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Yesterday was Ross's last day off before starting his new job. We decided to pack up the kids and head down to the nearby mall to get coffee and finish up some Christmas shopping. As usual, any outing with kids is a big production and multiple stops to eat, clean, potty, and play turned it into a three hour excursion. The shoppers seemed crabby and the kids were becoming that as well; so we purchased what we were able to find for our loved ones (including Christmas PJ's for the kiddies) and headed on home. It was 2:57pm when I looked at my phone as Ross started up the car to head home.
We had to stop at the gas station on 82nd Drive and we heard and saw sirens heading up I-205 like crazy. "Something big must have happened, there's cops and ambulances going crazy out there..." Ross said as he got back into the car.
When we walked in the door, both of our phones were ringing and text alarming like crazy. I looked down and had 3 missed calls. Ross turned on the news as I answered the phone call from my brother in law checking in to make sure we weren't at Clackamas Town Center, as there had been a shooting and the killer had not been found yet. I stood there in shock and began to tremble. After beginning to process these facts; most importantly the fact that we were home safe and unharmed; I started making calls and texts to our immediate family and let them know we were safe. I called my friend who had sent me two texts and frantically called twice. I texted my friend who works at the mall and found out that she was safe and had left just before the shooting as well. They say the shooting happened around 3:20pm; less than 30 minutes after we left.
I have been impacted tremendously by this in two major ways; one positive and one negative:
Positive: I am so profoundly thankful to God for protecting my family and I yesterday; as well as two of my friends who happened to be there at the same time we were. There is no coincidence. We had already stayed out past the kid's nap times and we easily could have gone up to the food court to feed our cranky kids (the shooting occurred in the food court). We just decided we had been there long enough.
This incident is a great reminder and lesson for me that God is (in fact) in ultimate control! As much as I would like to think I am the one in charge of my family's safety; He is. Besides; it was my decision to go to the mall yesterday. I am admittedly a control freak and constantly worry about things like my kids getting sick or getting in a car accident if someone else is driving them. I am the ones who took my babies to a mall that was about to become a crime scene, but our Lord protected us and lead us home just in time. Wow.
Negative: Paradoxically, I am now more fearful of being in big public places. Since the attack on 9/11/01, I have been mildly afraid to be in airports, convention centers, and other large places full of people. It didn't stop me from going; but it would linger on my mind when going into those places. As of now; I am not sure when I will feel comfortable stepping into large stores or events with my children. I would go alone, but not with the babes.
This SO contradicts my first point, because I know that if I truly trusted Jesus, then I would not be afraid. I was supposed to go to the same mall on Friday to have Santa pictures taken with the kids, but I just don't know if I can. Ross, who is sometimes just annoyingly wise and faithful, said that we absolutely go. He said he would hate to see businesses and families suffer more than they already will; and that I should have faith that God is protecting our family. Not only is he right, but logically the odds of there being ANOTHER shooting there are pretty much nonexistent. We will see.
Are you going shopping in any malls soon after what happened at Clackamas Town Center yesterday?
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Bullies.
We watched The Christmas Story last night. It made me think about bullies of the past and present. When we were kids, we might think of a bully looking something like this:
source:http://thr4.pgmcdn.net/sites/default/files/imagecache/thumbnail_570x321/2012/01/zack_ward_as_scut_farkus_2012_h.jpg
As we got into our teen years, many girls would say their bully looks something like this:
As an almost thirty year old woman; This is what my bully looks like this:
I'm sure this woman is very lovely and I have no idea who she is; I just Googled "Middle Aged Woman". Source: http://blogs.ktk985.com/files/2010/05/middle-aged-woman.jpg
How funny is it that past our childhood years; bullies of women are typically women; and how they change form over the years. Its no longer the prettiest and most successful that are mean to their peers; nor is it the troubled; misguided person who has lived a rough life. In my experience; it is the typical mom-next-door.
Whether its the friend who makes subtle, sugar coated snide comments about her child being better than yours, the internet troll who makes up fake screen names and signs on to your blog to call you and your family ugly (never happened to me, but it has to my peers), or the woman at work who gossips with your co workers about her fabricated and embellished version of things that you did or said.
I have always been a timid person. Confrontation and I just don't mix very well. At ALL. When I have been bullied as an adult (see examples given above); I am often blind sided by it and don't realize the impact of that person's words until later on. Then I would stew and think about it; getting all worked up; until I would talk to a friend or my husband about it. Then I would hold on to it for way too long. If I did finally work up the effort to confront the person I felt bullied by; by that point I would be overly worked up and emotional and it would not go well.
Well, I decided to change that.
Yesterday I was in a crowded Zumba class at the gym, trying to enjoy my hour of sweat and not-care-about-the-world time. Two middle aged women (friends) were in front of me; choosing to take the front of class spot (I'm not a front row-er; tend to do second or third row.) It was clear that the woman closer to me was not keeping up well, and she kept backing up more and more and more...almost running into me several times and closing me out. I know that she saw me, and It started to get to the point where I was wondering if she was doing it intentionally. But I just kept moving and assuming the best of intent. Since it got to the point where I was on the verge of now bumping into the nice woman behind me, I saw a big open space in front of the two women and went for it. "Ah, there" I thought. Now there's room for everyone! Then I felt someone tap my shoulder. It was Mrs. Uncoordinated:
"Um, I THINK you want to be back there". [pointing to my former spot].
Without batting a lash, I looked right at her and responded, "Yes, I did want to be back there, but you kept running into me so I had no where else to go. Can we just enjoy the class?".
She didn't say a word; just walked back to her spot; leaving ample room for me this time.
Bullies of the world: 57 Amy: 1
If you are a timid one like me, I encourage you to make the choice to stand up for yourself in these situations. Sure, a dance room scuffle might seem like a ridiculously tiny thing; but it wasn't about having a spot to dance. It was about kindly and confidently demonstrating to someone that they were being silly and just cannot disrespect me like that.
It pains me that internet bullying has created a death toll that is just too high (as in, anything greater than zero is just. too. high.). Internet bullying takes things to an all new low; in that you don't even have to look the person in the eye while eating away at their self esteem and worth. When I was a little girl and someone was mean to me at school, my mom would say:
"They are probably mean to you at school because someone is being mean to them at home."- wise words from Martha Minty; my beautiful mother.
We can even apply this to adulthood as well:
-They are being mean to you because they are dissatisfied with themselves
-They are being mean to you because they want what you have (jealousy)
-They are being mean to you because someone was being very mean to them and they have to direct their anger somewhere
-They are being mean to you because they are bored and misguided.
No one who is completely blessed, happy, and grateful for their lives has any reason to display this kind of behavior. The best thing I think I can do would be to pray for those people, and treat them with kindness while still respecting myself and my friends or family (I have done this ONE time now, LOL. So this is not a preachy high horse message).
How do you deal with bullies?
As we got into our teen years, many girls would say their bully looks something like this:
As an almost thirty year old woman; This is what my bully looks like this:
I'm sure this woman is very lovely and I have no idea who she is; I just Googled "Middle Aged Woman". Source: http://blogs.ktk985.com/files/2010/05/middle-aged-woman.jpg
How funny is it that past our childhood years; bullies of women are typically women; and how they change form over the years. Its no longer the prettiest and most successful that are mean to their peers; nor is it the troubled; misguided person who has lived a rough life. In my experience; it is the typical mom-next-door.
Whether its the friend who makes subtle, sugar coated snide comments about her child being better than yours, the internet troll who makes up fake screen names and signs on to your blog to call you and your family ugly (never happened to me, but it has to my peers), or the woman at work who gossips with your co workers about her fabricated and embellished version of things that you did or said.
I have always been a timid person. Confrontation and I just don't mix very well. At ALL. When I have been bullied as an adult (see examples given above); I am often blind sided by it and don't realize the impact of that person's words until later on. Then I would stew and think about it; getting all worked up; until I would talk to a friend or my husband about it. Then I would hold on to it for way too long. If I did finally work up the effort to confront the person I felt bullied by; by that point I would be overly worked up and emotional and it would not go well.
Well, I decided to change that.
Yesterday I was in a crowded Zumba class at the gym, trying to enjoy my hour of sweat and not-care-about-the-world time. Two middle aged women (friends) were in front of me; choosing to take the front of class spot (I'm not a front row-er; tend to do second or third row.) It was clear that the woman closer to me was not keeping up well, and she kept backing up more and more and more...almost running into me several times and closing me out. I know that she saw me, and It started to get to the point where I was wondering if she was doing it intentionally. But I just kept moving and assuming the best of intent. Since it got to the point where I was on the verge of now bumping into the nice woman behind me, I saw a big open space in front of the two women and went for it. "Ah, there" I thought. Now there's room for everyone! Then I felt someone tap my shoulder. It was Mrs. Uncoordinated:
"Um, I THINK you want to be back there". [pointing to my former spot].
Without batting a lash, I looked right at her and responded, "Yes, I did want to be back there, but you kept running into me so I had no where else to go. Can we just enjoy the class?".
She didn't say a word; just walked back to her spot; leaving ample room for me this time.
Bullies of the world: 57 Amy: 1
If you are a timid one like me, I encourage you to make the choice to stand up for yourself in these situations. Sure, a dance room scuffle might seem like a ridiculously tiny thing; but it wasn't about having a spot to dance. It was about kindly and confidently demonstrating to someone that they were being silly and just cannot disrespect me like that.
It pains me that internet bullying has created a death toll that is just too high (as in, anything greater than zero is just. too. high.). Internet bullying takes things to an all new low; in that you don't even have to look the person in the eye while eating away at their self esteem and worth. When I was a little girl and someone was mean to me at school, my mom would say:
"They are probably mean to you at school because someone is being mean to them at home."- wise words from Martha Minty; my beautiful mother.
We can even apply this to adulthood as well:
-They are being mean to you because they are dissatisfied with themselves
-They are being mean to you because they want what you have (jealousy)
-They are being mean to you because someone was being very mean to them and they have to direct their anger somewhere
-They are being mean to you because they are bored and misguided.
No one who is completely blessed, happy, and grateful for their lives has any reason to display this kind of behavior. The best thing I think I can do would be to pray for those people, and treat them with kindness while still respecting myself and my friends or family (I have done this ONE time now, LOL. So this is not a preachy high horse message).
How do you deal with bullies?
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