Bullies.

We watched The Christmas Story last night. It made me think about bullies of the past and present. When we were kids, we might think of a bully looking something like this:

source:http://thr4.pgmcdn.net/sites/default/files/imagecache/thumbnail_570x321/2012/01/zack_ward_as_scut_farkus_2012_h.jpg

As we got into our teen years, many girls would say their bully looks something like this:

As an almost thirty year old woman; This is what my bully looks like this:

I'm sure this woman is very lovely and I have no idea who she is; I just Googled "Middle Aged Woman". Source: http://blogs.ktk985.com/files/2010/05/middle-aged-woman.jpg

How funny is it that past our childhood years; bullies of women are typically women; and how they change form over the years. Its no longer the prettiest and most successful that are mean to their peers; nor is it the troubled; misguided person who has lived a rough life. In my experience; it is the typical mom-next-door.

Whether its the friend who makes subtle, sugar coated snide comments about her child being better than yours, the internet troll who makes up fake screen names and signs on to your blog to call you and your family ugly (never happened to me, but it has to my peers), or the woman at work who gossips with your co workers about her fabricated and embellished version of things that you did or said.

I have always been a timid person. Confrontation and I just don't mix very well. At ALL. When I have been bullied as an adult (see examples given above); I am often blind sided by it and don't realize the impact of that person's words until later on. Then I would stew and think about it; getting all worked up; until I would talk to a friend or my husband about it. Then I would hold on to it for way too long. If I did finally work up the effort to confront the person I felt bullied by; by that point I would be overly worked up and emotional and it would not go well.

Well, I decided to change that.

Yesterday I was in a crowded Zumba class at the gym, trying to enjoy my hour of sweat and not-care-about-the-world time. Two middle aged women (friends) were in front of me; choosing to take the front of class spot (I'm not a front row-er; tend to do second or third row.) It was clear that the woman closer to me was not keeping up well, and she kept backing up more and more and more...almost running into me several times and closing me out. I know that she saw me, and It started to get to the point where I was wondering if she was doing it intentionally. But I just kept moving and assuming the best of intent.  Since it got to the point where I was on the verge of now bumping into the nice woman behind me, I saw a big open space in front of the two women and went for it. "Ah, there" I thought. Now there's room for everyone! Then I felt someone tap my shoulder. It was Mrs. Uncoordinated:

"Um, I THINK you want to be back there". [pointing to my former spot].

Without batting a lash, I looked right at her and responded, "Yes, I did want to be back there, but you kept running into me so I had no where else to go. Can we just enjoy the class?".

She didn't say a word; just walked back to her spot; leaving ample room for me this time.

Bullies of the world: 57 Amy: 1

If you are a timid one like me, I encourage you to make the choice to stand up for yourself in these situations. Sure, a dance room scuffle might seem like a ridiculously tiny thing; but it wasn't about having a spot to dance. It was about kindly and confidently demonstrating to  someone that they were being silly and just cannot disrespect me like that.

It pains me that internet bullying has created a death toll that is just too high (as in, anything greater than zero is just. too. high.). Internet bullying takes things to an all new low; in that you don't even have to look the person in the eye while eating away at their self esteem and worth. When I was a little girl and someone was mean to me at school, my mom would say:

"They are probably mean to you at school because someone is being mean to them at home."- wise words from Martha Minty; my beautiful mother.

We can even apply this to adulthood as well:
-They are being mean to you because they are dissatisfied with themselves
-They are being mean to you because they want what you have (jealousy)
-They are being mean to you because someone was being very mean to them and they have to direct their anger somewhere
-They are being mean to you because they are bored and misguided.

No one who is completely blessed, happy, and grateful for their lives has any reason to display this kind of behavior. The best thing I think I can do would be to pray for those people, and treat them with kindness while still respecting myself and my friends or family (I have done this ONE time now, LOL. So this is not a preachy high horse message).

How do you deal with bullies?