Thrify Thursday: Our Story (Money, finances, and how we live)

My blog topic on Costco that I mentioned earlier will be cancelled . Partly, because I realized I didn't have that much interesting stuff to talk about with that. In a nutshell, Costco has a lot of cool stuff for a great deal, so it is far too easy to spend over $200 there. Just don't go, unless you have a specific shopping list, and you promise yourself you won't be swayed by cool steam cleaners (even though we do love ours ;) and tempted time and time again by those delicious oversized muffins; which I avoid, because they give me muffin-tops. haha. But everytime I go, they tempt me.



Instead, I am digging out this old blog I never finished and kept in private. I don't share any details like actual numbers in income, because I think that is tacky and inappropriate. But I do like to be open about our journey with finances, because it has been a touchy point in our marriage, and is for MANY MANY marriages. My blog is all about openness, sharing and relating, so here you go :)



We traded in our Subaru for a newer one a few months ago. When Ross called me from the dealership to sell me this idea (yes, my own husband pulled the sales pitch on me! I wanted to slap him silly) I told him it was frivilous and unecessary. After much convincing and the fact that it actually wasn't going to cost us much at ALL due to the fact that he gets an employee discount and would get top dollar for my 2008 Tribeca (which was in mint condition) my ears perked up. Once the numbers looked good to me, I told him we could do it based on one condition:
The car had to look identical to our old one. Same color, same body. Basically, no one should be able to tell we got a new car.

Why, you ask? Why not enjoy a NEEEEEWWW CAR! (said in Bob Barker voice) and enjoy the fruit of our labors? Why? Because I was afraid of other people judging us. (have you judged us yet? Be honest.) I didn't want people to think we were frivilous and that a 2008 car wasn't "good enough for us". Obviously, most people wouldn't understand the position we were in, the deal we got, and the reason for upgrading under those conditions. I was also afraid people would say, "Gosh, Ross and Amy always say they are trying to save money; but then they go out and buy a new car- what's up with that?". I totally understand the judging, because I have done the same thing with people. I can shamefully admit to that, and it is wrong. Working on it!


Well let me give you a little peak into our history. In the 6+ years we have been married, we have been through financial feasts and famines. From new nursing jobs with a night shift differential to Ross being laid off when I was 2 months pregnant and we had to contemplate me being on maternity leave on nothing but his unemployment income- we have seen it all.


The Feast: I had my first nursing job and was earning more than what I knew what to do with. Ross was working overtime, so we were quite a team. At least financially....Because I worked nights I spent many days alone. A woman with too much time and money leads to only one thing: unecessary trips to Target and Lowes at $50-100 a pop. This eventually caused a huge strain on our marriage and we went through a lot of difficulty because of it. Ross, intensely frugal by nature, caught on to me and couldn't trust me with money. This lead to him placing me on a strict budget for all spending aside from groceries(not disclosing the amount, but needless to say, it was like telling a raging alcoholic they can suddenly only have one beer a month). I became bitter and angry. I hated my job and I hated the hours. I never got to see my husband, so I created my own joys out of shopping, and now that was taken away from me. I felt like I was entitled to the spending, since I suffered for every dollar (if you have ever been a nurse working a night shift on a med-surg floor, you would know what I mean). It's funny that I titled this story "The Feast", because even though there were many dollar signs at this point of our lives, it was lacking in happiness.




Middle Ground: I took a significant pay-cut and took a day job. This change paired with marriage counselling (yep- we had to work hard on fixing this and I want to make sure I didn't make light of it) put us in a really good place. We continued to save our money and build a nest egg savings account, with putting a gernerous amount in monthly and living more minimally. I eventually realized I was wasting money and cut back significantly on my spending. Ross and I decided on a much more fair budget just to help me have a guideline (since I am a recovering shopaholic). Councelling made him aware that he can, in fact, be TOO frugal and he worked on that. His trust for me was renewed. We both changed our hearts about money and things were great. I switched jobs to a clinic 10 minutes from our home where I got a pay raise, so I was able to cut back my hours a little. Ross had a good job. We decided that with financial peace and marital bliss, we were ready to welcome a baby. The rest is history, and on January 19th, 2009 we discovered we were pregnant with our dear Madelyn.


Famine: On February 27th, 2009 Ross was laid off from the best job he had had since we have been together. I was in the throws of morning sickness, and we had just seen her heartbeat for the first time. As my dreams of being a stay at home mom (who just worked a day or 2 a week) began to crumble, we faced a much more difficult scenario of being able to pay the bills while I was on maternity leave. Thankfully, with my income, Ross's unemployment checks, and God's neverending protection, we made it.


Madelyn was born. I worked up until the day before she literally rushed into our lives. I had enough vacation time to get us through a month and a half with pay. I had worked JUST enough hours and saved up JUST enough paid leave hours to qualify for FMLA, so my family had health insurance during this time (praise God. Seriously, this was a miracle. If I had started working for Providence a mere 4 days later than I had, we would have had to pay approximately $2400 for COBRA health coverage.) The remainder of my leave, we just lived very minimal, which was easy, as we just stayed home a lot. We were also very blessed to have family and friends visit us. I also must include that our families were very generous with baby gifts, food, and their time. This definitely helped us get through. We never missed a house payment, or any bill payment for that matter. God always provides. Even though the numbers barely added up in our life's hectic equation; He made it work.


Ross was still unemployed and I insisted on working only 3 days a week so I could raise my daughter. I told him I would rather be poor than work full time. So, in many ways, we lived as though we had no money to spend. Amazingly, living this way occasionally gave us....money to spend! And save!



Here are some things we do to help dispell the rumor that babies are expensive (and don't forget that nice tax refund they bring.)




1)We use pre-folded cloth diapers with covers. I sewed reusable baby wipes out of recycled flannel receiving blankets. I do all the laundering and maintenence myself. People told me I was crazy and would probably resort to disposables or a diaper service when I went back to work. Nope! It was a tremendous learning curve at the beginning, but all my hard work paid off and now I love hanging diapers on the laundry line (which coincidentally saves money on power!).


2) I breastfed Maddy exclusively until she was ready for solids; and even then I made all of her baby food. By my calculations, I saved our family approximately $100-$200/month with these choices. I had to start buying formula when she was 9 months, but she doesn't drink very much these days due to eating solid food so much). I understand that not every mother has the choice of being able to do this (due to constraints beyond their control) so I am thankful that I was able to do it for as long as I did.


3)We NEVER go out to restaurants or bars. Part of this is a side effect of being with child ;) We didn't go out to bars often anyway, but this sealed the deal. Even our beloved Happy Hour has gone by the wayside. If we ever go out to eat, it is to Sweet Tomatoes with a buy one get one free coupon. Our entire family eats a healthy meal out for $17. If we want an alcoholic beverage, we serve either 3-buck Chuck or Bud Light, which we buy in bulk from Costco. We eat at home for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, except for a couple times in a month. We would rather have our wonderful friends and family over to eat, drink, chat, and play Wii; than go to a bar with a bunch a yahoos we don't know, and most likely wouldn't even like (ouch! harsh but the truth can hurt ;).


4)over 80% of Maddy's clothing are hand-me-downs or purchased off of craiglist or garage sales. The rest are gifts from her Aunties and baby showers (again, Maddy is very blessed by nice gifts from those who love her). I have only bought her a handful of new baby clothes, and even those were all on sale.

5) Groceries are mainly bought in bulk. We freeze loaves of bread, meat, fish, and even some veggies so we can manage this. Lately I buy all our produce at the local produce stand in my neighborhood, or if we are lucky, Ross's parents have a great crop of cucumbers, lettuce, berries, squash, tomatoes, onions, and much more from their garden. No spending hundreds of dollars at Whole Foods for organic veggies for us. (AGAIN, we are SO blessed by our family and I don't take this for granted!)


6) We do our best to give to our church. Its about time we gave thanks for all that has been given to us. I know this doesn't seem like a way to save money, but our faith has gotten us through everything. So in that way, it is part of the secret to our success.

I want to clarify that I in no way think my choices are better than other choices (like with Breastfeeding and cloth diapering). Heck, I keep a few disposables around for long trips and the occasional diaper rash (which doesn't happen often, but we have one now curtesy to Maddy having a massive poo during a 3 hour nap). I LOVE using the disposables; they are so trim and EASY! So I'm not a cloth diaper snob who thinks I'm better; in the end its mostly about cost :)