A Good Talk

I always like to be honest, candid, and real on my blog. I have always appreciated other's transparency and am completely bored by reading/hearing about how "perfect" life is. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with being happy and gushing about things to be happy about. But let's face it; sometimes I am so damn real/honest that this blog has become a big wah-fest. So I am going to talk about the good things that have happened this week:

1) I had a good, honest discussion with my husband about some not-so-easy-to-discuss-topics where there was no yelling, fighting, or storming off. We stayed calm, respectful, and open. As a result, he learned a lot of new things about me, and I was able to clearly explain myself to him. It turns out that you CAN be married to someone for 6+ years and not know everything about them! I can get into the topic another time, but one thing about me is that I require a lot of patience when I need to voice my feelings/opinions. Sometimes I get stressed about confrontation and spew out the first thing that comes to mind; which can be inappropriate, offensive, and not even close to what I mean to convey. I'm kind of a nut :)

2) shorter work week!

3) Madelyn now wraps her arms around my neck when I come home from work and goes in for a kiss. She will sometimes do this when I say, "Gimme a kiss!". Toddlers are amazing!

4) MY SISTER IS ENGAGED!!!!!!!! Her boyfriend of 6+ years proposed to her on Christmas Day.

5) Today I had an amazingly emotional day at work which involved making a positive connection and praying with a patient, acting quickly to resolve a life threatening drug reaction, and discussing care with another nurse on our patient who was actively in the process of dying. While this wasn't ALL positive, it was extremely fulfilling and reminds me that my job is never boring, and that what I do counts (which dramatically softens the blow of not being able to be at home with my daughter).

6) (starts out Negative but get positive, I swear) I had to go to the dentist at the end of last week because my recently filled tooth was so sensitive I couldn't drink cold beverages or chew on that side a month after the procedure. I was convinced the dentist had screwed up my tooth, but upon further examination, it was revealed that I am a night grinder (which sounds sexy and dirty, but unfortunately means I just nash my teeth together and clench my jaw when I sleep) which has irritated the root/nerve. I cried when she told me, which was totally inappropriate, and only because I was PMSing and feeling stressed about the fact that my own stress is ruining my teeth. Are you waiting for the positive part? I recognize my stress and hormonal mood swing PMS problem and plan on working on both of these issues. Stay tuned.

And God bless you in 2011!

Ding Bat

SO...I just went through my blog and realized I did 2, yes 2, 14 month updates for Maddy that say pretty much the same thing. I guess I wanted to make sure you all remembered that Maddy wears 6-12 month shirts and 18-24 month pants! Folks, thats pretty much me these days. I am overwhelmed and just hanging on for this chaotic journey that is my life as a full time working mom.

I am having a hard time delegating a lot of my responsibilities to Ross, because I like the way I do them better. Plus, it takes SO damn long to explain to him how to do it, and a lot of the times he messes it up. I'm not complaining about him; he has had his hands full with a teething girl, redoing our floors, and working on many other home improvement tasks. Ross is kicking but on doing "man jobs" and taking care of our daughter. Martha Stewart; he is not. And I need to STOP TRYING to be her, too.

I have about 5 sewing projects cut out and started but not yet sewn, piles of laundry stacking up, cloth diapers stinking up the spare bathroom, and a dining room table that is constantly covered with all the stuff you don't want to deal with finding a good spot for. Something has got to give! I struggle with asking Ross to do certain things, because I still want to do them. I obviously need to let go of the control and a) be okay to having a sometimes messy house b) have patience with Ross's "methods" and be realistic that he won't do things the same way I would; and be okay with that. I think my goal for this month is to delegate the cloth diaper care to Ross. Its not rocket science; but definitely requires the special soap and a method to keep the cloth clean and the covers in good shape. We just had to switch to disposables for night time; because nothing could contain that girl's urine. I mean, NOTHING. Well, nothing other than strapping a pillow between her legs; which is basically what TRIPLE stuffing the diaper pocket produced. My days from nurses training taught me that its not good to stuff too much around the skin; as the skin needs to breathe somehow. The disposables are working out well; and it definitely helped to just ignore any irrational guilt I had over not using cloth for bedtime (what's up with that anyway; that guilt? Where does it come from? I still blame it on my days of visiting TheBump and too much time on message boards among women who cast stones on anyone who would dare use a BabyBjorn instead of an Ergo or let their baby cry for 5 minutes).

It feels good to vent. I had a good conversation with my mother in law about how mothers can feel so overwhelmed and spread too thin with all their responsibilities, but the deep secret some of us don't admit is that we wouldn't want it any other way. I WANT a clean kitchen, home cooked meals, and laundry cleaned, folded, and put away. I want homemade Christmas cards with a family photo enclosed sent out sometime before January, and a decorated house. I want to spend every moment possible with my husband and daughter. I also take pride in providing a home, food, and medical/dental insurance for my family and taking care of patients who tell me how much they appreciate me every day. It is all so rewarding and all very, very good. I truly am so full of joy and blessings and happiness. I just need to work out a balance so that stress doesn't rear its ugly head and cast a fog over the happiness. Cause it definitely can do that.

In true Amy fashion, I am rambling. It is 1254 and I have to be at work at 8:15am. Maddy is going through a terrible phase of teething and fevers and keeps waking up wimpering in her sleep :( I am going to try to sleep while I can!

14 Months

Stats: I think she has an appointment coming up (kids have a 15 month well check, right?) but I know our little sweet pea is growing like a weed! She is sooo tall. I had her on my lap the other day, and she was being the usual little wiggly worm she is. My sister said, in shock: "She's about half as long as you are!" And it can't be far from the truth! She wears 18-24 month pants, but can still fit into some 6-12 month tee shirts and hoodies. Long and thin- like her dad!

Teeth: She recently cut her first pre-molar or molar. I can't get in there to see which one it actually is, because she will NOT let me mess around in her mouth. Its goes hand in hand with not letting me pick her boogers. What do you get when you have a strong willed, determined little girl with big crusty boogers and her strong-willed, determined mom who hates hearing those sticky rattlers? Red face, screaming, tears, and a determined mom trying to hold the girl down while delicately using her pinky nail to get the boog. She gets over it quickly.

Food/Schedule: Whole milk bottle upon waking (will probably switch to water and just give her milk with breakfast soon) breakfast around 9. Lunch around noon. Bottle before nap at 1-2pm; which usually is 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Then dinner, and warm bottle before bed. I'm working on scaling the bottle back so she pees less during the night. Just thinking ahead to potty training ;) She loves anything with tomato sauce, but it gives her a rash on her face. She loves avocado, but when it comes to other veggies, she puts up a fight. We need to sprinkle a little salt on them and feed them to her first when she's hungry. We have had some temper tantrums over this :( I hold my ground though. She loves cheese and shakes her fists with glee when she sees it. We have a video I hope to post soon of this! She is also a meat lover; especially chicken. I cut up chicken nuggets to give to her, and she tried to fit like 4-5 pieces in her mouth at one time.

Friends: She seems to along best with kids slightly older than her. She has had some really fun play time with Lilli, the daughter of some dear friends of Ross and I. Lilly is almost 3, I think, but her and Maddy played together for about 2 hours or more and I have never seen Maddy giggle so much! They even wrestled, which made my abs hurt from laughing so much. She recently started playing with Elliott, the cute little boy down the street.

Personality: Kind strangers in stores are always charmed and amazed with Madelyn. Many girls her age would be afraid or justifiably skeptical of strangers. Madelyn will often look at a nice lady/girl admiring her, smile back, and stretch out her arms to her. The woman always looks to me for approval, and then willingly scoops up Maddy, who then talks her ear off. She is very, very social and sweet. She spends most of the day smiling. She's not a big crier- just a WHINER when she doesn't get her way (remember the part about her being head-strong?). Over all, she is very easy going.

Okay, I'm getting bored with my own writing now. I just really wanted to make sure I document more as she is changing and growing every day; so fast that it scares me. When I look at her I cannot believe that just a year ago she was a sweet little 2 month old swaddled up meatloaf who nursed for 30-45 minutes at a time and puked every time we burped her (we were remembering this this morning; how we had to change our sheets 3 times a week from all her spit up) . I don't wish she was a baby again; because she is SO fun now. But I am scared she will grow up too fast.

Maddy- I love you so much, sweet pea. You are the brightest joy in your dad's and my life. Our days have more smiles, laughs, and kisses now that you're with us. You just make life better.

What a Difference a Day Makes

Tomorrow is my last "Stay at home mom" Thursday. My day to catch up on the weeks hectic goings on, do laundry, and spend the whole day; just me and my little girl (and husband if he was home). Thursday was the little break before Friday; which was always bearable, because it was only one more day of work before I had my weekend. Friends; I had THE best of both worlds as a part time working/stay at home mom.

Due to financial reasons and the fact that my husband hates every moment of being a car salesman; I am increasing my hours and working Tuesday-Friday now. Ross will be a stay at home dad. This idea was prompted by talks with my coworker that made me feel that it would be better for our clinic to have a nurse who is there more consistently. Since I have been there the longest and I live the closest, I felt that person could be me. I love my job (most of time) so a few more hours wouldn't kill me, and it would certainly benefit my family. I ran the idea by Ross and he instantly jumped at the chance to quit his job. We did the math and discovered that by me working just one more day a week, he could quit his part time job altogether. While it doesn't thrill him to be a stay at home dad (seriously...we could handle it if he were thrown a "job" bone any time now) he prefers it over working in that 'ell 'ole (Hell hole- thats a Waiting for Guffman joke for one of my few readers ;)

Honestly; the decision for me to work an extra day came flooding in and it felt like a lightbulb went on. I made this decision on Saturday. When I returned to work on Tuesday, I stopped in my manager's office before my day started, and the request was approved so fast my head spun. This literally fell into place so quickly, I know that it was meant to be (for now). I start next week. For a decision that has felt so right, and where all the details were worked out without single hiccup, I feel so ...sad.

I always had Thursday to recharge and get plenty of Sweet-Pea time after working Tuesday and Wednesday. I always thought I would be a semi-stay at home mom who worked 2 days a week; and just got to being really happy with working 3. Even though its only one more day; 9 more hours; 3 of which Madelyn is napping; it just feels like so much more. Its not being at work, its being away from my home and daughter. This makes me really sad.

Ross is an awesome dad, but he doesn't have the same patience and multitasking skills that I have. He doesn't delight in power cleaning and cooking to Grey's Anatomy while Madelyn naps like I do. I was created to be a housewife/mommy. I was also created to be a nurse and provide for my family, appearantly.

My selfish prayer: Lord- please show my family your plan. We need more wisdom and patience to be happy with where Your plan has us right now!

*for the record I am thankful for all of our blessings; we have always been taken care of. But tonight, I am complaining.*

Maddy Update: 14 months (almost)

Stats: 18-24 month size pants, 12-24 month onesies, and can still wear her 6-12 month sweatshirts. She's a long girl! She plays with the 2 year olds in our Bible study like its no big deal, and even pushed on of them for going for her toy. I've got to keep my eye on this sassy little one.

Milestones/random facts:
-Climbs down the stairs without incident (so far).
-She is a climber, just in general. She climbs on top of her activity table to play on it. She climbs on her rocking chair with her Curious George and rocks with him
-Separation Anxiety! She was never a clingy baby, but she is a clingy toddler. It makes me feel loved, though :)
-She loves animals
-She loves to dance to music. ANY music. Even if music plays on a commercial or computer for 10 seconds, you will find her rocking out; bobbing her head and swinging her arms.
-She knows what "no" means. She has learned not to throw the food she doesn't want on the floor, but to hand it to me. She really wants to please her mom and dad, and she gets upset when we discipline her (which at this point is a firm "no" and a finger flick on the back of the hand for repeated offense). As her parent, I know that I have to be careful about her punishments. My personality has always been the people pleaser, and I have always gotten really down on myself for making any mistakes- too much. I can see that Maddy is a pleaser, and that if she does something wrong, she honestly feels bad about it. But obviously she needs some direction. This parenting requires such delicate balance!

I know there are definitely challenging times ahead, but so far this is my favorite age. I was such a clueless parent of a newborn, and it was so hard to figure her out. She is so smart and sweet now that it is easier to parent her and spend time with her. She just bursts with personality, and is so sweet with other people. She has her moments where she gets shy, but for the most part she brings a smile to anyone's face who is within a 10 foot radius of her. I never thought being a mom could ever be this rewarding!

We Have a Walker!

Madelyn is officially walking now! She has been cruising, walking while holding my hand, and taking anywhere from 3-10 steps to test out the waters before lowering herself to her knees to crawl for about 2 months now. Well, the other day she decided to use walking as her primary mode of transportation from point A to point B. Its so crazy. The last time I went grocery shopping, I held her or put her in the cart. Today, I was just picking up a couple things, so I didn't use a cart. My arms were super sore from the kick-boxing class and 50 girly push-ups I did this morning, so holding her was out of the question. My Beco was in Ross's car, so I just set her down, held her hand a little to guide her, and she just went for it! I have to get used to walking slower; because in my haste I accidentally caused her to take a rolling spill across the linoleum floor at K-mart. I felt terrible, but after a few tears she was up and smiling again in no time. Oh, and I went to K-Mart because Ross is always telling me I should support the underdog and they are closer, so I should go there. Well K-Mart didn't have a black one-sie and black tights for Maddy, so poop on you, Blue Light Special. Target still reigns as the champion as far as I'm concerned.

Oh, and WHY was I at a kick-boxing class? (Seriously- Kick boxing and K-mart? Who am I?) Because 24-hour fitness is undergoing rennovations and all but 1 cardio machine was unavailable. Since I had already packed my bags and dropped Maddy off at the kids room, there was no way I was going back. I ended up hanging out towards the back of the class with the other inept, uncoordinated women. Meanwhile. some 50 year old hot shot in the front row with frosted tips was doing extra kicks, booty shakes, and twirls. I was actually getting frustrated with her because I was trying to watch the instructor to do the moves right, and this other lady kept messing me up! Towards the end, I was tired and lacked motivation to keep up with the new moves. I just started bouncing around a bit and punching my arms when I felt it was appropriate. They were just moving so fast, and I was yawning, dripping with sweat, and so tired and over it. The class only had 5 minutes left, and I just wanted to be done so I could go wash my hair. At one point, the class instructer came over and started doing the moves right in front of me; trying to help I'm sure. I had to fight the urge to tell her that I was a lost cause, and she really was wasting her time.

After the work out, I was excited to take a shower and *gasp* blow dry and style my hair while Madelyn was in a supervised, padded play environment. A luxury I usually forego at home to wash dishes or fold the endless laundry. After my shower I got dressed and made my way over to the mirror. I was about to plug in my hair dryer, when all of a sudden I heard the overhead speaker:

'Attention 24-Hour Fitness guests; Would Amy Lumsden please come to the kids room. Amy Lumsden. Thank you".

She had a poopy diaper. I have NEVER been paged before. Madelyn is an angel in play rooms and church child care situations, and on the day I finally get to run a comb through my hair, she poops. So I went on looking like I always do (hair air dried/unstyled and minimal, half done make-up) and picked up my sweet smiling daughter. I guess motherhood has taught me to let go of my outward appearance and be thankful for a sweet girl and husband who think I'm beautiful, anyway!

Vintage Amy #2 with an Update

"Ross lost his job a f***ing week before Christmas (f**** bastards). Merry Christmas to us, right? So we don't have health insurance now, and guess what, I needed an updated tuburculosis test! (have to get them every year if you're a nurse). So rather than paying 70$ out of pocket to have a tiny bit of purified protien derivative injected just underneath my skin (which I freaking know how to do by the way), I went to freaking north portland to the county health clinic. SO I was surounded by people rudely staring at me and the stench of urine and rotten cigarrettes. Sounds mean, I know, but I hate public health/ services/ transportation. If the people weren't so rude, gross, and inappropriate, it wouldn't be so bad. I feel bad for their kids. "

-Amy Lumsden, January 12,2006

I joined 24-hour fitness so Maddy could have some pseudo day care time. Background: We looked into daycares in the area and its just too expensive! It would make sense if we were both working full time, but we're not. . Even part time day care a couple 5 hour-days a week would be $400/month which makes no sense for us! And the day care was not intended for us; but for her. Our smart and active little girl is bored in our living room. I don't blame her. I tried to find us play groups, but nothing has resulted from my efforts. We DID, however, find an awesome small group/Bible study that meets Thursday nights. I am so excited about our group, but thats only one night a week.

But I discovered I could join the athletic club for $12.50 a month. And they have child care in a big padded room for $1.50/hr. Sure beats $400+! Maddy can walk, stumble, and crawl to her heart's content and get all nice and worn out. And I am forced to work out, as a result. Maddy takes 2 1/2 - 3 hour naps on days we go there. I think we have found what you might call a win-win situation. If I don't sabotage myself, maybe I'll even get into shape! Otherwise, you may find me sneaking out the back door of 24-hour fitness to go shopping after dropping off Maddy. Just kidding. Or am I?

But seriously; I went twice this week and am going back tomorrow. Monday and Thursday I spent the time peacefully on the elliptical machine studying for my OCN exam (OCN= Onclogy Certified Nurse- a new title to go after the R.N.). I love that time, and I love the feeling of knowing I actually exercised! I have a poor track record for athletic clubs, so I truly need to work on this one so that it proves to be beneficial for my family.

*I saved approx. $130 on DIY hair dye and waxing kit. Wish me luck!

Vintage Amy #1

Okay- a new feature for those who read:
Vintage Amy! I found my old blog from 5 years ago and have really enjoyed reading it. I thought it would be fun to break out a gem or two every now and then. eventually; I hope to somehow merge all my old blogs into one. This was the time in my life when I was a newly wed and in nursing school. Life was so different back then. I was so young...so immature...so....selfish :)

"June 11, 2005
Current mood:
irritated
Current music:
the sound of silence....not the song, really...just silence
crazy babblings...I'm lonely. If I would have known Ross was going to be gone ALL night, I would have driven down to Eugene. Damn *insert Ross' friend's name here*. Ross is at his friend ****'s house, and I don't think ***** likes me. He keeps Ross there until 5am and says things like "It's too bad you already have a housemate- it would be so much fun if you lived here". Seriously...there have been times where Ross has said "I'll be home at midnight" and then I wait for him, and then at 2am he comes in and says "I couldn't get away, ***** wouldn't stop talking to me and he looked really sad when I said I had to go". Well does **** not understand that men have lives of their own outside the world of computers, and maybe even they promised their wife a romantic evening and she's sitting there all primped up and waiting? I feel like he wishes I didn't exist so that Ross could be a part of his crazy antisocial band of computer geneuses that don't talk to women. He won't talk to me if I'm around, even when I totally try to make friendly conversation. Sometimes I worry that he's going to send out a hit-man to have me whacked off so that he can have Ross all to himself. I know I might sound mean, but I'm just babbling and overeggagerating about a real issue that bugs me. He never wants Ross to go home. I totally encourage Ross to go out and be with friends, but this one just bugs me- at least all of Ross's other friends like me. Who wouldn't like me? I'm so easy to get along with! (joking...but hey its not far from true!) Grrrrr...I understand that people are shy....but come on man, get away from the computer and learn how to socialize a little. There is more to life than computer fantasy land, and I can respect it if you are passionate about computers and games...but get out of the house. I know this SOUNDS mean, but does anyone else concur? When else can I let out these angry somewhat bitchy frustrations?"

wow, what a sweetheart, aye? *rolls eyes*

I was made to understand there would be grilled cheese sandwiches here...

the title has nothing to do with this post. I am currently watching Arrest Development: Season 1 and enjoying every minute. But this post is about:

Gossip.

I used to gossip. I used to prefer talking about people who pissed me off rather than confront them about why they pissed me off. I don't know exactly when this changed; but something happened yesterday that marked my complete transition to just NOT doing that anymore.

It is easier to talk about people you don't like/are mad at than it is to actually talk TO them. When you compain about another person; you can say whatEVER you want, and there usually won't be anyone to argue with you. The person being talked about cannot defend themself, so you can say ANYthing without retribution or true confrontation. Usually, a gossiper finds a willing gossip-ee, or co-gossiper; rather than someone who will call them out. This makes for an easy way to talk down someone else to feel better about yourself. Sure, just venting itself can make you feel better, but the truth is that talking about how nasty or terrible someone else is makes you feel better about yourself.

Sounds horrible, right? Well, the only reason I was able to write all of that is because it takes one to know one. I am an imperfect person, and I have spent too many years being a gossiping girl (hey, isn't that the name of a TV show?). I still "vent", and make the occasional catty comments to those I love and trust, and who I know won't judge me for making the occasional catty comment. But being a wife, mother, Christian woman, and nurse has taught me, well many things.

As a Christian girl/woman, I have always known (or should have known) that gossiping was bad, but I did it anyway. As an immature Christian, I felt that gossiping was beans compared to "real" sinning, such as adultery and murder. As I am continuing and trying to mature in my relationship with Jesus, it has finally (and way overdue) clicked that a sin is a sin. Sure; killing is more severe than gossiping, but just because one sin is less severe than another does not mean that it isn't wrong. And it is ESPECIALLY wrong if I am doing it even know i know its wrong.

The mother part? Well; I can sum that all up by saying that when you hold a little girl like Madelyn in your arms and look at her sweet innocent young face; you realize that you are her example of what a woman should be like. If that doesn't make you want to be the best you can be, I don't know what would.

Balancing being a wife and nurse (and mother) just has shown me that there simply is no time for that nonsense. It's totally true that people who gossip usually do it out of boredom and the desire for some excitement in any way, shape, or form. I still indulge in my Us Weekly from time to time, but that usually is only during my lunch break because our office subscribes to it. I'm not saying my life is "exciting", but it is busy.

So back to my transition. Earlier this year, I made peace with someone from my past whom I used to gossip about (well, it was a two-way/double offender, gossiper, she said/she said sitaution). This was part of my healing; and my way of closing up any possible wounds that may have been caused. It felt great. I also made it a point to be open with people as much as I could. If a friend, family member, or co-worker upset me, I would tell them; rather than talk to someone else about how they made me feel.

This has been working in all of my relationships except for at work. I love all the ladies in my office, but there is a fair amount of gossip that disturbs the peace. Yesterday; a lot of tension culminated to a few comments made my way that really upset me. The old Amy would have crumbled in offensive comments; shutting down in the moment only to bitch about it later to someone else. Instead, I said EXACTLY. HOW. I FELT. I immediately told the person that they were being passive agressive. And I asked her to please tell me how she felt; rather than explode inapproprately. It took her by surprise; because I think she expected me to react passive agressively as well. I was angry about it last night; and discussed it/vented with a close friend and my husband.

This morning (at work) the co-worker and I discussed the issue. Again, I expressed how I felt about the situation. She apologized, and I forgave her. Things aren't 100% healed, but at the end, we hugged. As a result; today I have not thought about it once (until tonight; which promted me to write this post).

*click* (*imaginary lightbulb*)

Do you know that in the past, this type of situation would have led me to just gossip about that person for saying something hurtful that upset me? Her comments and my anger would have blistered on my heart, and it would have taken a long time for me to get over her comments (which by the way- were cruel; I wasn't being oversensetive). But today I am not hurt by her comments anymore. I truly forgive her, and look forward to a new start next week.

I am now addicted to being honest and open! Its so liberating!

When your toddler stops breathing...

...while stuffing her face with cheese;
1) give her a few pats on the back.
2)If no response, turn her upside down, lay her tummy down on your thigh with her head pointing down and pat her back between the shoulder blades- HARD.
3)When she begins to cough or breathe, take your index finger and perform a "sweep" with your finger bent like a hook.
4)Remove object, if it didn't pop out before. Examine mouth for possible lingering obstruction or object that might obstruct airway again.
5)When the child begins to cough and then cry, give her a big hug and rub her back and reassure her.
6) Now YOU breathe. You may possibly need to change your pants if you wet yourself (or worse) from that freak-out moment.
7) immediately pick up the glob of sticky cheese (she was so hungry she was stuffing it in w/o chewing, so there were 5 small pieces globbed together), before the child tries to pick it up and eat it again.

*if you cannot remove obstruction, call 9-1-1.
**I highly recommend taking a child CPR class to learn this skill. In all seriousness, it saved Madelyn's life today! Regular pats weren't cutting it.

And that was our excitement for the day!

R.I.P.

A bad thing happened this evening.

I was on my way to a work meeting at PPMC. I was driving along the road and saw a cat in front of me crossing the street. I slowed down, waiting for her to cross, and then kept going after she made it to the other side. Well, kitty decided to turn around and go back, I guess. I heard a thump and saw the last thing I hoped to see in my rearview mirror. I ran over the cat. I pulled over and sat there for a moment; stunned. A lady, who saw the whole thing happen, got out of her car and exclaimed that she knew the cat's owner and ran to get them. I ran to the cat and immediately became ill when I saw the damage. The cat's owner came out; a young man of about 19 or 20. He did't seem too upset, he just let out a dissapointed, "Oh no."

I started crying and apologizing and told him what happened. He grabbed a towel and cat carrier and picked up the kitty. I drove us to the nearby pet hospital. On the way there, the boy hardly seemed troubled. He made small talk with me, and also voiced a concern about how they were going to pay the vet bill.

We arrived, and they took the young man and his cat back immediately. I waited in the waiting room, trying to keep from sobbing too loud. The young man returned not much later and told me that the cat had died. He gave me a hug and told me over and over that it wasn't my fault. I cried so hard that the receptionist asked me if it was my cat, too. She didn't seem to understand why anyone other than the cat owner would be so upset. I paid the bill for the limited services and we went back to my car. As we walked out, the boy said, "Well, the good news is that I'm going to Hawaii tomorrow!". I don't think he expected my reaction; which was an outburst of more crying. I now was upset that this event may put a damper on a trip that I'm sure was highly anticipated. He just looked puzzled and said, "Nah, its all good."

Maybe he was just trying to act tough and cool. Or maybe he really wasn't that upset. I honestly don't know. I found out on the ride back that the cat was about two years old, and didn't really have a name; they just called her "Fluff cat" because of her long hair. I get the idea she was semi-feral; not that it makes this any easier.

There is a major twist to this story; by the way:

The owners of the cat (R.I.P.) are also the infamous Barking Dog Owners. The ones Ross has been secretly battling for the past two years because of their neglectling to care for their dogs and their subsequent nonstop barking from as early as 6:30am to as late as 10:00pm. I'm pretty sure the boy is the one who has the garage band that howls until mindnight almost every Friday night; and who sometimes has backyard parties that last past 1am. Here is a house full of people that I have had so much anger toward for 2 years, and now all I feel is despair, guilt, and like begging for their mercy.

I feel better knowing that I stuck with the cat all the way and did everything I could. I plan on sending a card and/or basket to their home. But I haven't figured out how to go about this. The boy didn't know about our families' disputs, so he obviously didn't have any angst towards me. It is mostly between Ross and his parents. This whole situation is so damn ironic, and one could imagine how ugly it could get. Hopefully it won't. God is in control of everything, and I can't help but wonder if this was to bring our families to some peace with each other. I asked Ross to drop the barking dog complaints, and he agreed to it.

I am pretty traumatized from the entire incident. Especially because I watched the cat die after I hit it; since I waited next to her while waiting for the owner to come. I get the feeling Ross thinks I am blowing it a wee bit out of proportion. It is frustrating to me that he doesn't understand my feelings. He has been sweet and kind, but he obviously isn't as impacted since he wasn't the one behind the wheel. Keep in mind, I was traumatized after running over a young man's skate board after it wandered into a busy street. I have always been known to take things to heart more than others. That's just me, and I'm okay with it.

Rest In Peace, Fluffy Cat :(

A Day in the Life

Woke up, fell out of bed...dragged a comb across my head...

I woke up before Maddy, but decided to sleep in. I dyed my hair last night with Clairol Perfect 10 to cover the greys. it looks great, I think. We're trying to save $, so I dye my own hair now. Since I'm just doing the BROWN thing, its not But for now, I think it looks A-OK. Good, even!

Found my way downstairs and drank a cup. Looking up, I noticed i was late...

Drinking half-decaf on work days now. It makes me less jittery at work, therefore less shakey hands when starting IV's. (Good times for everyone). Clocked in at 8:47am....as always, 2 minutes late from my start time. Thats Just Me.

...and somebody spoke and I went into a dream...

I had my ego stroked today. It was a hoppin' day at work and I embraced it. Its nice to know that I can still handle multitasking and prioritizing 8 patients plus phone triage without going nuts, and still giving each one the kind of care that produces comments like, "You've been doing this a while, haven't you? You're so good at explaining things. I feel SO much better". I really take pride in what I do. Yes, it is what pays the bills, but it is also a bigger part of me than I sometimes realize. I can't always control how well I do as a stay at home mom, because Maddy will always have her off- days. I can have my off-days at work, but those are much more rare.

The fact I got a text from Ross today saying that Maddy started walking solo (without holding on to furniture) was just the icing on the cake. I wasn't depressed that I was at work while it happened, because I spend so much time with that girl that I know I won't miss too much. She performed for me when I got home from work, and she was sooo happy to see me. She actually stretches her arms out and whines, "mama!" and shakes with excitement when she sees me walk in the door. My heart has never been this warm! Not to be cliche or mushy, but recently, being a mom has felt so much more amazing and rewarding than it ever has. Sure; her defiance and getting into everything is challenging. But she responds to me. She knows me. She loves me. She has been testing me, but ultimately has been obeying me for the most part (so far). Her personality is already so evident- strong willed, fun loving, sweet, cautious, and analytical. She is totally working the fake cry these days, to which I laugh at her. She usually stops "crying" and laughs back. This phase has been the highlight of my parenting career, so far.
*whispers* Ross has a job interview tomorrow. Pray for him. I am happy with our current job situtation right now, but that is only if I don't take his happiness into account, which isn't fair to him. He is too smart to be selling cars, and he hates doing it. He wants to be the breadwinner, and he wants to be challenged at work. More on that, later.

My Man

It is my belief, that season two of Sex and the City is the bestest, funniest season. I am watching the one with Carrie's friend with the really mean husband. I love it when he screams: "WHAT have I told you about screwing with my CD's?!?! You put NATALIE IMBRUGLIA, BACK in U2!!!!!!".

My husband, on the other hand, is pretty great. We have been super busy and sleep deprived lately, so last night he convinced me to lay down on the floor with him and fall asleep to ambient music at 9:00pm. As we lay together I couldn't stop my overactive mind from thinking, so he put his arms around me and helped me use guided imagery to calm down my thoughts. Even though thoughts about finding a good day care, what color to dye my hair (as in, reddish brown, or just brown brown?) and other irrelevant thoughts I can't even remember tried to creep in, I was eventually sound asleep by 9:45pm. It was really nice; and even nicer that Madelyn slept until 8am, so we were fully rested and ready for a good day.

I don't know if I say this enough, but I married a really amazing person. He is not perfect, and he has made mistakes, as have I. He isn't the always most thoughtful and romantic man you'll ever meet, but he is more committed to his wife and daughter than anyone I have ever seen. He has the distinct ability to hurt me more than anyone else can, but he does his very best not to, and if he does, it hurts him just as much. He ALSO can still make me blush and feel shy and giddy, even after being together for over 7 years.

***Every once in a while I have a memory from college before Ross and I got together. I remember seeing him around campus (OIT was a small campus, and it wasn't too unusual that we had some mutual friends). I remember how gorgeous and mysterious he seemed; with his piercing blue eyes, tall stature, and dark features. The few times I saw him at parties or gatherings with friends, he seemed pretty quiet and confident; playing his guitar in the corner, not seeming to care about what else was going on in the room. I remember seeing him and thinking I could never end up with a guy like THAT. I have always been such an average, not so special girl, and this guy was handsome and mysterious. Imagine how special this average girl felt when he showed an interest in ME.***

So in case you were wondering...that's how my husband still has the ability to make me giddy after all this time. Even though I know him better than anyone else does, and we definitely have our bickering, old married couple moments. But the man makes me swoon, and probably will even when we're 85.

Saturday...in the Park

Hey, that title works because we went to the park today AND its Saturday!

Spent a lovely morning with the sisters in St. John's neighborhood having brunch at James John Cafe. Love that place. The best brewed Stumptown coffee I have ever had (stong and hot!) and they serve it in "World's Best Dad" type ceramic mugs that you could only find at the GoodWill or if you're lucky enough, your parents might still have some hanging around from the 90's. The food is A-MA-zing. The people who work there every weekend are really sweet and one of them always come over and talks and coos with Maddy.

Afterward, we hit the Farmer's Market where I bought kale, and carrots and turnips that I plan on roasting for dinner tonight. At the moment I am decompressing while drinking an Arnold Palmer with limeade and while I try to force maddy to nap in her swing. Thank the Lord she is a skinny girl and hasn't reached the 25 lb limit yet, because some days its the ONLY way I can get her to nap. She seems to do fine unless we have had a busy day being out and about. You would think the excitement would wear her down, but its quite the opposite. She gets all jazzed and excited and thinks that her bed is for bouncing, not for sleeping. For this reason, simply leaving her in her crib to fall asleep on her own will not work; contrary to what you may have heard. She will go to bed at night by herself, but I think its because its dark.

Oh excuse me, where are my manners? I don't think I posted any birthday pics!

I am pretty mega bummed i did not get any cuter pictures of her little birthday suit (made by your's truly!) If you were at the party and took pics, please sent them to me!!!

Mama managed to have fun and give the birthday girl some luvins- even though I was kinda a stress nut for a lot of the day.

aaaaaaaand finally- passed out after 4 shots and a heel prick after her 12 month visit. A three hour nap followed, so consider this picture a grand moment in history. Today on the other hand, she is testing me again. Its almost 4 pm and total nap time is about 45 minutes so far. She's not crying, so I'm standing my ground and letting her hang by herself in her crib and I'm keeping the audio and video monitors close by. I just witnessed her rolling from one end to the other. My poor little spaz :)

Boobs.

The other night, my husband and I talked about boobs for about an hour. Mainly how much mine have changed over the past year or so.

Here is a picture of me late 2006; before Madelyn was even a twinkle in Ross's eye. Look at those boobs:

Yes, that's me. With a wig. And a special Victoria's Secret Very Sexy bra. The white thing in the middle of my face? That's what happens to my nose when I laugh. Get used to it. (By the way, in case you were wondering, I was Paris Hilton for halloween that year!)

Then here is a little sample of me pregnant. In a bikini (we were in hawaii for my friends Lisa and Tim's wedding when I was 5 months pregnant). The boobs were freakin huge (for me) and definitely a pair I could live with; as long as I could find cute 34 DD bras to accomodate them (in all their glory).

I will not share anymore pictures from here on out, but I will go on to say that they were pretty big and magnificent until about a month ago. Then there was the part when Maddy weaned herself. Since then, I have been left with what I like to call "Fried eggs hanging on a doornail". Sorry if that sounds vulgar; I think I heard it on Family Guy. And in all honesty, they really aren't THAT saggy. But the skin is stretched, the nipples look kinda weird, and they have lost that perkiness I used to enjoy and be proud of.

So back to my husband and I's discussion about my boobs.

He started the sentence out very carefully, as he knew he was entering into very, very dangerous territory (ie- any discussion about my body). He prefaced it with how much he loves my body, finds me very sexy (and I actually do believe him), how thankful he is for my body and how much he appreciates and respects how I sacrificed my body for our beautiful child...but he was curious if the, um, perkiness would ever return. He added, "If not, that's totally okay. I'm just curious". Then he took a deep breath and waited for my wrath; which never came. I also had to take a deep breath and stop myself from acting like too much of a woman and overreacting and being oversensetive. But I totally understood his question, because I wonder the same thing. My stomach made it out without a single stretchmark, all of the baby weight is gone (yeah Weight Watchers!) but what about my boobs? Will they ever look normal again? Are there any remedies to this situation other than surgery? Special creams, pectoral exercises, herbal supplements? Right now, my only hope for fuller, livelier boobs is getting pregnant with our next child. And that's not something I'm ready to try...just right now at least ;)

I Have a One Year Old?!?!?!

I just rocked my one-year old baby to sleep. How did this happen? I don't completely know why, but I have been a little sad all yesterday and today. I teared up as we sang her "Happy Birthday" yesterday at her rockin' b-day party. I watched in disbelief as she poked at the cake with her right index finger for a good 5 minutes as everyone watched with anticipation for her to take her first bite. I melted inside as I looked at the clock at 1:20pm today and realized that a year ago at that moment, I was working on pushing Madelyn out of my body for her to start living in this world. At 5:00pm, Ross and I reflected on how a year ago at that moment, we were cradling our Madelyn; not resting a single moment for fear of her somehow breaking or spontaneously stop breathing. And how we held her with such caution and care; not wanting any chance of harm to come within miles of her.

As I rocked her to sleep tonight, I thought of the past 12 months, and how much of that time I spent holding her, rocking her, feeding her, cuddling with her, "shhhhh"-ing her, singing to her, and sometimes crying with her. Holding my beautiful dear, I had no serious regrets; except for that I wish I had embraced each phase of her life more. If I would have known a year ago that she would grow to be such a sweet little girl, then maybe I wouldn't have been so frustrated about her night time wakings, her 8-11pm "Midnight Madd-ness", and her 45 minute nursing sessions. Or maybe I would? Maybe hindsight is 20/20, and post-partum hormones are more powerful than wisdom. Who knows. The important thing is, that we made it together (all three of us, I mean) and I know that she loves me, and she knows I love her.

Today, my special little girl does this:

Food: She eats everything we eat, as long as its not too spicy or hard to chew. She drinks a bottle of whole milk first thing in the morning, before her nap, and before bedtime (yeah, we cheated and transitioned her 2 weeks early. Buying formula is a pain in the arse!).

Milestones: She can stand up by herself without falling; as long as she is distracted by clapping or playing with a toy. Once she realizes she's standing on her own; she gets a concerned look and reaches for something or sits back down.

Sleep: She takes a 2-hour nap at noon-ish and that's it. She goes to bed around 7:30-8pm and sleeps until 7:30-8am.

Words: Dada, Mama (when she is upset, mostly), Na-na (when she's hungry), Heh-huh (her version of "uh-oh", and she uses the same voice inflection as we say uh-oh), "eye-jul" (Nigel, or Gentle...because everytime she pets Nigel, we tell her to be gentle). Her new thing is to copy whatever you say using the same voice inflection as you, but just her bable. Its hard to explain, but oh-so very cute :)

I will have to talk about her wonderful Birthday party and post pictures, but for now the hubs and I are going to decompress after a busy week with the fam and burn wrapping paper in our firepit.

Just Us.

T minus 4 days until my first born is ONE year old. 3 days until the big par-tay.

It has been an amazing year. I have way too much going on right now to ramble on about every single detail in this post, so I will summarize things into a few simple points:

1) Even though my mom is legally blind, she cleans my house 10x better than I do, and has way more staminia and vigor towards cleaning at the tender age of 67
2) My husband is the best husband/dad there is. He willingly rocked his daughter to sleep at 4:30am this morning when she woke up crying (we think she's getting a molar or two), and then volunteered to put her to bed tonight when he got home from work. No complaining woman about "my man ain't doin nothin" on this blog. I don't know how to make those little heart shaped icons in the blogger/facebook world, but if I did, I would put one right...here. Seriously though; I am so blessed. I can't believe how sweet and hands-on he is.
3) I have the coolest family and friends there are, and feel so blessed by them. We have been hanging out with friends and family every night practically for the past two weeks, and have enjoyed every.single.minute of it. To make the deal even sweeter, my sister Kath and brother-in-law Mike are arriving in PDX tomorrow morning! WOO HOO!!!!!
4) Taking a week off from work? Sweet. Sooooooo sweet. Makes me appreciate my job more; and I'm sure I'll be ready to go back on Tuesday.
5) *its a secret* But pray for us. We might have a great opportunity on the horizon for us. More on that later when we know more!

Show Me That Smile Again ( part two of weekend)

On Sunday we enjoyed a wonderful gathering of friends and family for Ross's 30th Birthday (which was on Thursday). His parents hosted a really nice dinner of salmon, salad, corn, potato salad, and fruit. Pretty much all of Ross's close friends made it all the way out to Boring, OR to celebrate him. It was very touching and sweet. Later, as Ross showed me the nice words in his B-day cards, it felt so great knowing that other people appreciate him as much as I do. I don't know if I say this as much as I should, but he is pretty freakin amazing :)

THEN, on Monday, we got to get together with an old friend from OIT (amongst other friends)and spend a nice day at the park. It was BEAUTIFUL outside, so we got lunch at a delish taco stand and the boys placed Boca ball (I totally spelled that wrong. I know its not Boca like Boca Burger, but I'm too lazy to Google it) while my friend Kara and I relaxed with our babies. Then we came home, I put Maddy to bed, sewed up a storm, and then was back to work on Tuesday.

Work is going well, but I'm so ready for a vacation. Even though I only work 3 days a week, I definitely need a little break. A pause to refresh, if you will. Tuesday was awesome and busy, but today was pretty slow and I found myself just NOT wanting to be there. My week off next week could not have come at a better time. I am excited to spend time with my family!

Maddy Update:
1) She looks SO different with teeth: here is a video I took today of her where you can get a really good look at her chompers!

2) I forgot to mention this earlier, but she is a clapping fiend. She really got the clapping down when she was about 10 1/2 months, but now its totally her thing.

3) She walks and even runs as long as she is holding on to my hand or something, but no solo walking or standing yet.

Tomorrow is our first play group outing. We are going to the library for Little Tots story time. I am excited for my little social girl!

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Oh What a Weekend! (part one)

Let's do a timeline, just to keep me organized. This blog got a little too long as I was typing, so I decided to make it a two-parter:

Saturday morning- went to St. John's for breakfast and famer's market with my sister. Visited one of my favorite children's consignment/handmade goods store up there called Lilly Toad. I casually told the girl working there about the cloth babywipes I like to make out of fabric remnants and used recieving blankets. I knew they sold gently used cloth diapers, but I didn't see any cloth wipes for sale and wondered if they might want to sell some from 'lil 'ol me. I didn't at all expect her reaction; which was a very eager YES! She seemed pretty excited about it, which made me pretty freakin excited! So I have been cutting and sewing during every nap and spare minute I could find in this busy weekend. The biggest challenge right now is decided how much to charge. It is a consignment store, so $ from the sale is split 60/40 (them). The materials for the wipes are cheap, and they are easy. I don't have a serger, so I used a zig-zag stitch; but I know it works just great, because I have been using my own wipes for a year now with no problems. It is mostly just time consuming and tedius to measure and cut tons of squares and sew the same thing over and over. So I have to figure out how much my time is worth. (plus, I think the fact that they are made from re-used product will appeal to the PDX eco-friendly moms). Wish me luck on this!

Saturday (day): I almost had a meltdown. We had an evening wedding party at 7pm and were bringing Maddy with us. It was our first late event bringing the baby since she has had a designated bedtime. You know, once she grew past the newborn-who-sleeps-anywhere, anytime phase. She only napped 25 minutes in the morning, so I was hopeful for a long afternoon nap to leave her feeling refreshed for the night ahead of her. Well, my stubborn little girl must have known this was my plan, because she refused to nap. She fought tooth and nail for 2 hours. Playing in her crib, "doot doot"ing, jumping. Didn't shed a single tear. I came in periodically to change her diaper and offer her formula/milk or water. I even tried rocking her, but she was far more interested in my nostrils than sleep. My Saturday was slipping away and I had not gotten a moment of mommy/alone/sanity time. As she layed there picking my nose, the anger/frustration just boiled over and I screamed with my mouth shut. Yep, you heard me. I screamed with my mouth shut. I had to release somehow, but I didn't want to scream in my happy baby's face. I'm sure it looked as weird as it sounds, because Maddy responded with a very nervous laugh. I gently set her in her crib and walked away. I haven't had one of those moments in a LONG time. I gathered my stregnth and what speck of patience I had; took a deep breath, and 10 minutes later I walked into my smiling daughter's room and said, "Hi sweet baby. Okay, so what are we going to do now?" So we read a book, ate a snack, and chatted with each other over cheerios and cheese. Despite having only 25 minutes of nap between 6:30am and 10:30pm, Maddy was a hit at the party and didn't have a single melt-down moment. She laughed, danced, clapped, and just soaked in watching and interacting with all the people around her. Lord help me; my daughter is just like me.

Tears for Fears

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7JvL2ap3Cg

I LOVED the Disney movie Dumbo when I was very little. It was right up there with "The Little Mermaid", "Annie", "Marry Poppins", and "Sister Act" (what?). I could watch it over and over and still love it. The song I YouTube'd above is called "Baby Mine", and though my memory of the Dumbo story is a bit foggy, I just remember it is when baby Dumbo is separated from his mom, and he is able to have a breif and tender reunion with her. As a very small child, this scene made me cry every time, because of how sad I would be if I didn't get to be with my mom. I remember being inconsolable when she would drop me off at the babysitters to go to work (Gosh that must have been sheer HELL for her). But that was JUST how important she was (and still is) to me. The song always had a special place in my heart, and I always thought I would sing it to my baby one day.

Somehow, in the fog and chaos of my pregnancy and the first year of my first child's life, I completely forgot this until last night. Desparate for good lullabyes to sing to my girl, I started out with "Goodnight" by The Beatles (White Album- Ringo sings it). Then I remembered "Baby Mine" and attempted to sing it (mostly had to hum it). Even just humming that beautiful song the memories and associations with it made the tears rush out uncontrollably. You know when you can keep your composure, keep your voice steady so as not to sob, but the tears literally pour out of your eyes like a faucet? It was like that. But it wasn't just the memories that made me weep; but it was the fact that I now was holding my own beautiful, sleeping daughter in my arms. I actually am a mother now. The emotions were/are just so intense. Okay, so maybe it is that time of the month, and maybe I am hormonal. The feelings are the same; there's just more tears ;)

I did okay humming the song again while putting Maddy to bed tonight, until I came downstairs and YouTubed the video. But lets just say, this completely solidified my thoughts on having an Elephant theme for Maddy's room. And I am SO buying her Dumbo for her birthday.

Date Night '10

"Hey Guys! Can you think of anything more romantic than saving an orangutan together?"- GreenPeace chick in downtown Portland.
"This sure ain't like the "squeeze cheese" I'm used to!"- Fella in the next booth over at Melting Pot, reacting to the swiss fondue. They were Klassy with a kapital "K". Wish we would have been there when they received their bill! His date was guzzling the overpriced cocktails faster than you can say "squeeze cheese".
As you can probably guess, Ross and I had an overnight romantic getaway in downtown PDX. Maddy stayed with her grandparents and we hit the down. We had a blast together, and really just had a very memorable night. It was awesome for us to connect and really be together without distractions.
We stayed at the Benson Hotel, and there could have been a cheesy sitcom made about how inexperienced I am when it comes to fancy living. I was concerned about how we forgot to roll our car windows up as we handed the keys to the valet guy. He just graciously replied, "I can roll them up for you". Then we totally forgot to tip him, felt bad about it, and chased him down later to give him a tip; very much after the fact. Smooth. I have to giggle about it all, though, because it makes me feel human. So we aren't fancy people. Please tell me we're not like Klassy Keith at the Melting Pot, though! But we totally enjoyed the room and roomservice for breakfast! Sleeping in on the most comfortable and luxurious bed I have ever slept on made it all worth it.

We did both decided that if we ever had a big overnight date night again that we would try to figure out a way to stay here. We visited the 8th floor bar/restaurant last night called "Urban Farmer" which was totally amazing. Who knew cow hide and canned food could be so classy (faux, I'm sure. Its Portland afterall)? Great music, huge atrium space with a huge skylight and a lot of seating areas, and great drinks. Appearantly there's an even more amazing place on the top floor, but it was closed last night, because the only people who go out on Sunday nights are parents/car salesman, obviously.

I think I am off to go to bed early. I'm having a hard time being productive tonight, so I think I will just sleep. Maddy has been really fussy ever since we picked her up today, but went down okay for bed tonight. Poor Munchkin.

And oh yes! How do you like my new look? Thanks Becca @ JumpingJaxDesigns.com! She was wonderful to work with and gave me something that perfectly fit my picky/plain style. She does cards and announcements, too!

Hey, I can make that! (Cuter, and for way less $$!)

This is my new philosophy on life: for food, cards, and other art. I am not a master at sewing clothes yet, but I have made some adorable burp cloths, blankets, wipes, and diapers.
I was flipping with this hideous catalogue called "First Wishes" that somehow got my address, trying not to vomit. I'm talking the most tacky, hideous, and overpriced, made-in-China crap that perfectly illustrates everything that I am against. But I did like this little dress:

Price tag: $69.00. what what what!?!?!?!

So I went to JoAnne Fabric, used a plain white one-sie she already had, and in about an hour total of work, we have this:

(The glitter lettering might look a little weird, because I was too excited to let it cool and take off the plastic cover before I took these pics.)

Price?

White onesie: $0 (already had, and it was a gift)

Glitter letter iron on's: 5.99, but I have a ton more to make other shirts

Cupcake iron on applique: $3.99 (2 in a pack; comes with another one just like it in white)

Elastic: already had- $0

Pink Tulle: $3 ($1.99/yard; used 3 yards = $6, but had a 50% off fabric coupon)

Rhinestone iron ons: $2.99 (still have a ton left I can make other pieces with!)

Total: Just under $16! BUT, keep in mind I have a lot of leftover supplies from what I bought, so I can make a cute cupcake tee shirt or onesie, and probably 2-3 more shirts that I can design myself with the letter and gemstones. I love it!

How to Have a Clean Fight, and Why Its Important

Its taken me....over 6 years to learn this. But it is quite effective.

When your spouse does something to really, really make you so so so angry. Do NOT act on your first impulse. Because when you are angry, your impulse (if you are a firecracker like me,) may be to make things SO.MUCH.WORSE by making bold, radical, and possibly hurtful comments that will only anger the husband more. Just shut the door and walk away. Carry on with your evening. Bathe the baby (she's still a baby, right?) and have lots of giggles and smiles. Read her stories, and rock her to sleep while humming lullabyes (since I don't actually know the words. I know LAME. On to do list: learn words to lullabyes). Kiss her forehead and lay her down. Go downstairs and breathe.

Guess what? When I did that, the husband came down and apologized for being a butt head! Then we talked about how we can both not be butt heads, came to an agreement within 5 minutes, and gave each other a hug. This was a BIG moment for me! I have this curse of always having to have the last word. I have been known to storm out of a room and slam the door; only to come stomping back and get my last twenty-five cents in, which only makes things worse. I guess I have finally grown up, a little. What caused me to face these situations a little less passionately and a little more maturely was knowing that my sweet baby girl was watching. My girl who watches us hug and kiss and giggles with delight every time we do. We look at her and say, "Mommy and daddy love each other!" and then kiss again and she just explodes with laughter and smiles. I realize that we are currently shaping her views of what a healthy marriage/relationship is supposed to be like. When she studies us and reacts to us, you can see the gears turning. Our job is not only to take care of her now, but to show her how a man and wife treat each other and love each other. The lesson I am SO blessed to have learned from my parents.

So thank you, Madelyn. You have made me want to be a better woman, and a better wife and mother.

Thrify Thursday: Our Story (Money, finances, and how we live)

My blog topic on Costco that I mentioned earlier will be cancelled . Partly, because I realized I didn't have that much interesting stuff to talk about with that. In a nutshell, Costco has a lot of cool stuff for a great deal, so it is far too easy to spend over $200 there. Just don't go, unless you have a specific shopping list, and you promise yourself you won't be swayed by cool steam cleaners (even though we do love ours ;) and tempted time and time again by those delicious oversized muffins; which I avoid, because they give me muffin-tops. haha. But everytime I go, they tempt me.



Instead, I am digging out this old blog I never finished and kept in private. I don't share any details like actual numbers in income, because I think that is tacky and inappropriate. But I do like to be open about our journey with finances, because it has been a touchy point in our marriage, and is for MANY MANY marriages. My blog is all about openness, sharing and relating, so here you go :)



We traded in our Subaru for a newer one a few months ago. When Ross called me from the dealership to sell me this idea (yes, my own husband pulled the sales pitch on me! I wanted to slap him silly) I told him it was frivilous and unecessary. After much convincing and the fact that it actually wasn't going to cost us much at ALL due to the fact that he gets an employee discount and would get top dollar for my 2008 Tribeca (which was in mint condition) my ears perked up. Once the numbers looked good to me, I told him we could do it based on one condition:
The car had to look identical to our old one. Same color, same body. Basically, no one should be able to tell we got a new car.

Why, you ask? Why not enjoy a NEEEEEWWW CAR! (said in Bob Barker voice) and enjoy the fruit of our labors? Why? Because I was afraid of other people judging us. (have you judged us yet? Be honest.) I didn't want people to think we were frivilous and that a 2008 car wasn't "good enough for us". Obviously, most people wouldn't understand the position we were in, the deal we got, and the reason for upgrading under those conditions. I was also afraid people would say, "Gosh, Ross and Amy always say they are trying to save money; but then they go out and buy a new car- what's up with that?". I totally understand the judging, because I have done the same thing with people. I can shamefully admit to that, and it is wrong. Working on it!


Well let me give you a little peak into our history. In the 6+ years we have been married, we have been through financial feasts and famines. From new nursing jobs with a night shift differential to Ross being laid off when I was 2 months pregnant and we had to contemplate me being on maternity leave on nothing but his unemployment income- we have seen it all.


The Feast: I had my first nursing job and was earning more than what I knew what to do with. Ross was working overtime, so we were quite a team. At least financially....Because I worked nights I spent many days alone. A woman with too much time and money leads to only one thing: unecessary trips to Target and Lowes at $50-100 a pop. This eventually caused a huge strain on our marriage and we went through a lot of difficulty because of it. Ross, intensely frugal by nature, caught on to me and couldn't trust me with money. This lead to him placing me on a strict budget for all spending aside from groceries(not disclosing the amount, but needless to say, it was like telling a raging alcoholic they can suddenly only have one beer a month). I became bitter and angry. I hated my job and I hated the hours. I never got to see my husband, so I created my own joys out of shopping, and now that was taken away from me. I felt like I was entitled to the spending, since I suffered for every dollar (if you have ever been a nurse working a night shift on a med-surg floor, you would know what I mean). It's funny that I titled this story "The Feast", because even though there were many dollar signs at this point of our lives, it was lacking in happiness.




Middle Ground: I took a significant pay-cut and took a day job. This change paired with marriage counselling (yep- we had to work hard on fixing this and I want to make sure I didn't make light of it) put us in a really good place. We continued to save our money and build a nest egg savings account, with putting a gernerous amount in monthly and living more minimally. I eventually realized I was wasting money and cut back significantly on my spending. Ross and I decided on a much more fair budget just to help me have a guideline (since I am a recovering shopaholic). Councelling made him aware that he can, in fact, be TOO frugal and he worked on that. His trust for me was renewed. We both changed our hearts about money and things were great. I switched jobs to a clinic 10 minutes from our home where I got a pay raise, so I was able to cut back my hours a little. Ross had a good job. We decided that with financial peace and marital bliss, we were ready to welcome a baby. The rest is history, and on January 19th, 2009 we discovered we were pregnant with our dear Madelyn.


Famine: On February 27th, 2009 Ross was laid off from the best job he had had since we have been together. I was in the throws of morning sickness, and we had just seen her heartbeat for the first time. As my dreams of being a stay at home mom (who just worked a day or 2 a week) began to crumble, we faced a much more difficult scenario of being able to pay the bills while I was on maternity leave. Thankfully, with my income, Ross's unemployment checks, and God's neverending protection, we made it.


Madelyn was born. I worked up until the day before she literally rushed into our lives. I had enough vacation time to get us through a month and a half with pay. I had worked JUST enough hours and saved up JUST enough paid leave hours to qualify for FMLA, so my family had health insurance during this time (praise God. Seriously, this was a miracle. If I had started working for Providence a mere 4 days later than I had, we would have had to pay approximately $2400 for COBRA health coverage.) The remainder of my leave, we just lived very minimal, which was easy, as we just stayed home a lot. We were also very blessed to have family and friends visit us. I also must include that our families were very generous with baby gifts, food, and their time. This definitely helped us get through. We never missed a house payment, or any bill payment for that matter. God always provides. Even though the numbers barely added up in our life's hectic equation; He made it work.


Ross was still unemployed and I insisted on working only 3 days a week so I could raise my daughter. I told him I would rather be poor than work full time. So, in many ways, we lived as though we had no money to spend. Amazingly, living this way occasionally gave us....money to spend! And save!



Here are some things we do to help dispell the rumor that babies are expensive (and don't forget that nice tax refund they bring.)




1)We use pre-folded cloth diapers with covers. I sewed reusable baby wipes out of recycled flannel receiving blankets. I do all the laundering and maintenence myself. People told me I was crazy and would probably resort to disposables or a diaper service when I went back to work. Nope! It was a tremendous learning curve at the beginning, but all my hard work paid off and now I love hanging diapers on the laundry line (which coincidentally saves money on power!).


2) I breastfed Maddy exclusively until she was ready for solids; and even then I made all of her baby food. By my calculations, I saved our family approximately $100-$200/month with these choices. I had to start buying formula when she was 9 months, but she doesn't drink very much these days due to eating solid food so much). I understand that not every mother has the choice of being able to do this (due to constraints beyond their control) so I am thankful that I was able to do it for as long as I did.


3)We NEVER go out to restaurants or bars. Part of this is a side effect of being with child ;) We didn't go out to bars often anyway, but this sealed the deal. Even our beloved Happy Hour has gone by the wayside. If we ever go out to eat, it is to Sweet Tomatoes with a buy one get one free coupon. Our entire family eats a healthy meal out for $17. If we want an alcoholic beverage, we serve either 3-buck Chuck or Bud Light, which we buy in bulk from Costco. We eat at home for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, except for a couple times in a month. We would rather have our wonderful friends and family over to eat, drink, chat, and play Wii; than go to a bar with a bunch a yahoos we don't know, and most likely wouldn't even like (ouch! harsh but the truth can hurt ;).


4)over 80% of Maddy's clothing are hand-me-downs or purchased off of craiglist or garage sales. The rest are gifts from her Aunties and baby showers (again, Maddy is very blessed by nice gifts from those who love her). I have only bought her a handful of new baby clothes, and even those were all on sale.

5) Groceries are mainly bought in bulk. We freeze loaves of bread, meat, fish, and even some veggies so we can manage this. Lately I buy all our produce at the local produce stand in my neighborhood, or if we are lucky, Ross's parents have a great crop of cucumbers, lettuce, berries, squash, tomatoes, onions, and much more from their garden. No spending hundreds of dollars at Whole Foods for organic veggies for us. (AGAIN, we are SO blessed by our family and I don't take this for granted!)


6) We do our best to give to our church. Its about time we gave thanks for all that has been given to us. I know this doesn't seem like a way to save money, but our faith has gotten us through everything. So in that way, it is part of the secret to our success.

I want to clarify that I in no way think my choices are better than other choices (like with Breastfeeding and cloth diapering). Heck, I keep a few disposables around for long trips and the occasional diaper rash (which doesn't happen often, but we have one now curtesy to Maddy having a massive poo during a 3 hour nap). I LOVE using the disposables; they are so trim and EASY! So I'm not a cloth diaper snob who thinks I'm better; in the end its mostly about cost :)

Food for Thought/Thoughts on Food

A friend of mine from work just completed the Master Cleanse. In case you are not familiar with this master of a cleanse; it involves having nothing but water with lemon juice, cayanne pepper, and maple syrup, straight water, and herbal laxative tea for 7 days. When I hear about cleanses, I tend to be really skeptical, but I learned a lot of interesting things from her. It has less to do with weight loss and more to do with cleaning out toxins and clearing your bowels of junk that has been sitting in there for way too long.



Until recently, I have never stopped to think about the effects of what I am putting in my body. I always figured that since I eat Taco Bell only sparingly, don't really eat chocolate or soda, and usually have a vegetable or two or three each day, and I'm not at all overweight; that I was healthy. But only recently have I discovered that I suffer from sugar and salt "hangovers" way more often than hangovers in the traditional sense ;) I LOVE my snacks, and have no problem eating a half a giant bag of Sour Cream and Onion Baked Lays instead of real dinner on those nights I get home from work and Ross doesn't get home until 8pm. I'm not fat, so its okay, right? RIIIGHHHTTT?!?!?!



No.



I am not being that nice to my body! Binging on all those simple carbs are making my poor pancreas work overtime in order to process all the crap. When I was pregnant I was borderline for gestational diabetes. I had to take that gruesome 3 hour glucose tolerance test and the numbers spoke for themselves:



Baseline: 71 (perfectly normal-pass)

1 hour (post 100g sugar): 235, and way above acceptable limits for the purposes of the test

2 hour: 145ish; Within acceptable limits for the test

3 hour: 29. Labratorically speaking, that is considered "critically low". Like the word I just made up? I think its pretty awesome.



The covering physician who doesn't know me, passed it off as a lab error. My real physician called me as soon as he saw the results to make sure I wasn't passed out behind a dumpster. The truth is, I was swerving along the Milwaukie Expressway in cold sweats (okay, maybe I wasn't swerving), chugging a Dr. Pepper and scarfing handfuls of McDonalds fries. Why Dr. Pepper? I never drink Dr. Pepper. I was craving SUGAR though. The moral of the story, and what my OB and I discussed later was that I didn't have diabetes, but that my pancreas does NOT handle high doses of sugar very well and I am at risk for developing diabetes. For the remainder of my pregnancy, I would do a pretty good job of avoiding the sweets. Then Maddy came. Then ravenous breastfeeding appetite came. Then the attitude that "I can eat whatever I want since I'm burning thousands of calories breastfeeding" came. Then lost all the weight, then the mentality of, "Hey I lost all that weight! I can cut myself some slack!" came. I didn't gain it all back (just 2 lbs) but I know I am not healthy enough.



So cutting to the chase, here is my reasonable mini goal (since radical goals like, "I'm not eating red meat from now on!" are ridiculous, since it is so unattainable without a bigger drive):



Eat MORE raw foods. Try not to eat blatant simple sugars.



I am contemplating a Raw Food cleanse for a week or so, but I refuse to do anything like that until I'm mentally ready. I am starting by trying to have my breakfast, lunch, and snacks be mostly raw foods, since I don't have as much of an affinity to eat a ton during those times. Once 5-6 pm hits, I want FOOD. Probably because of my lack of wanting to eat much before then, which I understand isn't so good. Its also for emotional reasons; I think. 5-6pm symbolizes the end of the work day, and getting closer to the end of Ross's work day. It symbolizes my family being together and enjoying eating with each other. I love to eat. That won't change, and I don't want it to. So I will just try to avoid simple sugars except for special occasions. I have done it before; when I was pregnant, and when I was on Weight Watchers. I can do it now, and use my family history of diabetes and my obvious risk for it as my motivation.



The catch is that I don't want to have "fake" sugar. I'll have the occasional Diet Pepsi, but no Splenda in my daily morning coffee. To be honest, I don't know what brought this all on. I think it is a combination of spending time with my naturopath father in law and spending more time with my sisters (and sister in law) and their healthier inclincations towards food. After hearing my friend's thoughts and journey with her cleanse, I really just made that decision.



Food Goal :

Buy more local/organic . I used to scoff at the words "Organic" and "Local", because in the real world, it has meant $5 for two tomatoes. I know some people think that its worth it, but it is not for the thrifty minded. Not only that, but its so unfair to those who are FORCED to be thrifty. My opinions about this magally changed 100% when I discovered Justy's Produce right down the street. It is 100% family owned and operated. This place is fantastic and you can get delicious organic and local food for CHEAPER than Fred Meyer- just the way it should be. Seriously; you can save loads of money by getting all your produce here (not to mention make your own bouquet of beautiful flowers for $1 from their fresh cut flowers section). Even if its out of your way, you can come visit me and my beautiful family ;)



At my last trip to Justy's I picked up a tomatillo and decided to make salsa out of these things:

Its was AMAZING salsa, and will be made again, and again. No recipe; just the ingredients above (plus a yellow tomato and 3 more cloves of garlic, and 1/2 a seeded jalepeno- not pictured. Not so smooth on the cooking photography skills yet!) and salt and pepper. All veggies were purchased at Justy's for under 5 dollars and made enough salsa to serve 4 hungry peopleGo make it. NOW. The tomatillo is a key ingredient!

Okay enough on food. I am overdue for a Maddy Update, which will be coming soon.

A New Look...

For my house, and hopefully my blog.
It was time to clean house. Time to go into "those" rooms". You know, the rooms that don't get a lot of traffic and attention, so you just put "stuff" in there. Just ask my friend Kara, who patiently kept me company as I cleared out my master bathroom and discovered a beauty bag full of nail glue and other worthless crap I haven't touched since 2003. Today, I am working on the utility/laundry room adjacent to my kitchen and cleaning out the guest bathroom upstairs.
Found while cleaning my guest bathroom (which should beg the question: why do I have a guest bathroom and no guest bedroom? I don't freakin know; ask my husband, his 3 (or 4?) guitars, and piles of wires and computer crap. They all share a room, and I prefer not to talk about it. THAT room will be up next for makeover, even if I have to become pregnant again just to force him out so the kid has a place to sleep :). Anyway, here's what I found:
1. My CNA pin and RN pin.
2. 15 belly button rings from 2002 when I was obsessed with having different belly bling for each day of the week. In my defense; my abs used to be flat and hard as a rock, so they were worth showing off the 2-3 times a year I went to the beach/lake. I let the hole close up circa 2008 when I was contemplating adding a Madelyn to our family.
3. Razor cartriges; which are pretty much a joke now, given how little I use them. I know, poor Ross, right?
4) Vitamins and ibuprophen that expired in 2006.
Its all GONE now! Now I'm painting the utility room and placing things in cute boxes, which is so satisfying. Here's the before pictures:

First, the crap I dragged out of the ulitity room before I began (in all fairness, this is mostly recycling and cleaning supplies; which DO belong in there, but I just need to organize them:




Oh! and then here are my most recent framing/hanging projects:

Vintage wine labels with a red background to go with my red and wine theme in the kitchen. Or maybe even red wine perhaps? Mmmmmm....


Ross's first Father's day present against our new Army green colored stair well/landing. The pictures are of Ross playing his guitar and Maddy "helping" him.

And as for the blog? I really want to hire someone to "make" me a better blog/layout. I tried it myself, but it took me hours and I'm still not even happy with it. It takes me forever to make up my mind and I'm kind of stupid with the codes and stuff. I am looking into Jumping Jax Designs, but I am not 100% sure if she's my style, and mostly I can't really afford the $45 for what I want. I'm willing to pay, just not that much. If you know anybody or any websites, let me know!

*EDIT* Thanks to Alena @ http://charminglychandler.com for her referral and Becca at http://jumpingjaxdesigns.com for the sweet deal, my blog's new look is on its way! Can't wait!

Wanna Go Out?

Okay, so I'm thinking of getting a little more serious about the blogger thing. It is way more gratifying and interesting than looking at pictures of people I hardly know on Facebook. So if you read this blog, would you be so kind as to "Follow" me, and/or send me an email so I can "Follow" you?

amymlumsden@gmail.com

If you do, I'll try real hard to post more cute pictures....like this one:

Behind Closed Doors

Have you ever judged someone else's marriage? Have you had yours judged?

No, I didn't have some big drama situation in real life in which my marriage was judged (that I know of). But I just got to thinking that it wouldn't surprise me if people did think from time to time, "Man, they gotz issues!" (I've been all about the innappropriate "z" lately. It adds klass). I remember talking about this with a friend years ago, and the comment came up, "You can't judge someone elses' marriage. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors" (Deirdre, I think that was you who said that!).

Ross and I are very....expressive people. Yesterday I came home from work (Friday) and he had had a pretty rough day with our 11-month old daughter who refused to nap more than 45 minutes. He was being kinda a pill as a result, and I was being less than understanding. So we stood there and fought for about 30 minutes. What did we fight about? The fact that he didn't even begin to think about dinner (I don't expect a home cooked meal when I get home, but in our house, the person who stayed home that day is responsible for dinner in some shape or form- even if its fast food). I was hungry, so my blood sugar was low, and I was extra cranky. Hmm...what else did we fight about...Maddy not napping and his lack of getting anything done because of it; how he doesn't multi-task (which I NEED to get over, because appearantly men just don't do that). Here's how the "fight" ended:

"Okay, so we have frozen egg rolls and this polenta stir fry thing. Want me to heat it up?"

"Sure babe, that sounds great! Want a beer?"

"Yeah, thanks!" *gives a kiss* "So how was work today?"

And then we move on. It may sound dysfunctional to you, but thats how we operate. We almost just needed to get out our agressions from the week/day and then we could move on. We refrained from yelling, and during the "fight" I was making sure to keep my facial features "nice" and play with Maddy at the same time so that she wouldn't be upset or think anything is wrong.

I think when you're both splitting the task of working and caring for a baby, it is natural to want to snap at each other over little things. Luckily, I can take it just as well as I can chuck it (um, maybe a little TOO well ;) But the thing that saves us from being completely dysfunctional, is that we always keep it in check and recognize when we are being disrespectful or unfair. Apologies happen a lot. We're human, and we're passionate.

It has taken me an long time to learn that reasonable fighting is okay. I'm not talking about throwing stuff at each other (although in our first year of marriage I DID punch a hole in the cardboard thin door of our rental apartment...). But fighting, resolving the issue (eventually) and maybe, just maybe, becoming a stronger couple because of it...that has made our marriage better.

I don't remember seeing my parents argue much or fight. I remember them going into their bedroom and locking the door for a period of time. Now that I'm older, I understand they were either arguing or getting it on (which actually can go hand in hand). Anyways, as a result of never seeing them fight, I grew up thinking fighting was BAD. In my first serious relationship, we NEVER faught. Not once. I always thought that was great. But it wasn't. As the youngest/only child (all my sisters were grown and out of the house by the time I was 11) I definitely have always had a "I get what I want, one way or another" mentality, and I think my boyfriends knew that they were wise not to argue with me. Then Mr. Ross came along, and within two weeks of our first date, he showed me he wasn't going to have that. I remember us driving down Washbourne Ave in Klamath Falls, just leaving Schlotzky's Deli. He said something that dissatisfied me, and I started pulling the silent treatment/I'm mad at you routine; waiting for him to say "I'm sorry, anything you want Princess". That didn't happen. We had our first argument, and I said, "Fine then. So this is it? We're over?". He smiled, laughed, and said, "No! its just an argument, babe. Of course we're not breaking up".

Oh...Ar-GU-ment...what a novel idea! You mean, I don't just manipulate you with my mood to always get what I want? And...we can actually disagree about something and still be okay? WOW. I had never been with a person which such a passionate personality (believe me, sometimes it TOO much ;) and wouldn't put up with my crap. Even though our relationship isn't always smooth sailing, its honest and all out there in the open. I know dark secrets about him that no one else knows, and vica versa. Despite our imperfections and disagreement, we have learned to love each other deeply and know that even difficult times and terrible flaws can't break us up.

So friends- I apologize if you have ever felt awkward in a situation where you may have witnessed us bickering. If you do, just know that if we're bickering, that's our healthy way of working it out and we will probably be love and hugs 15-20 minutes later. Just wait it out. You'll know things are bad if we're NOT talking to each other :)

Thrifty Thursdays

As a reformed shopaholic, I often am actively thinking about the things I do to save money, or at least be more efficient with it. I still have to de-privatize my blog post that talks about my history with this, but I will just say that years ago I was very irresponsible with money. I am still a shopaholic and will never stop loving makeup and clothes. But over the years I have found a much wiser and thriftier way to do it. A girl can still shop and be girly and have nice things; you just have to be smart about it. I will try to blog about it every Thursday; for myself and for anyone else who might find help from my ideas.

Todays Topic: Beauty Products, household items... in other words; TARGET

I have talked to many women who say they could easily walk into Target and spend $50-100. My sister once told me about a Facebook group called, "I went into Target to buy shampoo and spent $100". This hits home for me. When I was a new nurse making 5 times what I made at any previous job I had, my spending got a little out of control. Since we had just bought a house I was actually going to Target and spending $50-100 about once a week. That adds up! Given, I was buying essentials like curtains, but I could have been thiftier. I could have gotten something way nicer and cheaper at GoodWill or Craigslist. Better yet, I could have MADE them myself and they could have been 50 times cheaper and prettier.

What else did I waste money on? Clothes, beauty products, and household supplies. I recently cleaned out my closet and cupboard and got rid of all the useless crap and failed beauty products. I mouned for a moment as I calculated in my head the hundreds of dollars I watsed on eyeshadow (which I have an addiction to, but rarely wear anything other than Stila Kitten or something taupe-y), sunscreen that I already had, and conditioner that claimed to make my frizzy hair unfrizzy. If I knew I would never use it, it went in the trash, goodwill, or for other donation. If I knew I could still use it, I put it in to rotate with my favorite shampoo/conditioner/bodywash just to use it up so I could recycle the bottle and be done with another plastic container polluting my life. This process has been very therepeutic and helped me learn a very valuable principle:

Minimal is better.

Some of the nicest homes I have been to haven't necessarily been full of fancy decor and expensive items; they have been tidy, well kept, and minimal. I am on a quest to obtain this in my home. My goal is not to spend money on items to make my home and life nicer; but to actually use what I already have (along with some elbow grease) and get rid of the unecessary.

Oh an as for clothes? I consigned a bunch of stuff I don't wear anymore and made over $100! I noticed that the things I DO keep for years I hold on to are from Nordstrom. The reason for this is because they are quality and classic items that tend to stick around season after season. Do they cost more? Yes. But a few Nordstrom shirts are better than 20 shirts from Target that I end up tossing or just wear out after a few months (which requires buying NEW ones). Does it sound like I am trying to make a case for shopping at Nordstrom? Yes :) BUT, its true. But if you think about all the money spent on crap, consider this:

$100 at Target can get you:

a few makeup items you may or may not use but look worth trying out: $18.50
2 bottles of shampoo/2 bottles of conditioner that smell nice: $17.96
antifrizz serum? Thats a steal compared to salon prices!$5.99
3 "super cute" shirts on clearance:$19.97
a skirt you HAVE TO have: $12
Coffee at the Starbucks inside Target: $3
US weekly Magazine: $3.50
Sparkly baby sandals! AWW perfect for summer...$9.98
Maddy needs more onsies, right? $12.99
Picture frame: $13.99

Okay, what am I at? Oops; $116.88 already? See how fast those "bargains" add up? Especially considering those shirts really aren't that great, I don't NEED new makeup or hair product, I can brew coffee at home, I can get onesies for Maddy at a garage sale for $0.25 apiece, and I should concentrate on hanging picture frames I already have.

So for anyone who can admit to making the same kind of shopping mistake I did, consider the above paragraph, and consider this:

$100 (without going over) can buy you:

-An almost new pair of ultra flattering and comfy Citizens of Humanity jeans (that retail at $149) at a trendy consignment store (here's an example of these jeans, mine are a slightly lighter wash. I paid $45 for them):
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3029147/0~2376780~6009391~6009808~6009811~6012045?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6012045&P=1
-This jacket in "storm grey" (I actually only paid $32 for it, because I got early entrance to the Half-yearly sale, though it retails for $52): http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3111307/0~2378467~2378483~2383026?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=2383026&P=1

so here you have a nice jacket and jeans you can enjoy for years (I have jeans I've had for 5 years that still look nice) and you still have $3 to get a mocha if you please :) The other benefit is you don't have extra crap lingering around your house! As for the baby, she will be fine without that pair of sandals. I ended up getting her some unused ones at a garage sale for about $0.50
edit to add;*dude- i just re-read this and why didn't anyone inform me I cannot do simple math?! $45 plus $32 is actually 77$, not $97. So even bettah- now I actually had $25 leftover to get a couple nice shirts from Nordie's at their anniversary sale!*
-OR-

even better yet: you can put that money into your savings account every month. It may come in handy in case your husband loses his job right before you have a baby and go on maternirt leave ;)

This may seem irrelevant if you are good with your money, but from talking to friends and others, I think a lot more of us suffer from this "buy more" mentality that plagues our culture. I obviously am still guilty of being a consumer, and I won't give that up. But since I have been shopping garage sales and consignment and cutting out unecessary household and beauty items, my bank account, my house, and my husband have been MUCH happier.

Next topic:
Costco: Thrifty Friend or Foe?