Feeling insightful about the new year

Ah, what a glorious day. I vow to do some house work later, but for now I am enjoying sitting on the couch in my new bright pink sweat pants, cuddling with Nigel, watching the rain out the window, and watching Season 1 of the Simpsons (Christmas gift from Ross). I am also drinking a pot of coffee, even though it makes my stomach feel sour. Coffee is something I should truly cut out of my diet. For some reason I think I have more of an emotional attachement to it, rather that actually getting any benefit from drinking it. I also would like to cut social drinking out as well. Between parties, dinners with friends, Thursday night "The Office" night, I just feel like it adds up and probably isn't good for my body. Not making a big deal out of it, I'm just saying. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a couple drinks in moderation, but I feel like I am at a point in my life where I wish to cut that out. This year we plan on trying to get pregnant. Suddenly I realize that my body may be providing life and support to our son(s) or daughter(s). It puts everything into a whole different perspective. Its a little crazy because this all means that Ross and I are witnessing ourselves changing before our eyes. We made this decision so carefully and it feels so calculated. There are times we wish we were like every other person we know who just got pregnant without planning it. We have been married for almost 5 years, and have waited for multiple reasons; We wanted to have financial stability, we wanted time to grow our own bond and relationship and love for each other, and I think we just really did not feel mature enough. As the past year came to a close, I became very aware of my biological clock...wait do I have the whole clock factor if I'm only 25? Okay a better way to put it, is I became aware of my emotional family readiness clock. I feel like Ross and I are closer and stronger than we have ever been. We both finally came to a decision that having a family is the only thing that would make our lives better. Its hard to explain, but incredibly strong! It feels so weird to say and describe all of this. Again- couldn't I have just gotten pregnant accidentally? I feel silly for thinking so deeply about this. But I figure I may as well document my feelings. It will be interesting to read years from now when I am a completely different person and a mother.

I have a lot of fears of course. What if we have trouble conceiving, or what if I can't conceive? Now that I am ready for this, I am so ready that I am to the point of near obsession. I really don't want to be THAT woman, but I am! Hopefully this will be my first and last blog entry about obsessing about starting to try to conceive.

As I said before, its very strange to witness and "plan" for your life to change dramatically. I pray for wisdom and strength during this time. It scares me to know that we have been able to plan our lives this way. I don't know whether to be completely thankful for that, or to be a little scared that God will surely throw a curveball in here somewhere. I don't mean to say that God wants to come in and mess up our lives. I just know that often times He has plans that don't always line up with ours, but for very good reason. I am actually tearing up as I write this- am I corny or what?!

So here we go, 2009! Lets see what happens this year! ;)