How to Have a Clean Fight, and Why Its Important

Its taken me....over 6 years to learn this. But it is quite effective.

When your spouse does something to really, really make you so so so angry. Do NOT act on your first impulse. Because when you are angry, your impulse (if you are a firecracker like me,) may be to make things SO.MUCH.WORSE by making bold, radical, and possibly hurtful comments that will only anger the husband more. Just shut the door and walk away. Carry on with your evening. Bathe the baby (she's still a baby, right?) and have lots of giggles and smiles. Read her stories, and rock her to sleep while humming lullabyes (since I don't actually know the words. I know LAME. On to do list: learn words to lullabyes). Kiss her forehead and lay her down. Go downstairs and breathe.

Guess what? When I did that, the husband came down and apologized for being a butt head! Then we talked about how we can both not be butt heads, came to an agreement within 5 minutes, and gave each other a hug. This was a BIG moment for me! I have this curse of always having to have the last word. I have been known to storm out of a room and slam the door; only to come stomping back and get my last twenty-five cents in, which only makes things worse. I guess I have finally grown up, a little. What caused me to face these situations a little less passionately and a little more maturely was knowing that my sweet baby girl was watching. My girl who watches us hug and kiss and giggles with delight every time we do. We look at her and say, "Mommy and daddy love each other!" and then kiss again and she just explodes with laughter and smiles. I realize that we are currently shaping her views of what a healthy marriage/relationship is supposed to be like. When she studies us and reacts to us, you can see the gears turning. Our job is not only to take care of her now, but to show her how a man and wife treat each other and love each other. The lesson I am SO blessed to have learned from my parents.

So thank you, Madelyn. You have made me want to be a better woman, and a better wife and mother.