while they make my order. I arrive to work 4-7 minutes late with damp hair, or dirty hair pulled back in a pony tail. I eat my breakfast at my desk while I prepare for the day. Depending on how my morning went, I may just now be throwing on some mascara and concealer at my desk and calling it good. Some mornings, I have even been known to brush my teeth in the bathroom just before I greet my first patient.

These days, after work I just come home and lay on the couch while I talk to Maddy about all the toys she brings me. We discuss animals and sounds, letters, etc. Then, if my family is lucky, I make dinner. Otherwise I call Ross and beg him to bring something home. He always does, or offers to make something.

I keep making comments like, "These days...." because I am now 12.5 weeks pregnant with baby #2. I am even more blah and less pulled together"these days" and struggle with it. I don't know where I got my vision of how I'm supposed to be, but I'm trying to figure out if that's realistic for me; or fair for me to expect. I think the reality is that being a mom is not always easy and pretty; working full time, part time, or stay at home. It is my belief that there are separate but equal struggles with all. So how do some women make it look so damn glamorous and even effortless? HOW?!?

In other news: Baby #2 is healthy so far. My nausea is FINALLY starting to fade (it was way worse this time than it was with Madelyn) and some energy is returning. Maddy kisses my belly several times a day; and says "baby" as she pats and rubs it. Not convinced she really gets what's going on, because sometimes she does this while patting my boob, or Ross's belly. We think its a boy- but that's just a hunch.