"I Hear You..."

(http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi02ZDE0ODQ4ZDViZTI3ZmQx)

What do you think when you read this? What is the tone, the message, and the intent? Working moms everywhere are pinning this, "liking", and "sharing" this on Facebook. To me; the message is, "Yeah! How can stay at home moms complain!?! They have SO much time on their hands. I do everything they do but I work." Am I fabricating this, or am I right? Okay, well I know I'm right. Because a little over a year ago I would have said the same thing. Maybe, if I was feeling particularly bitter, I would even share this photo. Even from a former working mother's prospective; its hard to look at this card as anything other than condescending. Which is why it really bums me out that women everywhere are posting this.

These days: I am eating big fat slices of humble pie in regards to ever thinking SAHM's have it easy. The truth is that I hated being a working mom and despised the fact that I had to leave my daughter while someone else cared for her during the day. I hated pumping and washing pump parts. I hated scrambling to find childcare if someone was sick and feeling the stress that my manager would be irritated if I called in sick because either myself, my daughter, or my babysitter were all sick at one point in the course of 2 weeks. I was sick with guilt when someone scratched my daughter all over her face at day care, and then screamed/sobbed hysterically when I dropped her off there the next day. (wait, she sobbed, or I sobbed? yeah, we both did). I resented the fact that I had to earn enough income to keep our health benefits and house payment. I realize that not every working mom feels this way; but I did. (praises to working moms who are way stronger and step up to the plate more gracefully than I did). And for these reasons I resented SAHM's because they had what I wanted. As I contemplated the possibility that I might have to go back to work after having my son and leave both him and my daughter, it got to the point where I almost cried every time a friend of mine discussed their plans and days staying home with their children. So YES. I would be quite bitter if I was unhappily trudging into work 3-5 days a week and some mom on Facebook posted pictures of her and her kids baking muffins, gluing glitter onto construction paper; and then complaining about the laundry never ending. Would it be her fault that I felt so bad? Absolutely not. It would be my own issues with feeling bad about my situation; so I would find a way to bring that woman down to make myself feel better. (why do we do this to each other. WHY?) Anyway, that's my guess as to how this meme was born.

Now lets dissect the other side of this E-Post card; not the warrior working mom, but that lazy, privileged whining SAHM. Here are just the facts that often aren't acknowledged:

1) Unless you have a full time house keeper and personal chef;  if you stay at home with your kids, you will be preparing, feeding, and cleaning up after 3 meals and day plus snacks. And don't snicker; day in and day out is is a LOT of work. If we happen to eat a hot dog at Costco one day, I come home and feel kind of amazed that I don't have to go through the motion of feeding a 3 y/o and 9 month old; The arguing over what she will and won't eat, Ezra throwing his food and getting it everywhere, cleaning the high chair and sweeping and mopping after every meal. Don't underestimate.
2) If your spouse is working full time or more and you stay at home; it is likely there will not be a division of the house chores. Laundry, dishes (which there will be ton of since you are cooking and eating at home), cleaning (when your kids stay home instead of going to day care, your house is only clean within a 2 minute window after cleaning it or when they are asleep), pet care, bathrooms....its all you, mama.
3) Believe it or not; kids don't play happily by themselves confined to one little corner in your house; coming out only for water and potty breaks. They need to be entertained and socialized n' sh*t. Playdates, dance lessons, children's museum, library, etc. will keep any mom away from her pampering session at home while painting her fingernails while kids play in the aforementioned corner (or whatever it is SAHM's allegedly do with all their spare time). Now the truth is; if you get a buddy involved this can be quite fun for mommy, too. But then again, one could find a lot of fun social relationships while at work, too.
4) $$$ to $. We cut out household income in half when we chose to have me stay at home and raise our babies. There are no pedicures, cocktails with the girls, extravagant date nights, and shopping sprees. This isn't every mom's situation, but I know it is many. When I worked, I got to enjoy those extra perks from time to time. The reduced dollah signs also means that mama has to be creative, frugal, and diligent in the kitchen. No more yummy pre-assembled pasta dishes from the store, no more, "I feel like Thai tonight"; no more, "I think I'll pick up a pizza on the way home from work!". (Again- not everyone's situation but I know that its that of many).
5) Take a day when one or both of the kids doesn't nap and/or is feeling particularly cranky. Now take that day and consider that there may be 5 days in a row JUST.LIKE.THAT. One particularly difficult month when Maddy was in her terrible twos, I cried almost every day as she gave up her naps all together. Being a working mom was HARD, but I never found myself in such a dark place as I was when I was freshly postpartum with a sassy young lady testing every boundary possible. (in other words- its not for the faint of heart. There was a lot of growth happening that month!).

Okay, so have I spelled it out enough? Am I overreacting? [maybe]. I find myself defending both working and stay at home moms, when we really should just support each other. Or, what if we just didn't give a crap either way? You stay at home? Great. You work? Great. Just say no to smug little eCards. Opinions are fine...but maybe we should examine why we feel that way before putting it out into the world. [like I just did ;)]