What's in a Blog?

I've been struggling with this blog, lately. I have written in it a lot more than you can see, but I just have them saved privately, because I'm not prepared for who I might be sharing it with. let me back up a little...



Years ago (I mean like 5-6 years) I had a LifeJournal account. It was semi-private; I didn't publicly post the web link anywhere. I had 4 friends, all of whom were old friends/acquaintences from OIT. They were people who weren't involved in my inner most, intimate circle of friends, which was nice, because it allowed me to let down all barriers when writing. They all offered really great, supportive comments. Two of my best friends also followed my blog, which I was happy with, too.



In one post, I ranted about a group of people who were frustrating me at the moment. It had everything to do with disagreements about politics and ultimately the way we see the world. I belonged to a web forum with them and was always the odd man out, as the only person with a conservative view. One night I got tired of seeing my values and views critisized on an almost hourly basis, so I vented on my blog. I didn't name names. To my LiveJournal buddies, these people would be annonymous figures and no one would get hurt, right?



Wrong.



An old friend had been reading my blog without me knowing about it, and told one of the people I had ranted about. This led to an angry email, and I'm sure a lot of hurt feelings I had never intended. Boo :(



As a result I stopped being honest and saying what was on my mind. Obviously, I didnt want to hurt people or cause drama. So years later I opened this account and blogged about butt cracks with paint on them, embarassing trips to the car wash, and the happiness of a new pregnancy.



This is not me, people. Well...it is a big part of me. Goofy and Happy. But I don't just emulate the 7 dwarves; nonono. I have a darker, much more serious side, too. And I like to talk about it. I'm sorry, I just do!

I love honesty, and people who are honest. Its nice to talk about the good things, but how can we all relate and feel like regular people if we can't talk about the bad and what upsets us? I know its perfectly normal and healthy to share your dark side with only those intimately involved in your life, and maybe I overshare by blogging about mine. But I even want those who aren't close to me to know I am a real person dealing with these things; so that if they are experiencing them, they won't feel so alone. When Ross and I first got married, two of my best girl friends (who were marriage "veterans" and had both married 2 years before us) were not afraid to be candid about how sometimes, marriage SUCKS. How even though its a blessing and they love their husbands, it is one of the hardest thing they have ever done in their lives. Most people would be too prideful to say that. I, on the other hand, felt so blessed to get a small touch of reality and to know that marriage isn't all fun, happiness, and sexy times. It made me respect them both even more as wives, and was a big comfort to know that I would have someone to talk to if Ross was being an a-hole, and tell me that he's not an a-hole. Honestly and reality is so rare in this world and I appreciate it more and more every day.

...I totally rambled....

Maybe a blog isn't the best place to air out one's dirty laundry? I have a nice little ranty blog about work drama and the things that grind my gears sometimes about working in an office with a staff comprised of 15 women. It was a goodey! But then I thought- "ehhhh, what if someone from work happens to read this and is offended?" and it went in the "private" box. There are other juicies, but most recently there was a post where I opened up a little more about my discovery of my struggle with anxiety, possibly post-partum related. I put my heart and feelings into words and then when it came time to hit that "publish" button, I thought....."wait...seriously, just WHO IS READING THIS???" I put a link to my blog in my Facebook, and have been delighted at the old friends and accquaintences who have emailed me and told me that they enjoy my blog, or that my blog has helped them in some way. Seriously, I really appreciate that :) But what about those who just glance at it occasionally, or read it more often that I don't know about? What if someone would think poorly of me, or even judge me for what I write? Or even worse; what if I write something that hurts somebody's feelings. Like if I rant about someone who secretly reads this blog (annonymously, of course, but they would know I was talking about them by reading it?).

Food for thought, I say. Food for thought.

My next step is to go through my private, unpublished posts and edit some of them to make them more presentable. The main one I plan on, was a post in which I felt I needed to defend my hard work at becoming a more frugal spender when my financial integrity was called into question. The result was a very long blog about how I save money, and I have even considered producing a blog spin-off of it. Saving money and being more efficient (and dare I say it, "Green" or "Eco-friendly"? Eeew, no lets keep it as "Efficient and Economical")has actually almost become a hobby of mine, and I love to share it :)

Okay, now....time for some editing. To my 6 or 7 readers (that I know about ;) be on the lookout for new/old blogs...