and yyyeeep. Still obsessing.

...and for good reason. I had a teeny tiny bit of spotting, so I called my OB/GYN. I figured I should ask what the heck is up with the faint lines anyway. Basically, the Dr. told me that I should take another test in a week, but, um... congratulations. Crazy obsessing girl over here could NOT wait a week, so I took a test when I got home from work. Yep. Definitly two lines. Even a little darker this time. This is a total of 2 possibly positives and 1 definitly positive. I'm....preg...nant. I'm pregnant!

I haven't even said the words out loud yet. Us women are supposed to wait anywhere from 8-12 weeks before we start telling people (supposedly). Frankly, Ross and I are both kind of stunned. We just started "not exactly trying but not exactly preventing" a month ago. We seriously thought it would take longer than that! I feel like its not for real until I tell people, but at the same time I understand why I shouldn't tell people yet. It is so early and so much can go wrong. But the fact is that if I miscarry I will be devastated. And those closest to me will find out sooner or later. I'm thinking we'll start with our parents and see how that goes. I unfortunately will have to tell my boss as early as I feel comfortable doing so- just to make sure I never get in a sitation where I will have to mix chemo.
When studying OB in nursing school, i remember learning about fathers being ambivalent about pregnancy. Ross is definitly ambivalent. Last month when it was all fun and trying and dreaming about having kids "someday but soon", he was super sweet and said cute little things about "maybe making a baby". Since we have discovered our news, he has just been nervous and scared. He is still sweet and supportive, but he didn't fulfill my woman fantasy by sweeping me off my feet and screaming "I'm going to be a dad!!!" (yes, I had a fantasy, and he did not deliver on this one). He assures me he is happy and WANTS this, but he is SCARED. I'm scared too, but I'm more excited than I am scared. I mean, he doesn't have to be a parent until the baby comes out. I have to be one starting...now. A mother to my little unnamed poppy seed sized embryo. Awe.

Addendum: When I showed Ross the positively positive test he got teary eyed and hugged me and has been thrilled ever since. He is DYING to tell people! Now I am the terrified one. We named the baby "Pat" for now...Pat the embryo.