Quick Stats: December 9, 2011

Pregnancy and baby boy:

I had my 28 week appointment today! Baby is healthy, and for the most part, so am I.

I failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test again (just like with Maddy) but thankfully my OB is a very reasonable man and we agreed that if I took the grueling 3-hour test it would turn out similarly to the last one: sitting in a lab for >3 hours, me vomiting up the nasty drink; or keeping it down but then almost having a hypoglycemic emergency cause my body just doesn't handle large doses of sugar/carbs well. We settled on a plan of skipping that nonsense and me cutting way back on carbs/sugar and agreeing to exercise more. Done.

Weight: +20 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight. Not bad

Symptoms: ugh. Poor bladder control when sneezing, and other unpleasantness "down there". HUGE boobs. Way bigger than last time. Come to think of it, they may be responsible for at least half of the weight gain...

I'm having a lot of hip and lower back pain, but otherwise feel pretty great! I am thankful that I should be able to stay pretty active until delivery day; Lord willing everything continues to go well and without complication.

Baby Stats (approximate): Per ultrasound; baby boy Lumsden weighs about 2 lb13oz! Dr. T. said he is healthy and strong. He opened his eyes and it felt like he was looking right at me on the screen; I felt like I was on another planet; it was so unreal. I can't wait to meet and hold him. He currently is transverse; with his feet on my right side. He just LOVES kicking/dancing on my ribs, and those must be little hands/elbows that tippity tap on my bladder.

Name: Undecided; we have it narrowed down to 3 so far but have decided to meet him before deciding for sure.

Maddy

Oh, Maddy. This girl amazes me every day. I have never enjoyed being a mother more than I do now. I don't know if I just enjoy a 2 year old more, or if this parenting thing just gets better with time and experience. She does new things every day.

Words/Personality- Today she pulled out "I am a Bunny", opened it up, and started to "read it". I know she wasn't actually reading it, but she would say, "I am bunny. My name is Nicolas. I live in hollow tree"; turn the page, and then continue saying the correct words that corresponded with the pages. She is also becoming more and more attached to Ross and I; and showing and verbalizing her affection. She tells us she loves us often; and says her own prayers every night. She likes to say, "Thank you, Jesus, for mommy and daddy's jobs, cars, and baby brudder in mamma's tummy". She can now count to twenty (except for she skips 18 and says 19 twice. She used to skip 8 too!). She loves her friends and is still very social. I love watching her interact with other kids; she's really considerate and kind to them. UNLESS, she is playing with my smart phone.

With such an active mind comes a few challenges. She does not nap most days; and even if she does it isn't until 4pm and its because I make her go in her room because she's getting too emotional and dramatic. If I can make it through the day without her napping, then she typically goes down for bed okay and sleeps until 8am or so.

Potty Training? Yeah, no. Here's how most of our potty conversations go:

Me: "Momma's going potty"

Maddy: *runs into bathroom and demands* "I wanna go potty TOO!"

Me: "Great! You can use your special pink potty"

Maddy: "NO!"

Me: "Okay, how about the white one?"

Maddy: "NO! I don't WANNA go potty!"

I don't get it, but I don't want to push it yet. I am not looking forward to having 2 kids in cloth diapers, but what are you gonna do?

Oh, and as for Ross and I? We are BUSY. He is working full time and I am working 24 hrs/week. We continue to be involved in our church. We are grateful for our friends and family; we are extremely blessed in that area. We get so much love and support from them. I am so happy that Maddy has great relationships with her grandparents, aunties, and uncles.

We have made some changes recently with trying to live more simply, responsibly, and faithfully with our finances. It has been a huge positive change in our lives and I am excited about how the next few years goes as our family goes through more changes as well!

Okay....I feel like I just wrote a generic Christmas letter. How fitting; since I decided not to even try to attempt to send out Christmas cards this year (I always fail).

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

A Mother's Dillemma

Well I have some good news and bad news. First the good news:

As I typed in the Blogger website after deciding to write this post, I realized; "I blog a lot more when I am facing a challenge in my life or things aren't going the way I want them to". I am not very good at documenting my happiness; I just enjoy it, or am too busy to think about it. So since I haven't been a good blogger, then its a safe assumption that things have been going very well for us!

When I have a matter that causes unrest in my soul, it is constantly on my mind and heart. I think about it, pray about it, and talk to any loving and patient friend who will listen. I am an over-thinker, so that naturally spills over into my blog.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have struggled with being a working mom. When Ross was unemployed, I just didn't have a choice so it was what I had to do despite my wants and desires to stay at home with my baby. Now, I consider my pay and benefits for even just working part-time too much of a blessing to give up. Not to mention the rewards of my career. I am good at what I do and feel valued by the doctors I work with and my patients. It can be very satisfying.

But no amount of money and praise is as satisfying as sitting here with a cute 2 year old with her cheek on my arm. Making pancakes (or just cereal) and coffee in the morning and kissing my sweet husband before he goes to work and then being in a good mood when he comes home with dinner made feels great too. In approximately 4 months, I'll be cradling a new pile of moosh who will want my boobs and my arms as much as he can get them. And lets not forget his sweet sister. The thought of leaving a a 3 month old baby AND Maddy to go back to work (even 3 days a week) sends a panicky feeling through my body. Ross and I have been contemplating what we are going to do when that time comes; but naturally we have been putting it off. Its too hard to think about and I'm scared to choose between my (part-time) career and my family. [not saying that moms who work choose their career over their family--- this is particular to me. I am not good at doing both; I was not made that way].

I am in awe of some of my co workers who work 4-5 days a week with little ones and seem to rock it (I've reference this thought/envy in a previous blog). Seeing them makes me feel guilty and like I should just suck it up and work without complaining. But every morning I leave for work, saying goodbye to my daughter just feels painful and unnatural. Even though I completely trust my mother in law(1 day/week) and Maddy's babysitter(2 days/week) I still HATE it. At the top of my "selfish me"prayer list has been asking God for help and peace with making a decision about what to do about work once junior arrives.

2 nights ago I read a letter from our babysitter, "G" letting us know that she wouldn't be providing childcare anymore as of December 1st. I don't know if I was able to tell you about G, but I found her because my good friend "J" has been taking her daughter (and Maddy's buddy) B there for 2 years. I would normally never feel comfortable taking Maddy to a day care, but I knew how much J loved and trusted her; and when I met her I felt instantly at ease and even learned that we go to the same church. The fact that G lives up the street from us made it even better. And I don't even know if you would call it a "Day Care" because she is usually just watching Maddy and B, and Maddy LOVES it. I felt like it was the best possible situation I could have for having to use a day care/babysitter. But this option is leaving us shortly, and we have some choices to make.

Have you ever had a moment when you KNOW what you're supposed to do, without a doubt? When God (or Whomever you believe in, to be fair) speaks to you, telling you what you need to do and you can't deny it? I have only had this happen to me a handful of times; and its extremely convicting and powerful. I have probably cried 8 times in the past 24 hours; because its so overwhelming and I know I can't put this off anymore. I asked for guidance and help making a decision; and I got my answer. I tried to work around it and started searching for day care options/nannies in my area but again this just evoked fear and discomfort and reduced me to tears again. Its not right. Not for us at least.

In the mean time, Ross needs to hammer out a few details with his job. His job still isn't as stable as mine, so relying on his income would be taking a huge leap of faith. He is going to see if he can work a couple evenings a week so he can watch Maddy during the day while I work. For now, we still need my benefits for my OB visits and the baby's arrival. After that, it will be interesting to see how things work out. We have had enough road bumps that we are not too naive to realize that Ross could lose his job at any point, and this could change our plans around again. I am excited to see where our faith and reliance takes us.

* Oh yeah, by the way....ITS A BOY!!!!!! A sweet kicky dancy active little boy. I was told I have an anterior placenta so I won't feel the baby very much, but I felt him early on and some days I want him to even settle down a bit because there's too much of a party in my tummy!

Confessions

Sometimes I feel like the least put-together person ever. I can allow myself to spiral into feeling guilty about some of these things and believing that I'm not good enough. Thankfully, I have enough faith in myself to brush off those feelings and know that I'm doing fine- just fine. The expectations I hold myself to aren't fair to me, and the people I think are so much better than me have flaws and struggles of their own that obviously I don't know about. Why don't I know about them? Because my reference point is Facebook- where everyone puts their best face forward. Where people actually post pictures that are, like, 5 years old because they don't like the way they look now (seriously- I saw someone use their high school senior photo as their profile pic.)

It is my belief that working moms (part-time or full) other than me are waking up before their kids and showering, doing hair and make-up, and putting on a cute outfit. Then they wake up their kid(s), get them ready, feed them, take them to day care, get to work on time, work, pick kids up, come home (OR actually attend sporting events or PTA meetings) make dinner, feed kids, go to bed, and do it all over again. I am in awe of these women, and have no idea how they do it.

I hit the snooze button until 7-7:15 even though Maddy wakes up at 7:30. I have to drop her off at the baby sitters by 8:15 and be at work by 8:30. I quickly shower and then walk in to greet my sweet girl (if my husband hasn't already done it). I set her on the bed and she gets to watch 1 episode of Yo Gabba Gabba while I get dressed in scrub pants or whatever still fits these days. I put on face lotion and start the make-up process (aka- masking my splotchy complexion and dark under eye circles). Maddy is so stinking cute that I get distracted and often will sing and dance with her, so I rarely actually put on any makeup before I leave the house. I get her dressed and grab her milk and some dry cereal to snack on in the car(she eats breakfast at the babysitters). I drop her off between 8:05-8:10. From 8:15-8:25 I am often going through the coffee drive through on the way to work and putting on eyeshadow, mascara, and blush while they make my order. I arrive to work 4-7 minutes late with damp hair, or dirty hair pulled back in a pony tail. I eat my breakfast at my desk while I prepare for the day. Depending on how my morning went, I may just now be throwing on some mascara and concealer at my desk and calling it good. Some mornings, I have even been known to brush my teeth in the bathroom just before I greet my first patient.

These days, after work I just come home and lay on the couch while I talk to Maddy about all the toys she brings me. We discuss animals and sounds, letters, etc. Then, if my family is lucky, I make dinner. Otherwise I call Ross and beg him to bring something home. He always does, or offers to make something.

I keep making comments like, "These days...." because I am now 12.5 weeks pregnant with baby #2. I am even more blah and less pulled together"these days" and struggle with it. I don't know where I got my vision of how I'm supposed to be, but I'm trying to figure out if that's realistic for me; or fair for me to expect. I think the reality is that being a mom is not always easy and pretty; working full time, part time, or stay at home. It is my belief that there are separate but equal struggles with all. So how do some women make it look so damn glamorous and even effortless? HOW?!?

In other news: Baby #2 is healthy so far. My nausea is FINALLY starting to fade (it was way worse this time than it was with Madelyn) and some energy is returning. Maddy kisses my belly several times a day; and says "baby" as she pats and rubs it. Not convinced she really gets what's going on, because sometimes she does this while patting my boob, or Ross's belly. We think its a boy- but that's just a hunch.

Happy July 4th! 22 months for Maddy-o

I'll make this quick!

Maddy started to potty train and even pulled down her diaper and peed in her little potty once last week. Sadly, during my cheers and hurrahs, she picked up the bucket and proudly poured all that pee into the floor. No big deal, right? I was prepared for messes. What I WASN'T prepared for, was Maddy slipping and falling on the freshly mopped floor in front of the potty and then deciding that the potty was evil. NOOOOOO!!!!! Oh well. I heard that this happens; kids being kind of coy/fickle during the whole process. Hopefully she will get back on track, because I LOVE the idea of not having to wash, dry, and stuff diapers for a little while!

I cannot even tell you all of Maddy's words, because she has just become a little parrot and will repeat everything you say. Some meaningful phrases/words she has learned are:

"I sorry"

"I wuv you"

"ank-you" (Thank you)

She also counts to eleven, except for the number "8". We are getting her to say "eight" sometimes, though. She has learned many letters of the alphabet, and can usually identify them on a shirt or poster.

In other news- Ross is enjoying his new/old job and I was able to cut back down to 3 days/week a couple weeks ago. I have some changes taking place at work and will help open a new clinic in Oregon City and am excited about that. We are really happy with our set-up.

We had a very fun/full 4th of July weekend with family and friends: My mom was in town earlier in the weekend, we had a B-day brunch for my sister Pam, went to a BBQ saturday night, and then had a BBQ tonight. We had a blast lighting some kid- friendly fireworks and watching the kids delight and squeal over pop-its and snakes. Maddy kept trying to put the pop-its in her mouth, but she eventually figured out how they worked.

Today, Ross and I put Maddy in the bike trailer and rode from 92nd/Flavel to a park in Sellwood and back. I couldn't figure out why my bum hurt so bad, and then Ross admitted to me that I was using a GUYS seat. I wanted to strangle him, because I could totally see him getting the bike and thinking, "Meh, she won't notice and I don't want to buy another seat".

Okay that's it for now! We have been so busy and I'm deliriously tired so my writing has gone to poop. To those that read- good night!

Maddy's new words: 19 months

-tah-ees (stars)

-poopf (poop- and she says this any time someone uses the bathroom or if she poops in her diaper)

-moon

-moo (cow)

-muk (milk)

-appue- apple

-nana (banana)

-eyee (eyes- when you ask, where's mama's eyes? And she points to my eyes. She also points to nose but doesn't say that one yet)

-tees (teeth- points)

Yesterday when i came home from work, we had a solid ten minutes where where tightly wrapped her little arms around my neck and slathered me with kisses on my face and neck. It was pure heaven; especially since she sometimes plays coy with me when I come home.

-she is learning how time out works. I need to be better about spending time disciplining her, but I admit to slacking on it. We have had one successful time-out so far, so we really need to keep working on this.

Where I Am Now (Health/Food related)

Few things are as exciting as knowing that I get to have a surprise half-day tomorrow at work. Knowing that I get a break in my Tue-Fri maddness and get to experience just a few more moments of what life would be like if I didn't work almost-full-time...

You know me- its midnight and I'm bakin'. I have kale chips in the oven that should be in a dehydrator, but I don't have one. I have an "experiement" rice-flour bread in queue to go in next. I am sipping a vodka and grapefruit juice, because I don't have to be at work until 12:30pm and nothing is more enjoyable and therapeutic to me than cooking/baking while enjoying a cocktail (used to be a glass of wine before this crazy diet).

Crazy Diet Update:

Its going remarkably well. I have tapped my resources (IE- New Seasons and Bob's Red Mill which are very close by; and healthy living blogs) and have discovered some pretty awesome recipes and snacks. I have learned that one, in fact, can live on a more simple eating plan w/o additives. Baking and preparing food has taken up more time that I thought I didn't have; but I have learned that its worth it. Ross knows how to make me sauteed veggies, pork sausage, and quinoa (my new dinner staple) so he does that often. Otherwise; I come home from work, strap Maddy into the Beco carrier so we can have "loves time" while I cook up some other random concoction that adheres to the plan. This has been my best multi-tasking effort yet and I love it. Maddy loves watching what's going on in the kitchen, so its a slam dunk in our house.

The main point is: I'm surviving. Thriving, even. I have never physically felt better, and didn't have any intestinal issues until I had a weak point this week and ate out against my diet. We had a stressful day/week and I succumbed to my weakness of having food as an outlet/comfort. I said I would just do it once and then proceed with the diet as if it had never happened (SHHHH...do NOT tell anyone!). Well...I paid for this BIG time. Today at work, to be specific. And let me tell you; there is no bathroom suitable for digestive issues in my clinic. Its either the patient's bathroom or the bathroom adjacent to the lobby and my manager's office. Not cool. So I decided that yes, even Red Robin is just not worth it. I am back on track and almost thankful to be so.

The details: I lost 5lbs pretty darn quickly! And amazingly, my weight and appearance is not ranking #1 in this quest. I am pretty happy to have that be a pleasant side effect of being healthier and feeling better. I am less cranky and am accomplishing life's tasks a lot more efficiently lately. I have more energy, and just feel better overall. I highly recommend being tested for food intolerances and going through the process of elimination to figure out what causes harm to your body. I am still in the beginning phases and have no idea what food(s) are causing my inflammatory response, but I am so happy to experience life without it for almost 3 weeks! Its pretty amazing. I don't recommend books or fad diets; because those appeal to the masses and the common food allergens, but not the individual. A perfect example being: my body tolerates corn w/o any problems, but limes and oats may be harmful to me. If anyone is interesting in going down this road, I highly recommend seeing an allergist and having the appropriate testing done.

Okay- so was that a soap-box type statement? Because if it was, I am SO sorry. I can't stand soap-box crap. Its 1241 and my rice flour bread still has 30 minutes to go. I convinced the hubs to stay up and hang with me. Gnight!

And a REAL Update/ 18 months

The job opportunity? DENIED. I won't lie; last week was a very difficult week in the Lumsden household. Just picture Ross reading the denial email 15 minutes before I had to leave for work. Many tears were shed, hopes and dreams crashed, and that day I was actually sent home early because I was so upset. Wednesday March 16th, 2011 was a pretty low point for us.

Thursday morning was difficult too, but it all got better from there. We went to our regular Thursday night Bible study and were uplifted with prayer and support. We had a great weekend with friends, and then had a quick visit to my mom. I honestly had been feeling sorry for myself. After talking with a couple friends who are also going through difficult times, and watching footage of the recent tragedy in Japan; I was humbled and reminded that I need to be thankful for our blessings; even though I don't have exactly what I want now.

Its hard to explain our struggle; because its not like we can't pay the bills, or go out from time to time. We are both physically healthy beings, and we have a beautiful, sweet, intelligent, amazing daughter (can you tell I'm a bit proud?). We have amazingly supportive family and friends. We have a roof over our heads, and its even a nice roof by some people's standards ;)

In fact, sorting it all out like that makes me feel like we're selfish and ungrateful. And for that reason, I'm not going to talk about our struggle. You get it; you've heard it about it for the last 2 years. Last week WAS a low point, emotionally, but we are doing a lot better. Prayer and perspective works miracles. I am growing up every day, and I am thankful to gain wisdom now so that I can teach my daughter to be a smart and grateful young lady. Oh yeah, and the other kids someday when we get to it. *as a side note- I held a 1 week old baby tonight and felt completely at ease. Even when Maddy tugged at my shirt and said "bay-be? Ma ma! Ma ma!". YES I'd like another, please*.

Oh...and for those who pray for us? We actually do have yet another job prospect on the horizon. I won't talk about it, nor get my hopes up. But just please, pray for Ross and this possible opportunity.

*switching gears*

I am a bad mommy and haven't been keeping record of my growing girl, so here are some quick 18 mo stats:

Words:

Mama

Dada

"i-eet" (light- and she points to lights)

"Hot!" (and she points to oven, fireplace, dishwasher, lights, etc :)

"Mow" (meow, in answer to cats meowing)

"Nye nye" ("Night night!")

"Uh-Oh!"

Duck

"Uck" (yuck, eew)

Bay-bee (baby- and she points to a baby)

Na-na (Banana)

Bye bye

Hi

Milestones- Her last canine tooth (bottom L.) is poking through and she has a full set of teeth other than her 2 year molars.

-She runs (hilarious), jumps, climbs onto chairs and sits on regular chairs. She hugs other kids CONSTANTLY; she is very affectionate.

-She is in an interesting phase with her mama. She has severe separation anxiety with me especially; she goes ballistic when I leave. But she also butts heads with me and battles me more than anyone else. If she grabs I pen and I take it from her, she tries to hit me and throws a tantrum. If a friend, another child, or a family member takes it; she willingly hands it over.