Conundrum

Email response from the gal who stood me up on a Craiglist meeting in which I was giving her 6 cloth diapers. She posted an ad on Craigslist asking for people to donate cloth diapers to her. We emailed back and fourth and decided on a meeting place at a Starbucks close to her home. I waited for 15 minutes before I had to leave for a doctor appointment. I left them with the kind people at Starbucks who were willing to let me leave a bag of diapers with them. I called and left her a phone message; then I emailed her and told her I left them there for her to pick up.


"I will go down there today! I hope they still has them. Sorry for not showing! I have so many things going on and no calender or or planner.I rememberd an hour to late. so so sorry. I'll let you know what happens."

To be honest I am really struggling with this. I need to remember that when I am doing a good deed, I need to not expect ANYTHING from the person who needs it. Its not for my satisfaction, but for the benefit of those who need it.

[my negative thoughts pour in] But I can't help but think that this is a very irresponsible person. If one is needy enough to ask for donations on Craigslist, then they better damn well show up to receive them. I feel as though she is such an irresponsible person, and that may be the reason she needs to ask for donations.

[Then I stop thinking that;realizing that I am not being loving as Jesus would be] And I think about how blessed I am to not be in her situation and how I NEED to reach out and love her; even though she may be irresponsible and stood me up. I do not know her pain and struggles.

Thoughts and emotional tug-of-wars like this occur in my mind all the time. I have a desire to help, but I feel like when I simply "give"; money, food, or objects; I get burned. Like when the "needy" man turned his nose up at the Thai food I offered him. Or when the man begging for bus fare ran into a mini-mart with the money I gave him to buy cigaretts.

I have no doubt that there are needy people out there, but I always seem to chose the wrong ones. Then again, maybe giving to them will set forth a necessary change in their hearts. I need to think this way so I don't be cynical about the importance of helping the needy.

No matter how difficult it may be, I can't forget how important it is for me to help others. I am too blessed on this earth to not share with those in poor life sitations. I need more stregnth and patience to do this.